


let's go back to the start

by scrappylittlegleek



Category: Supergirl (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Human Kara Danvers, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lots of Angst, Mechanic Kara Danvers, Pregnant Lena Luthor, Protective Kara Danvers, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but still fluff, domestic AU, farm au, lots of fluff, midvale au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 59,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappylittlegleek/pseuds/scrappylittlegleek
Summary: Lena is left stranded and alone when Lex becomes a serial killer and Lillian freezes all of her bank accounts. With absolutely nothing left except a baby on the way and the urgent need to get out of Metropolis, Lena escapes to Midvale. When her car breaks down on her first day there, she meets Kara Danvers, the bubbly mechanic who shows her around town and promises to be her friend so she will no longer be alone.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Querl Dox/Nia Nal
Comments: 322
Kudos: 1201





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so excited for this fic so I really hope you guys like it!! I've always loved the idea of small-town kara and lena!!  
> trigger warning- morning sickness (vomiting)

Maybe it was stupid. No, it was definitely stupid. She’d hardly given it any thought at all before she ran with it, and on average, Lena liked to give her ideas at least three hours of contemplation. But all sense of reason was thrown out the window now that Lex was a serial killer and her mother cut her off from the only source of income she had and the Luthor name was tarnished completely. It was a lot for one Thursday afternoon, that was for sure. And somehow, left her halfway to Midvale with nothing but a spare pair of jeans and an extra-large iced coffee that she was already starting to regret drinking. 

She had to enjoy it while it lasted, though, the jeans and the coffee. Because soon drinking this much caffeine would be morally wrong and the jeans weren’t going to fit, so it wouldn’t have made much sense to pack enough clothes to fill her suitcase. Well, maybe it would’ve if Lena had actually brought a suitcase instead of just a backpack. But it was too late to dwell on that now. Because now, Lena needed to focus on finding a gas station, or mechanic, or whatever, since she was almost certain the sputtering noise coming from her car engine wasn’t normal. 

Somehow Lena was able to make it about another hour before pulling into a mechanic and auto repair shop, her car creaking and groaning loudly with every inch she moved. She groaned as she stomped on the gas, the car only moving a few inches forward.

“Dammit,” Lena muttered once it pulled to a stop. She leaned back in her seat and let out a sigh. The lot was empty except for a blonde woman inside the garage working on an old Volkswagon with its hood down. She had her hair pulled back into a low ponytail and a tool belt around her waist. 

The garage certainly wasn’t much, but Lena knew she wasn’t going to make it much further so it would have to do. 

With a sigh, Lena got out of her car and slammed the door shut, stuffing her hands into her pockets as she made her way over to the woman. 

Upon closer look, Lena noticed the sweat and oil stains spread across her white t-shirt, which was tied around her belly button with a hairband. There was more grease wiped on her low waisted jeans, which left most of her stomach exposed. She worked diligently, oblivious to Lena walking up to her as she used a wrench to turn a knob inside the engine. 

“Hey… I uh, sorry to bother you, but I think my car broke down,” Lena said, her cheeks turning bright red as soon as the words left her mouth. 

_You think your car broke down? Seriously?_

“Oh, just give me a minute and I’ll be over to take a look,” the woman said, glancing back at her with a grin. 

Lena nodded and smiled back, watching as she turned towards the car once more to continue working. 

“So, what happened?” 

“What?” 

“To your car,” the mechanic clarified. 

“Right,” Lena said, awkwardly clearing her throat. “I’ve been driving for a few hours and there have been some weird noises coming from the engine. And some white smoke. I probably should’ve pulled over when I saw that.” 

“Normally white smoke means something leaked into the combustion chamber,” the woman explained. “It shouldn’t be too hard to fix…” 

“Lena.” 

“Lena. It shouldn’t be hard to fix once I see what caused it,” the woman said, turning back around and grinning once more. “By the way, my name’s Kara.” 

Kara held out her hand for Lena to shake but stopped and looked down to wipe it on her shirt when she realized it was all covered in grease. She let out a nervous laugh and Lena couldn’t help but feel her cheeks fill with heat once more. It certainly didn’t help when she looked down at her shoes and caught a glance of Kara’s stomach, a firmly chiseled six-pack poking out beneath the fabric of her shirt. 

“So, where were you driving from?” Kara asked. 

“Metropolis,” Lena said, hoping Kara wouldn’t recognize her then connect the dots and tell her she could take her business elsewhere. “This is actually gonna be my first time in Midvale.” 

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll love it. I grew up here and I could never imagine leaving.” 

Lena nodded, feeling a sense calmness for the first time this week begin to wash over her. “I hope I do.” 

“So, are you going on vacation?” Kara asked, hopping off the vehicle and following Lena over to her car. 

“No… I’m thinking of moving here,” Lena said, cringing as the words left her mouth. It was the first time she’d said it out loud, the first time she’d really acknowledged what she was doing. She was half an hour away from her new home but still, she didn’t believe it was real. But now, now that it was out in the open, there really was no turning back. 

“I’m not really sure where too exactly,” she added with a nervous chuckle. “But I’ll figure something out.” 

“Well, while you’re looking, there’s a great diner a few miles from here. Basically everyone goes there so if you want to meet some people and make friends, that’s probably the best place to go,” Kara said as she popped the hood. 

“Do you ever go there?” Lena asked, smiling as she quirked an eyebrow. 

The simple gesture was enough to turn Kara into a flustered mess as she turned bright red and began to trip and fall over her words. “I-- uh well-- everyone-- we all go there s- so yes, I eat there all the time.” 

Lena grinned, opening her mouth to say something else, but stopping when she felt her stomach lurch. She threw her hand over her mouth, pushing down the feeling long enough to ask Kara if they had a bathroom. 

“Yeah, but it’s employees only,” Kara said with an apologetic look.

_Shit._

“Here-- here’s the key, it’s right over there” Kara added, quickly changing her mind and pulling the key out of her pocket when she saw all the color drain from Lena’s face. 

Lena grabbed it without a word and all but sprinted through the garage, throwing the door open and not even bothering to lock it as she fell to her knees and heaved into the toilet. She fell to the ground as she finished, wiping her mouth on her hand and letting out a groan.

The pain in her stomach was still there as Lena reached her hand up under her shirt to rub it. It felt stiff against her hand, as if she was bloated from having a big lunch. She hadn’t eaten all day though. She’d been too nervous, too sick, too out of it to even look at food without wanting to hurl. Lena knew this meant the inevitable was happening. She was starting to get bigger and before long she wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore. 

But that was the whole point, she had to remind herself. In Midvale, she was no one. She wouldn’t have to hide it. She could be single and pregnant and it wouldn’t cause a huge scandal. Or maybe it would and the whole town would think of her as a tramp. But even that was better than her situation being plastered on newspaper headlines spread across Metropolis. 

Lena groaned as she picked herself up off the bathroom floor. She had to get it together before she went back out. So she washed her hands and splashed some cold water on her face, staring up at her reflection in the mirror. 

“You’re fine,” she whispered, pulling her hair back into a tight ponytail in case she got sick again. “Stop freaking out, you’re fine.” 

Lena then tried to straighten herself out, watching as bit by bit, she morphed herself back into the woman she’d been back in Metropolis. Back before it all happened. She knew she could get there again. She just had to try a little harder this time around.

* * *

The motel was small. It was one room with a twin-sized bed, a mini-kitchen, and a table with two chairs. There was a bathroom, but Lena couldn’t be sure if it could be considered that since it was just a shower stall and toilet. She couldn’t complain though. It wasn’t like she had the money to pay for anything else, especially since she could barely afford this.

She was already starting to plan for what she’d do when she ran out of money and inevitably got kicked to the curb. At the moment, Lena was leaning towards begging the manager for a job washing dishes or cleaning rooms than pulling the _homeless pregnant woman with no family_ card. The only problem with that was Lena had never been one to show weakness and she really didn’t want to start now. So she was hoping she’d think of something better before she ended up being evicted. 

Lena set her backpack down on the bed and took a seat by the table, pulling a leg into her chest and resting her chin on her knee. She could go to the diner Kara mentioned earlier. She could try to network, maybe find out what places were hiring, and try to set up a job interview. She could make some friends like Kara suggested or at least get something to eat for dinner since her stomach was starting to rumble, and not just from the nausea this time. 

More than anything though, Lena just wanted was to sleep. Part of her was still holding out hope that when she woke up, she’d realize it was all a bad dream. Lex would still be the brother she remembered and she’d have her apartment in the heart of Metropolis. Everything would be normal. It wouldn’t be good, but it would be what she was used to. And that would be enough. 

So Lena picked herself up and walked over to her bed, pushing over her backpack and curling up over the covers. 

Tomorrow she could start to figure things out. For now, though, she just wanted to forget.

* * *

“Thanks, Nia, you’re the best,” Kara said as she accepted a stack of pancakes from the waitress behind the counter. 

“No problem,” Nia said with a grin. “Shouldn’t you be at work right now, though?” 

“Alex is working today. She’s training a new college kid.” 

“Oh, cool.” Nia grinned at Kara as she turned around to head back into the kitchen. 

Kara immediately began to dig into her pancakes, the wind chimes above the diner’s front door ringing just as she took her first bite. She glanced over at the entrance, her heart skipping a beat when she saw Lena walk inside, looking as confused and out of place as ever. 

“Hey!” Kara said, waving at her with a smile. 

Lena smiled back, waving nervously and making her way past the tables and booths to stand by Kara’s spot at the counter. 

“Hey… do you mind if I sit here?” Lena asked. 

“Not at all,” Kara said without any hesitation. “How’d you get here? Your car’s still in the shop.” 

“Uh, I walked,” Lena said as if it were nothing. 

“All the way from the motel?” 

Lena shrugged. “Yeah, I didn’t want to call another cab.”

“Oh, okay.” 

“So… any recommendations?” Lena asked as she picked up a menu. 

“Well, the pancakes are great,” Kara said, grinning as she gestured to her plate. “So is the french toast. And I’ve heard the omelets here are really good, but I’ve always preferred sweet to savory.” 

Lena nodded, her smile faltering as she saw the prices listed next to the meals. Normally it wouldn’t have been an issue-- she couldn’t remember the last time she’d checked the price tag before buying something. But now things were different. And she couldn’t go another day without food, not if she wanted to go through with having this baby. Even if she couldn’t spare seven dollars for an omelet. 

“It’s your second day in town, I’ll buy,” Kara said, sensing her apprehension. 

“No, Kara, I can’t make you do that.” 

Kara shook her head, brushing it off as if it were nothing. “It’s nothing. Just think of it as Southern hospitality.” 

“You’re sure?” 

“I’m sure.” 

Lena bit her lip, weighing her options. She hated putting Kara on the spot like this but she really couldn’t afford anything else. So she’d swallow her pride and go with the former. 

“Alright, but I have to make it up to you.” 

“Deal,” Kara said with a nod. 

As she went back to looking at the menu, Lena couldn’t help but feel her eyes shift back over to Kara. Today she had a flannel, white crop top, and torn jeans. Her hair fell down by her shoulders in soft golden curls, almost hiding her face. It took a moment before Lena realized she was staring and quickly turned her attention back to her menu. 

“So, where are you from?” Kara asked. “Since you’re moving here.”

“Metropolis.” 

“My cousin Clarke lives there!” Kara said. “He works for the Daily Planet, he’s a journalist there.” 

“Oh… I was a scientist,” Lena said. “I mostly worked with biochemical engineering and inventions and stuff like that, but recently I dabbled in medicine. Not as a doctor-- I just liked the research aspect.” 

“That’s impressive,” Kara said, her eyes full of wonder. “What about now?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It was just that you said you were a scientist like you aren’t one anymore,” Kara explained. 

“I… I guess I haven’t really figured that out yet,” Lena confessed, smiling sadly. 

“Anyways, I’ve been craving strawberries for about a week now, are the smoothies here any good?” She asked to quickly change the subject. 

Kara shook her head with a chuckle. “Those are the one thing I’d stay away from. If you want fruit, I’d recommend the strawberry waffles or normal waffles with a fruit salad on the side.” 

Lena smiled and nodded. “I guess I’ll do that, then,” she decided and set the menu back down. 

The thought of moving to Midvale still absolutely terrified her, but so far, it seemed like Lena had already found a friend. And maybe if she wasn’t alone, the whole thing wouldn’t be too terrible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lena's card declines at Kara's auto shop, she begs for a job so she'll be able to pay off her bill. Luckily, Kara is very understanding. Also, Lena's on the brink of a breakdown and barley holding it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is super short but it's all just to set up for the next chapter  
> that's when the real angst will start :)  
> also stan kara's pitbull for clear skin

Lena smoothed out her shirt as she stepped out of the cab, thanking her driver as he handed her her credit card back. She slipped the card back into her wallet then tried to brush off her shirt once more to get out all the wrinkles, but the effort was useless. She’d spent three days in the same outfit, alternating her jeans once and attempting to wash her top in the kitchen sink so she’d look at least somewhat put together. But without a dryer or ironing board, it ended up having the complete opposite effect, leaving her a wrinkled, crinkly mess.

“Hey, Lena!” Kara called out from inside the garage. 

Lena smiled and waved as she made her way over to her. Something about seeing a familiar face again seemed to put her at ease. It was reassuring, almost. Kara just seemed to have that vibe, the kind where she could walk into a room, and immediately everyone would perk up. And right now, Lena could really use some of that. 

“Hey, how’s my car?” She asked, slipping her hands into her back pockets.

“All fixed. I jumpstarted the engine before you got here and everything’s running smoothly, so you’re good to go,” Kara said with a grin. 

“That’s great!” Lena said. _Finally, some good news._

“Here’s my card, you can always call me if you run into any more trouble,” Kara said, handing Lena a slip of paper. 

Lena smiled as she accepted, turning the card over and seeing a phone number written on the back in black marker. Kara’s personal number. 

“And… if you ever want to grab waffles again. That’s uh-- you can… feel free to call,” Kara added. She cringed as the words left her mouth, hoping Lena wouldn’t notice the heat rushing to her cheeks. 

Lena bit her lip to suppress her excitement and slipped the paper into her pocket. 

“I’d like that,” she said against all better judgment. 

“Great! So… I guess, you just sign here and then you’re done,” Kara said. She grabbed the tablet from off the hood of Lena’s car and handed it to Lena. 

It was open to the bill, Lena’s breath catching in her throat as she saw the price. Four hundred dollars she _knew_ she didn’t have. Not after the two cabs and especially not after the motel fees. And now she was going to have to grocery shop since it was too expensive to keep going back to the diner for her meals. There was no way she could afford all of it. But Kara had already fixed her car. She’d spent a whole day working on it. Lena couldn’t just not pay her. 

So with a shaky hand, Lena swiped her credit card through the slot clipped onto the tablet. She’d just have to make a few sacrifices until she could find a job. She could handle it. She just needed to delegate.

“What-- what happened, why isn’t it working?” Lena asked, handing the tablet back to Kara. 

“Your card got declined,” Kara said. “Do you have a debit card or…”

Lena shook her head. “No, I’m sorry,” she apologized, staring straight at the ground. 

“I swear if I’d known this was gonna happen, I never would’ve come at all,” Lena said, rubbing her collar bone anxiously. “I’m just… God, I fucked everything up.” 

She brought her hands up to her forehead and ran her hands through her hair as her heart began to pound fiercely against her chest. How was she supposed to raise a baby if she couldn’t even pay to get her car fixed? How was she supposed to do anything at all when she’d left everything she’d ever known behind? She knew she should’ve stayed in Metropolis with Jack. She should’ve listened when Lillian told her not to stray from what she already had. She should’ve done something when she saw Lex slipping away. She should’ve been a better sister. She should’ve done something-- _anything_ that could’ve prevented this. 

“Is there… I know it’s a lot to ask, but is there any way I can work it off?” Lena asked, doing everything she could not to start crying. “I don’t know anything about cars but I-- I’m a very fast learner. I can answer phones and take messages. I can be like your assistant and get you coffee in the morning and arrange your schedule, I-- I’ll try anything.” 

Kara hesitated. Normally she would’ve just given Lena a tab and said she had to pay the bill back over time in monthly increments. But Lena seemed desperate. She was on the brink of tears and wearing the same clothes as the last time they’d seen each other. Kara couldn’t kick her to the curb, it would just be cruel. 

“Well, I’ve always thought it might be nice to have a secretary,” she said with a warm smile. 

“Really?” Lena asked, her eyes lighting up at those words. 

Kara nodded. “Yeah. If you’re sure you--” 

“I’m sure.” 

“Great, then when can you start?” 

“Whenever you want,” Lena said and quickly blinked back her tears.

“Alright, you can email me all your information and I’ll send you a schedule,” Kara replied as if it were the most simple thing in the world. She seemed so unphased by the whole thing, Lena couldn’t even bring herself to ask any more questions for fear she’d ruin everything before it could even start.

It just didn’t make any sense. She couldn’t comprehend why Kara was being so good to her. But Lena wasn’t going to question it. She needed this job too much to risk it. And she wasn’t going to let the only good thing she had slip between her fingers.

* * *

Kara flopped down on the sofa, turning up the volume on her tv. She could tapping in the distance from her dog's claws scratching against the wood floors as he ran over to her.

“Come ‘ere Krypto,” Kara said and tossed the remote to the side, patting the spot next to her, where her pitbull hopped up and laid down beside her, resting his head on her thigh. 

“I hired my new friend today,” she said, smiling as she scratched between his ears. “Well, I don’t think she’s really a friend _yet_ , but hopefully she will be soon.” 

_“...Hundreds of people dead after Lex Luthor bombed an office building in Metropolis…”_

Kara reached for the bag of chips she’d left on the coffee table, her smile faltering as she saw an image of a very familiar brunette on the television screen staring back at her. 

“There’s no way that’s her,” she thought aloud. 

_“At 24, Lena Luthor remains the youngest in the Luthor legacy, right behind her brother. Despite her age, recent events leave her next in line to take over as CEO at Luthor Corp, the multi-billion dollar industry founded by her father, Lionel Luthor.”_

“Krypto, I think my new secretary’s the sister of a murderer,” Kara said, as she threw a handful of chips into her mouth. That surely was a sentence she never thought she’d say out loud. 

“I shouldn’t ask her about it, right?” She asked and tossing him a chip when he began to whimper. “If Alex were a murderer I probably wouldn’t want to talk about it.” 

Krypto whined and let out a yawn in response, rolling onto his back so Kara would rub his belly. Kara scratched him with her free hand so she could continue to watch the tv, trying to search for any distinguishing features between her Lena Luthor and the Lena Luthor on the screen. However, the more she looked, the harder it became to deny that she was working with _the_ Lena Luthor. 

“Isn’t she like a millionaire? How’d her card get declined at an auto shop?” Kara thought aloud as an image of a teenage Lena and Lex appeared on the screen. 

And what would someone like her be doing in Midvale anyways? And why did she seem so desperate for a job? It all somehow had to come back to Lex, Kara could gather that much. There were just so many gaps. Like wouldn’t her parents care enough to help her out?

Kara ate another handful of chips and immediately shut off the television when her mind began to wander too far. Regardless of what was going on, Lena was now her employee and maybe kind of her friend. Or at least, she _hoped_ they’d eventually become friends. And if she wanted that, she wasn’t going to pry into Lena’s personal life. Even if it was being broadcasted on national television for the whole world to see, Kara would let Lena keep it to herself for however long she wanted to.

* * *

Lena curled up in bed, smiling as she saw a new notification from Kara with an emailed attachment to her work schedule. She tugged at the collar of her new t-shirt as she flopped onto her back and scrolled through the rest of the notifications. 

When Kara gave it to her, she’d said all new employees got one; a gray _Danvers Auto Shop_ shirt. It didn’t take a genius to know that wasn’t true. There were only about three people working there and from the looks of things, Kara probably didn’t have the inventory to just give things out like that. However, to Lena, that made the gesture all the more meaningful. It was oversized and soft, something she knew would fit her even as the months went by. And it was one less thing she wouldn’t have to buy. But more than that, it meant Lena had someone on her side, even if she didn’t do anything to deserve it. 

She smiled to herself as she thought about her new job, absentmindedly clicking on an unopened email from one of her lawyers. 

“Ms. Luthor, we regret to inform you due to recent events we will no longer be able to keep you on as a client,” she read aloud, her eyes narrowing as Lena processed what it was saying. “In the future, once your financial--” 

Lena let out a frustrated huff and quickly clicked away, not even bothering to read the rest of the message. 

“Fucking asshole,” she muttered. “You try watching your entire family get blacklisted, losing all your money, and having the only person who ever gave a shit about you turn into a raging sociopath.” 

_If I could afford it, I’d sue you bastards,_ she thought to herself with a dry chuckle before tossing her phone onto the carpet.

“And now, I’m talking to myself like a lunatic. Great.”

Without giving it another thought, Lena turned off the light on her nightstand and swallowed the lump in her throat. If she thought about it for too much longer, she’d go from angry to sad and if she went from angry to sad her hormones without a doubt were going to take over. Then, regardless of what the baby chemicals were doing, she’d end up crying about Lex and how shitty the whole thing was and how all she wanted was just an ounce of reassurance that it would all be okay.

Lena had already used up so much of her energy crying over what could’ve been-- what _had_ been before everything took a turn of the worst. She was too exhausted to let herself fall apart again, to let herself feel and comprehend just what her brother did-- just how her mother pulled the rug out from under her once again. Lena knew if she started to break, this time she wasn’t going to be able to pick the pieces back up. So she’d push it down and box it up the way she always did until one day in the distant future she’d be able to deal with. But until then, she’d focus on work. She’d done it before and she’d do it now. She’d be the best damn secretary Midvale had ever seen. And maybe that would be the tape and glue she needed to hold herself together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- symptoms of a miscarriage, blood, and mentions of vomiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i despise this chapter omg i'm so sorry

Working as a secretary was just as simple as Lena expected it to be. She answered the phone and responded to emails Kara didn’t have time to get to. She gave customers wait times and in the morning brought Kara a caramel iced latte with extra whipped cream even though Kara said it wasn’t necessary. It kept her busy enough that her mind didn’t wander and she could keep her anxiety at bay, even if just for a few hours. 

At the end of her first day, Lena had to stop herself from profusely thanking Kara over and over again for letting her work with her. Every time she brought it up, Kara got all flustered and began to ramble about how it was no big deal, and more than anything Lena was doing her a favor. It all went by without a single hic-up. And when work finished and Lena headed back to the motel, she found herself almost excited for her next day. 

That, however, was when things started to go south.

Lena sat at her desk, holding a hand over her stomach and wincing as she felt another stabbing pain shoot through her abdomen. She’d been trying to fight it off since she woke up but nothing seemed to work.

Normally her morning sickness seemed to fade away by this time. Today though, the cramps only seemed to get worse as the hours passed. She’d done everything she could to suppress them but her efforts were useless. The herbal tea she normally drank only further upset her stomach and she couldn’t lie down like she wanted to. But it was only Lena’s second day at work, she couldn’t ask for a day off already. So she’d settle for running to the bathroom every half hour to throw up, just like she did most days back home. 

“Hey, Lena can you come here for a minute?” Kara asked, a dopey grin on her lips as she poked her head through Lena’s office door. She always seemed so happy in the mornings, Lena had noticed. It was as confusing as it was endearing.

She had to resist from recoiling as she stood up, trying to force a smile back at Kara so she wouldn’t seem to be distracted. 

“There’s just something I wanted to show you quickly,” Kara said while Lena pushed her chair in.

“It’s no problem,” Lena said, doing her best to look natural as she stepped into the garage, still holding her hands around her aching stomach. She thought she’d been doing pretty well, but she only made it a few steps before Kara tapped her on the shoulder to stop her. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to embarrass you, but do you need a pad?” She asked, keeping her voice hushed so no one would overhear. 

“What?” 

“You’re bleeding,” Kara clarified. “I have stuff in my bag if you need it.”

“No…” Lena shook her head. “No… I… I shouldn’t be bleeding.”

“It’s really fine, I think I might even have extra sweats in the back if you want to change,” Kara offered.

But everything she said just seemed to send Lena straight into a panic. The room was already spinning as her mind began to rush to the worst possible places. She could feel the ground swaying beneath her as she mentally slapped herself to try to keep from passing out. She shouldn’t be bleeding, not now-- not for the next nine months. That could only mean the worst was happening and Lena was  _ not _ going to accept that.

“Lena, are you alright?” 

Lena shook her head once more. She knew Kara was talking to her, but the words didn’t seem to register. All she could hear was that voice in her head, telling her she’d ruined the only thing she had going for her, that she had to be miscarrying. It was the only explanation. She’d skipped too many meals, drank too much caffeine, put herself under too much stress. It was all finally coming back to bite her in the ass. 

“I killed my fucking baby…” Lena muttered, her voice so low it was hardly audible. 

“Wh- what?” 

Lena looked up at Kara, not even trying to hide the tears as they began to fall freely down her cheeks. “I- I’m pregnant I-- what if I-- I think I--” 

“Oh my God-- okay, do you want me to take you to the hospital?” Kara asked, unsure of what else to say. 

Lena tried to shake her head to say no but she couldn’t move. It was as if she were paralyzed with the fear if she did anything at all she’d ruin something else.

“I’m supposed to be working, I can’t make you leave because I- I fucked up  _ again _ .” 

“I own the business, I can leave whenever I want,” Kara said softly. She then reached up, placing a gentle hand on Lena’s arm. The touch sent shivers down Lena’s spine as she looked up at her boss. It was so simple but it made her want to collapse into a heaping mess and just wallow in her own despair.

“You’re in shock, you shouldn’t drive right now, let me take you.” 

“No… I- I can’t.” 

“Whatever’s going on, you need to see a doctor,” Kara said. “I’ll go with you I-- I know you barely know me but I-- I’d like to think I do well in high-pressure situations because of how friendly I am and you could probably use a friend right now. I-- my sister says I’m like a puppy and I don’t know if it’s true or not, but people like puppies and normally I think people like me, or at least you seem to like me-- not like that of, course but… but I just… you need to get to a hospital and you really shouldn’t be alone.”

Lena hesitated but eventually nodded. Kara’s ramblings made up for her inability to speak as they walked to her car together. She listened to Kara’s voice and wiped her eyes, focusing on the soft sound instead of the words, which were still going in one ear and out the other. It was easier than listening to the voice in her head, screaming at her, saying this was all her fault. She’d fucked up her pregnancy, just like she fucked up every good thing that ever came her way. 

“Maybe-- maybe it’s not a miscarriage, maybe… maybe it’s just like… cleaning,” Kara said as she shut the car door, trying to think of anything that might make Lena feel better. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Lena mumbled resting her head against the window. But by now, she knew better than to get her hopes up. Things never seemed to work out in her favor, especially now.

* * *

“Ms. Luthor, I’m Dr. Wheeler, I’ll be doing your ultrasound today,” said the OBGYN as she stepped into Lena’s exam room. 

“It says here on your chart you were experiencing vaginal bleeding, do you know exactly when it started?” 

Lena shook her head. “I’ve been cramping all day but I didn’t know I was bleeding until about an hour ago.” 

“But the bleeding stopped since then?” Dr. Wheeler asked. 

Lena nodded. 

“That’s a good sign,” the doctor said with a reassuring smile. “Spotting and bleeding actually occurs in twenty-five percent of pregnancies, so chances are it’s just that.”

She sat down on the stool by Lena’s bed and lifted up her shirt before grabbing a tube of gel from the cart beside them. 

“This is gonna feel a little cold, but it won’t hurt,” she said and squeezed the gel out onto Lena’s stomach. She then picked up the transducer and ran it against Lena’s abdomen until she found a blob-shaped figure with an alien-like head, smiling at what she saw. 

“There’s your baby,” Dr. Wheeler said. “It’s doing just fine. Looks like you were just spotting after all.” 

Lena let out a sigh of relief as tears sprung to her eyes. “It’s okay?” 

Dr. Wheeler nodded. “It’s okay. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”

“Already?” Lena asked, unable to believe any of it was real. Her baby was alive, alive enough it had a heartbeat and weird misshapen body and oversized head. Somehow, it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen, it was  _ her _ alien baby on the screen and now she was going to hear its heartbeat for the first time, just when she’d thought she lost it. 

“You look to be about ten weeks along, so I should be able to find it.” Dr. Wheeler said. She then clicked a button on the sonogram machine and within a few seconds, Lena could hear it.

First, it was just the whirr of the ultrasound, but somehow, out of nowhere there it was. A steady and loud thumping, the confirmation that her baby was really okay. 

“Oh my…” she breathed, holding a hand over her mouth. 

“They’ve got a very strong heartbeat,” Dr. Wheeler said. 

“So everything… it’s all okay?” Lena asked. “They’re gonna be fine?” 

Dr. Wheeler didn’t respond as she shut off the noise coming from the sonogram. “Yes. But, I have been noticing some inconsistencies that I'd like to go over with you before you go.” 

“What are they?”

“Your weight.”

“But I’m gaining,” Lena said defensively. “It’s getting bigger, my clothes are feeling tight already.” 

Dr. Wheeler nodded. “I know, the baby’s growing, but according to your chart, right now you’re the same weight as before you got pregnant, which means you’ve rapidly lost weight in the past week or so,” she explained. “In order to keep both of you healthy, you need to be maintaining a steady diet. And right now you’re not just eating for yourself. So it’s okay if you eat more than you normally would-- in fact, you  _ should _ be doing that.” 

“I know,” Lena said, shamefully looking down at her lap. “I am trying. Things are just… harder now. But I… I’ll figure something out.” 

“Okay. And remember, maintaining a healthy eating schedule is something you always need to follow, even after you have your baby.” 

Lena pressed her nails into her palm, staring down at her bloated stomach, unable to even look Dr. Wheeler in the eye. “I know. Is that all?” 

“Yup, you’re all done,” Dr. Wheeler said. She grabbed a baby wipe from off her desk and wiped the gel off Lena’s stomach. “You’ll be able to get a print out of the ultrasound at reception.”

* * *

Kara immediately stood up when she saw Lena enter the waiting room. Her heart beginning to pound when she saw how Lena stood, with her head down and her arms folded over her chest. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes puffy as if she’d been crying, but Kara still held out hope that maybe she was still in shock and that’s why she seemed so upset. That maybe things had worked out for her.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Kara asked, holding out her hand and gesturing to the seat beside her.

Lena nodded as they both sat back down, drawing in a long breath before she spoke. “Baby’s okay,” she said quietly. “It was just spotting.”

“Oh, that’s great, I’m really happy for you!” 

“Yeah…” 

“You seem upset,” Kara pointed out, the words leaving her mouth before she even realized what she was saying. 

Lena pursed her lips into a tight white line. She swallowed the piercing lump rising to the top of her throat, willing herself not to cry again. 

“No… I just need to pick up prenatal vitamins and folic acid and I’m trying to remember where the pharmacy is,” She said. It wasn’t a complete lie. Lena had the prescription written out on a paper in her pocket but she cared more about how she’d pay for them rather than how she’d find them. 

“It’s a few blocks from main street,” Kara said. “I can drive you if--”

“No, Kara, you’ve done so much I can’t keep doing this to you,” Lena said, looking her in the eye so Kara would have to listen. “I can’t even imagine what you must think of me, this is all so pathetic.”

But instead of agreeing the way she’d expected, Kara shook her head as if Lena’s words were the most absurd thing she’d ever heard.

“You’re not pathetic. You thought you miscarried; I can’t imagine how scary that must’ve been. I don’t think any less of you for being emotional.” 

“Yeah, but I haven’t paid you back for the car-- God, I don’t even have enough to make up for the waffles,” Lena said with an aggravated sigh. But it wasn’t directed at Kara. All the hate and anger in her voice, it all came right back to herself.

“What? Lena, forget about the waffles, you don’t have to pay me back,” Kara said softly. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't be rambling like this,” Lena said, leaning forward and putting her head in her hands. 

“It’s okay. I uh… I saw on the news what happened with your brother, so I- I know your situation can’t be easy.” 

Great. Of course, Kara saw it. That was just what she needed, to be judged and probably fired for her who family was. Just when she finally thought she was going to start making enough money to pay her bills and start feeding herself again, the other shoe had to drop. 

“I’m fine,” Lena said and quickly regained her composure. “We should get back to work.” 

“Actually, I usually take my lunch break right about now,” Kara said, even though she had absolutely no idea what time it was. She just knew that if Lena was stressed about five dollar waffles, she probably wasn’t going to eat during her break, she was simply too proud to say anything. “Do you want to stop at the diner before we head back? I could put it on the company bill.” 

Lena hesitated. Under any other circumstances, she would’ve said no.  _ Now, _ she wanted to say no. But Kara didn’t seem to hate her despite the information she knew and the doctor had just given her a whole lecture on eating regularly. And she had nothing else to lose. So she’d go this one time and that would be it. No more acting soft around people she’d just met.

* * *

Kara and Lena found seats at the same counter as the last time they ate together, Kara ordering a burger, milkshake, and large plate of fries that they could share. Lena stuck to a salad with dressing on the side, the thought of eating anything else almost instantly triggering her nausea. 

“So, do you want to see the baby?” Lena asked, grinning as she felt herself begin to perk up. 

“Yeah, of course,” Kara responded, just as eagerly. 

Lena’s smile never faltered as she set the picture on the counter, sliding it over for Kara to see. 

“They kind of look like an alien right now, but they’ll grow out of it, hopefully before they’re born,” she said with a laugh. 

“No, I think it’s adorable. They’ve gotta big head to carry around a big brain,” Kara said. “Just like yours.” 

Lena turned beet red at the statement but couldn’t bring herself to object. “That would be nice,” she said, biting her lip as she smiled. “To have a little baby genius. But I’ll still love them if they aren’t.” 

“You’d teach them,” Kara said with all the confidence in the world. “I can just imagine a tiny little Lena running around in an oversized lab coat with goggles and a magnifying glass. You’re  _ definitely _ gonna have a genius baby.” 

Lena chuckled and shook her head. “My child’s lab coat is gonna fit perfectly. I don’t want them looking like a mess when they have their first breakthrough.” 

“Of course,” Kara said with a nod. “They’d be much more put together than that.” 

Lena smiled in agreement, absentmindedly twirling her straw around her water as she looked down at her almost cleared plate.

When she’d first found out she was pregnant-- after the initial terror and panic, she’d imagined having her little one there with her when she took over as Luthor Corps CEO. She’d take them into her office with its view of the city beneath and tell them they could do anything they wanted if they put their mind to it. She would take them down to her lab so they could play with a  _ my first science  _ kit, and she’d help them through all the steps and congratulate them when they were done the way she wished her mom had done for her. 

But now that she was here in Midvale, all of that had slipped right between her fingers. Sure, they’d still make a baking soda volcano together and Lena would try to put the chemical reactions in simple terms so her kid could understand the science behind it. And inevitably they’d get frustrated and tell her to shut up. But nothing would be the way she’d planned it. Now, it would be living room science projects and showing old photographs when they asked what Lena’s job was. Or if she was still working with Kara, she’d show them the calluses on her palms from fixing cars, because there was no way she was just going to sit around and answer phones if she had the opportunity to get her hands dirty.

On some level, Lena was okay with it. She was okay with the thought of a big back yard and horseback riding and walking her child to school instead of putting them on the bus every morning. It was all things she could get used to. And after everything she’d been through, Lena learned she could adapt to anything if she really needed to. It was just so different than what she’d imagined. But she’d figure out a way to make it work, she always did. Maybe on some level, it was better this way. After all, now that she knew baby really was alive and she’d sort of found a friend, her new life didn’t seem so lonely. So she could adjust. It was just going to take some time. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara injures herself at work while fixing a car, and Lena helps her take care of it. Kara ends up inviting her to game night, and unable to say no (because she's a simp with a capital s) Lena ends up meeting most of Kara's friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- blood  
> i hate this chapter lol i'm so sorry I rlly tried to make it better but everytime I added more it just got worse so here we are

“Fuck.”

Lena let her hands fall to her side as she released a frustrated sigh. She’d been in Midvale for not even two weeks and already, she was out of pants that fit her. Though she wasn’t huge yet, Lena knew she was past the point of being able to say she was just bloated. The bump was certainly noticeable to anyone who’d known her before the pregnancy-- or anyone who was really looking. Which meant before long, she wouldn’t be able to hide it at all. 

She put her hands on either side of her abdomen, turning slightly so she could examine herself in the mirror mounted to the back of the bathroom door. Maybe if she had a baggy hoodie she could hide it, but Lena had never owned one of those before, and honestly, she wasn’t sure where to get one. And even if she could, it would be foolish to waste money on non-essentials she had no way of affording. Especially now that she had to pay off the medical bill from her miscarriage scare on top of everything else. 

So Lena accepted defeat and threw on the Danvers Auto Shop t-shirt Kara had given her, leaving it untucked so hopefully, no one would be able to tell her jeans were unbuttoned. She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep doing that. Eventually, she was going to have to suck it up and buy a new pair of pants. But until then, she’d ignore it and hope they wouldn’t fall down.

* * *

“Ow! Dammit!” 

Lena jumped out of her seat and headed to the garage at the sound of Kara’s voice, instinctively rushing over to her to see if she was alright. Kara’s back was towards her, but Lena could see Kara holding her hand open over the car, a long cut running straight down the center of her palm.

“Oh my God, Kara how did that happen?” Lena asked and took Kara’s hand in hers so she could examine it. 

“I don’t know, I was just looking around, I guess I nicked it on something,” Kara said, hissing in pain when Lena accidentally opened her palm. 

“Sorry. I can clean it out for you,” Lena offered. “It doesn’t look like you need stitches, but still you should at least rinse it off so it doesn’t get infected.” 

Kara bit down on the inside of her mouth and nodded, letting Lena walk her over to the bathroom.

She sat down on the toilet while Lena opened up the medicine cabinet above the sink, smiling when she found hydrogen peroxide and a roll of bandages. 

“Not to mom you or anything, but you really should be wearing gloves. If you’re not careful you could seriously hurt yourself,” Lena said as she turned on the water. 

“I know. Normally I do, but I wasn’t touching anything. I just popped the hood and I guess my hand slipped and I cut it on a wire or something.” 

“Okay,” Lena said with a nod. “But still, you need to be cautious. And this is gonna sting, so here, squeeze my hand.”

Lena then took Kara’s hold of Kara’s uninjured hand with her free hand and guided Kara’s bloody palm under the stream of water. Immediately Kara began to squeeze her hand at the feeling, wincing in pain and breathing a sigh of relief when Lena turned the faucet off. 

“You’re sure you know what you’re doing?” She asked.

Lena nodded as she uncapped the bottle of peroxide. “My mother was a doctor. When I was little, I used to give my dolls stitches and amputations.” 

“That’s… slightly disturbing.” 

“I was great at it.” 

“Okay, but it’s still terrifying.” 

Lena laughed, holding the bottle over Kara’s hand. “This isn’t going to feel good. Just squeeze my hand again, and I’m so sorry in advance.” 

Kara anxiously chewed her lip, mentally preparing herself, but still tensing up as Lena poured the liquid over her hand. 

“Try to think about something else,” Lena said, setting the bottle down and reaching for a paper towel. “Do you have plans for after work? Talk about that, it’ll help.” 

Kara nodded, resisting the urge to shake out her hand so it would stop burning. She couldn’t even look at the bubbles on her hand or she was sure she’d gag.

“Uh… today’s Friday, so I’m having a game night with some of my friends and my sister.” 

Lena smiled as she began to clean up the cut, carefully dapping the towel against Kara’s palm until the area around the wound was completely dry. “That sounds fun.” 

“Yeah, you should come.” 

Lena shook her head. “You don’t have to invite me out of obligation.” 

“No! I want you to come. I’ve never won trivia against Alex and you’re like a literal genius-- ow!” 

“Sorry.” 

“But I don’t just want you to come because you’re a genius, it is a lot of fun,” Kara continued. “And you’ll meet some new people around town other than me. Not that you don’t know anyone-- gosh, that came out wrong again-- I just mean I- uh… I really would like it if you came.” 

Lena smiled. Something about Kara’s ramblings seemed to make her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. They were reassuring in a way she couldn’t quite explain. She just made Lena feel so normal, like she was deserving of all the kindness she was being shown. And even though Lena knew it wasn’t true, she could almost believe it when it came from Kara. 

“Alright,” she said after a moment of contemplation. “I can come. As long as you’re sure it’s okay, I don’t want to intrude.” 

“Great!” Kara exclaimed as Lena wrapped a bandage around her hand. “You won’t be intruding at all. And if you want I can drive you to my place after work and we can order pizza or something.” 

“Are you sure? I really don’t want to inconvenience you anymore.” 

“I’m sure. And I could show you around town. Everything’s so pretty this time of year, it’s like living in _Gilmore Girls_. And I mean, you want to buy a house here, you really should see what everything looks like,” Kara said with a chuckle. 

“How do you know I haven’t been around?” Lena asked, raising a playful eyebrow. 

“I just never see you. Normally everyone runs into each other because the town’s so small, but I haven’t seen you out since that day at the diner last week,” Kara explained. 

“Oh… yeah,” Lena said, quickly averting her gaze. She packed up everything she’d used to clean up Kara’s hand and hastily began putting it back into the medicine cabinet. “I just… after what happened with Lex, if I go out… I just don’t want anyone to recognize me.”

“Right. I’m sorry, I didn’t even think of that,” Kara said softly. “I’d love to hang out tonight, but if game night’s too much I understand if you don’t want to come.” 

Lena bit her lip, turning back to face Kara. She did want to spend time with her. She wanted to look around and see the new world she was living in, to know all the little corners and feel comfortable where she was for once. She wanted to go out and not be afraid of people staring and whispering about her brother or asking about her pregnancy and why the father wasn’t in her life. But Lena didn’t have to check to know her face and her family were plastered on every newspaper and every magazine in the country.

So Lena couldn’t let herself come to game night and ruin Kara’s evening when her friends inevitably started asking questions. It just wouldn’t be fair. She didn’t even know how to play any board games. Her presence would only burden Kara and her friends if she came and she couldn’t do that to her. 

“Actually, I’m sorry I… I don’t know if I can do game night,” Lena said, looking down at her shoes so she wouldn’t have to see the look of disappointment on Kara’s face. 

“Oh… okay, maybe another time then.” 

Lena nodded. “Yeah. But do you uh... would you still want to hang out today, though?” She asked, her cheeks turning bright pink as soon as the words left her mouth. “You’re just like the only friend I have right now and I do want to look around town like you mentioned.” 

“Of course,” Kara said, immediately perking back up and smiling over at Lena. “I have to do some work on the car I just opened up, but it should only take about an hour. After that, we can go!” 

“O- okay, that sounds good.”

* * *

At five on the dot, Kara and Lena left the garage, driving down to main street, where all the local shops and cafes were located. Kara told Lena about every building they passed, giving her fun facts about the owners or recommending her favorite pastries when they walked by the bakery. 

“My friend Nia works there on the weekends, they’ve got some really great stuff,” Kara pointed out as they passed a relatively new thrift store. “You met her at the diner, she’s a waitress there too. If you come to game night in the future, she’s the _best_ at monopoly.” 

Lena smiled, making a mental note of the store's address. She’d never bought second hand clothes before, but she knew some of the girls did in high school because they thought it was quirky. Now, she couldn’t help but wonder if Kara would go in with her. But before she could build up the courage to ask, out of nowhere, Kara grabbed her hand and they jogged towards the end of the block to a little boutique with a pink awning. 

“This has been here forever, it’s all baby stuff,” she said, looking over at Lena and grinning from ear to ear. “We should go in! Basically every Midvale baby gets their first onesie from here, I’m pretty sure my mom still has older sister’s somewhere and Alex is almost thirty.” 

“Don’t you think it’s a little early?” Lena asked, placing a hand on her stomach. “I haven’t even started my second trimester yet.” 

“It’s never too early,” Kara said confidently, looking at Lena with eyes she just couldn’t say no to. 

“Come on, we have to go in!” She added, bouncing on her toes for extra emphasis. 

“Alright,” Lena said, unable to hold back her smile as she rolled her eyes with a laugh. “But I’m not getting anything.” 

“You say that now.” 

Kara led her into the boutique, the bells hanging in the doorway ringing out as they entered and the sound of soft music greeting them as they aimlessly walked into the center. There were shelves filled top to bottom with stuffed animals and colorful toys. There were painted wooden blocks and puzzles of farm animals and different shapes. To Lena, it almost felt like stepping into a different world.

Towards the other end of the store, a model crib was set up to display sheet and decorative pillow options with a blue baby blanket hung over the rail. Lena’s breath caught in her throat at the sight as she realized one day in the not so far off future she’d be buying one for her little one. 

Lena couldn’t be sure if it was her hormones or real emotion but something about standing in the middle of it all caused her heart to ache and eyes to well with tears. It was just so much, so much she hadn’t thought to prepare for. She still had almost seven months to get everything ready, but it seemed like the time was slipping right through her fingers and she had no way of stopping it. It was a terrifying thought, but even more terrifying to know if she fucked this up, it wouldn’t just be herself she was hurting. 

“Hey, look, the onesies are over there,” Kara said, snapping Lena out of her trance. 

Lena cleared her throat and for once felt her smile come naturally as Kara took her over to the display of infant clothes. They were arranged by color and pattern, most of them having little animal designs or simple pastel designs. 

“Don’t you think it’s too soon for this kind of thing?” Lena asked but still couldn’t resist picking one up. 

“Maybe, but it’s the most adorable thing, you have to get it.” 

Lena sighed, but her smile didn’t falter. The onesie _was_ pretty adorable. It was white with little foxes and paw prints on the feet. It even came with a matching hat that had red ears pointing off the top. She knew she needed to start preparing and she would’ve loved to buy it. But she already had so many debts to pay off, she couldn’t do it just yet. 

“I… it’s fifteen dollars… maybe another time,” Lena said, reluctantly putting it back down. 

“Alright. Oh-- hey, look at this!” 

Kara held up a packaged up pacifier with an elephant hanging off of it. 

“Tell me this isn't the cutest thing you’ve ever seen,” she said, handing it to Lena.

“You said that about the onesie.”

“I know, but it’s true for everything here. I’m honestly ready to buy out the entire store and I’m not even the one having a baby.” 

Lena chuckled. If she’d had the money, she knew she probably would’ve bought everything in sight. All she wanted was to give this baby everything, she’d always been so sure she would, even if she couldn’t give them their father. She wanted to spoil them with everything she had and give them the childhood she hadn’t gotten. Now, she had to contemplate every onesie, every little hat, everything. The more she looked around the store, seeing other women with babies in strollers or wandering by themselves, filling their baskets without a care in the world, she couldn’t help but resent herself for all the ways she’d failed her child before they were even born. 

“You know what, I think I’m gonna buy the onesie,” she said, and grabbed it before she could change her mind. She had to start picking up the pieces somewhere, and maybe it could all start with fox patterned baby clothes.

* * *

“I can put this all in the back,” Kara said, taking the shopping bags from Lena. “You shouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting.” 

“It’s almost all baby clothes, I think I’ll be fine,” Lena retorted with a laugh. But Kara being as chivalrous as she always was, took them anyway and put them in the trunk of her car. “Alright, I think that’s everything.” 

Lena nodded. Somehow, she’d ended up with two full bags of clothes, pacifiers, and toys. It was probably irresponsible, but the shop owner allowed her to set up a tab so she could pay her bill over time the same way Kara had done with her car. So she let herself indulge, her excitement and hormones making her go just a tad bit overboard. That, and every time Kara saw Lena’s expression change at the realization she couldn’t afford something, she couldn’t help but say she’d get it for her, just to see Lena smile again. By the time they finished, Lena had two bags full of clothes, toys, picture books, and burp cloths bought mostly by Kara. It may have been expensive but Kara didn’t regret it one bit. Not if it meant she could ease Lena’s struggle, even just a little bit. 

“Hey, are you going somewhere, little Danvers?” 

Kara looked up to see Alex and her girlfriend Maggie walking up the driveway. Maggie waved at her as she grinned and held up a bag of take out. 

“What’s with the deer in the headlights look?” Alex asked. “We got extra potstickers, just for you.”

Kara didn’t respond, she just glanced over at Lena, who was anxiously fidgeting with hair. 

“I’m sorry, I must’ve lost track of time,” she whispered. 

Lena shook her head. “It’s okay, I can walk back to the garage and drive myself to the motel back from there,” she said. After everything Kara had done for her, she couldn’t make her drive her back when her friends were showing up too. 

“Hey, you must be Lena,” Alex pointed out with a smile. “I’m Alex, I’m Kara’s sister and this is Maggie, my girlfriend.”

Lena nodded. “Yeah, it’s nice to meet you both.” 

“Are you staying for game night?” Maggie asked. 

Lena shook her head. “Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to intrude,” she said with a nervous smile. 

“Aw,” Maggie said, seeming somewhat disappointed. “These two always team up and crush the rest of us. It would’ve been nice to have someone new that’ll put them in their place.” 

Lena couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Is that true?” She asked, looking up at Kara.

“We just work very well together.”

“They cheat,” Maggie interjected. “They don’t work well together, they just cheat.” 

Kara shook her head and raised a finger to stop her. “I prefer to call it a special set of skills that may or may not be acknowledged within the games rules. If you want to consider it cheating, I won’t stop you from having beliefs that don’t align with mine.” 

“Yeah, we just strategize, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Alex agreed. 

“Okay, you two, shut up,” Maggie said with a laugh, playfully waving her hand in front of her girlfriend's face. “And Lena, are you sure you can’t stay? I would love someone to help me kick their asses.” 

Lena bit her lip and rocked back and forth on her heels, glancing over at Kara as if to ask permission. 

“You should stay,” Kara said softly. “If you want to, of course.” 

“I uh, I guess I will.”

* * *

Walking into Kara’s house, the only word Lena could find to describe it was warm. It was small and cluttered with art hung on the wall and easels in the corner of the living room with painted canvases tucked against the wall. The kitchen sink was overflowing with dirty dishes and the mantle held tons of photographs of Kara with her friends and family throughout the years. 

Lillian would’ve said it was tacky or childish to have that many things out at once. The paintings and framed pictures were far too intimate for company to be around and should’ve been tucked away in a closet where no one would find them, just like whatever other skeletons didn’t deserve to see the light of day. Even the vases of flowers and overflowing window boxes would’ve been criticized by her mother.

But Lena found it all endearing. All the little things like overstuffed pillows on the sofa and the stack of games next to the fireplace that reached up to her hip were so fascinating to her. Then there was Krypto, who greeted them at the door and followed Kara around the entire night. Even he seemed like an extension of Kara’s personality.

To Lena, it was all so incredible. Kara had complete freedom to do whatever she wanted with her space, something Lena had never been given. And looking around, Lena couldn’t imagine anything more Kara. 

Once the rest of Kara’s friends arrived; Nia, the waitress Lena had met, and a guy they all called Brainy, the group sat down in the living room in a circle around the coffee table. Kara introduced Lena to everyone once more, and quickly they took a liking to her. Lena was almost able to relax with them, even if she couldn’t understand why anyone would want her to be there. Then after about fifteen minutes of debate, they settled on Clue instead of Monopoly, since as Nia said, it was the least likely to destroy their newfound friendship. 

“Lena, who do you want to be?” Kara asked as she organized the stacks of cards. 

“Uhh… the red one, I guess.” Lena said, unsure of any character names.

“You definitely have Ms. Scarlett energy,” Nia said with a grin. “I don’t know why, but I can totally see you killing dark red lipstick, it would be such a look on you.” 

“Thanks,” Lena said, smiling as she reached for the game piece. “You could too, it would look great with your eyes.” 

“Everyone knows how to play, right?” Alex interrupted once everything was set up. “‘Cause I don’t want to spend an hour going through the instructions like last time.” 

Lena twirled a strand of hair around her thumb and index, hoping it wouldn’t be too complicated. While everyone seemed to like her, she was still the outcast amongst Kara’s group. She didn’t need to hold up the night for everyone else just because she’d had a shitty childhood and was never allowed to play board games. 

But somehow, she got lucky and, Kara, picking up on her apprehension, tapped Lena on the shoulder, offering her a reassuring smile. 

“I can explain it if you get lost,” she whispered. 

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” 

“Alright then, let’s start,” Alex said, picking up the dice so she could roll first. 

_It’s just a game._ Lena reminded herself as she took a deep breath. _You’re going to be fine, it’s just a game._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have i mentioned i *despise* the way i write


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after game night, Lena wakes up with particularly bad morning sickness. Luckily, Kara is there to help her out.   
> Trigger warning- vomiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what it is about this fic but i can't write anything decent for it lmao i swear I'm normally a lot better than this. this story rlly brings out the worst in me, but i still kinda love it

Lena groaned and held a hand to her stomach as it began to churn. She slowly sat up, realizing instantly she was in Kara’s room and must’ve slept in her bed. As she looked around though, Lena saw Kara was nowhere to be found. She stood up and scratched her head, trying to figure out how she’d gotten up here and why no one had woken her up. But before she could give it much contemplation, Lena’s stomach lurched and she threw a hand over her mouth, running into the hall and throwing open the bathroom door. 

Falling to the ground, Lena gripped the edges of the toilet bowl and began to heave, hoping to whatever higher power was out there that nobody would hear her. 

Once she finished, Lena let herself fall to the ground, her head resting on the edge of the bathtub. She closed her eyes and brought her hands up to her forehead as she tried to figure out how the hell she’d ended up alone in Kara’s bed. 

She remembered game night clearly. She’d been so hungry from weeks of delegating her food she’d eaten three slices of pizza without even thinking about it. Then Lena remembered how tired she’d been but how she tried so hard to stay awake so she wouldn’t bum out the group. She could almost recall the sound of muffled voices and Kara angrily shushing someone. And then there was the lingering of warm ghostly hands lifting her up and a pillow being slipped beneath her head. 

Lena opened her eyes once more and ran her fingers through her hair as she began to process how the night had most likely turned out. Kara must’ve carried her to bed; Lena couldn’t help but smile at the thought. Kara hadn’t woken her up and kicked her out. She hadn’t told Lena how inconvenient she’d been-- passing out on the couch like that, then told her to go back to the motel. She’d carried her upstairs and tucked her in under the covers-- not the couch, but a real bed with blankets and pillows that hadn’t been used by hundreds of people before her. 

Just as the guilt began to set it, Lena felt her stomach begin to turn once more.

“Fucking hell,” she muttered and rolled her eyes. She then quickly picked herself up and groaned as she leaned over the toilet once more, accepting her fate as she began to empty the contents of her stomach once more. 

When Kara found her five minutes later, Lena was in the same exact position.

* * *

Kara rubbed her eyes and let out a yawn as she reached the top of the staircase, pausing when she heard the sound of Lena retching coming from the bathroom. Kara instinctively ran to her. The door was still wide open but Kara hovered in the hall regardless, not allowing herself to come any closer unless Lena said it was alright.

“Lena-- oh God-- Lena, are you okay?” She asked as she anxiously rubbed her collar bone. 

Lena coughed once more and swallowed the sharp lump rising to the top of her throat. She winced as she sat back down, wrapping one arm around her stomach. 

“I’m fine, just morning sickness,” she said, her voice raspy and strained. “I didn’t wake you, did I?” 

Kara shook her head. “No, my alarm went off about a minute ago.”

Lena nodded, looking down at the ground and scratching the back of her neck. “Kara, I’m so sorry about all this.” 

“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize,” Kara said, doing her best to hide how freaked out by just how sick Lena was. “Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe… water, or fresh clothes or something?” 

Lena bit her lip. But before she could bring herself to respond, she was hit with another wave of nausea much stronger than the last few. She bent over and heaved more, not stopping until she was sure there was absolutely nothing left in her. When she finished, she fell back to the ground, letting out a pained whimper as she wrapped her arms around her stomach and held herself tightly. 

“I’m gonna get you some water,” Kara said. All Lena could manage was a small nod before Kara went downstairs, coming back less than a minute later with a concerned crinkle between her eyes as she handed Lena the glass. 

“Is it normally this bad?” 

“Mmm… I always throw up, but never not this much,” Lena said, the tile sending shivers down her spine as she laid back down on the floor. “I can still work just-- just give me a minute and I’ll be good to go.” 

Kara shook her head. “No, you should rest, you look terrible.”

“Thanks.” 

“No-- I just mean, you look bad like-- like you’re in pain,” Kara clarified. “You don’t look well enough to work.”

“Really? ‘Cause I feel super sexy,” Lena said and managed a small laugh.

“You are but you should still stay back. Wait, that came out wrong! Well you are, I mean you-- I just, I meant to say you can stay here while I go, I’ll…. I can make you some tea before I leave-- oh, and I have a pair of sweats that are too big and a bunch of hoodies if you want to change,” Kara rambled.  _ Seriously? You called her sexy while she’s puking her guts out? What is wrong with you?  _

“But I-- no, Kara, I need to work,” Lena said. She cringed as she pushed herself up off the ground and ran a hand through her hair, struggling to regain her composure. 

“I know, but you’ll come in tomorrow,” Kara said and softly placed a gentle hand on Lena’s arm.

For some reason, Lena didn’t flinch at the contact the way she thought she would’ve. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched her like that, in such a simple but still well-intended manner. At her best, she was always made to feel dirty and unwanted. But now, when she was sick and sweaty and smelled of puke, Kara reached for her as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It was as if she wasn’t phased at all. 

“Right now, you need to lie down somewhere other than the floor and take it easy,” Kara said firmly. She was authoritative but somehow still radiated warmth, it didn’t make any sense how she could be both at once. “And then, if you’re up to it, maybe try to eat something.”

Lena shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. She just couldn’t understand it. She’d done so much to make Kara angry. She’d taken her bed and had been occupying her only bathroom all morning. Hell, Kara should’ve told her off the day they met when Lena came to her with a broken car she couldn’t afford to have fixed. 

“It’s your house, you can’t,” Lena said as she began to crumble. “I’m not-- I can’t do this to you, it isn’t fair.” 

“Lena, you’re sick. I can’t make you go back to the motel.”

“I shouldn’t be doing this, though,” Lena insisted, her voice breaking. “I’m so sorry, Kara.” 

“It’s okay.” 

Lena shook her head once more. “No, I’m leeching off of you for everything, Kara. You don’t deserve this. God, it hasn’t even a month and I just-- I shouldn’t be putting your through this.” 

“You’re my friend, Lena,” Kara said without missing a beat. “At least, I really want you to be. And friends help each other out when they’re down.” 

“But why aren’t you mad?” 

“Because you can’t control this, any of it. You’re growing another human inside of you, I’m in no position to judge,” Kara explained, taking Lena’s hand in her own. “So spend the day here, and when you feel better you can go back.” 

Lena just nodded, too exhausted to argue as Kara helped her off the floor and walked her back into her room. She guided Lena over to the bed, then made her way over to the other end of the room, picking up the trash can by the bedroom door and setting it down next to Lena. 

“I need to get to work, you just relax until I’m back,” Kara said with a comforting smile. “I’ve gotta get ready, so just yell if you need anything.”

“I… Kara, I don’t know how to thank you for this.” 

Kara shrugged it off, looking down at Lena with that sunshiney grin that was able to make her feel so warm and safe inside. 

“What are friends for?”

* * *

Lena dragged herself out of bed and stretched out her back as she released a quiet moan. The floorboards creaked under her weight as she stood up, the only sound coming from the otherwise silent house. She allowed herself to change into the pajama pants and oversized hoodie Kara had left for her before washing her face and brushing her teeth. Noticing the bathroom still stunk from the morning, Lena made a mental note to clean it before Kara got home so she wouldn’t have to do it herself. 

Lena then padded downstairs into the living room, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she walked to try and wake herself up. 

She frowned at the sound of a buzzing noise coming from somewhere in the kitchen. Kara was gone and didn’t have a home phone, which meant it had to be hers. Lena groaned as she made her way into the other room, knowing this couldn’t be anything good.

She quickly found her phone where she left it on the counter and gave herself a moment to breathe before she answered. Her mind went blank as she tried to fathom who would care enough to call her in the middle of the workday. Her job was gone so she didn’t have an angry boss or displeased coworkers. And Lex was in jail, which meant for once, Lillian was too preoccupied to care about what she was up to. 

The only person left was the man she’d left in Metropolis, but he was oblivious enough that he wouldn’t call out of the blue like this. So Lena was sure even if it was bad, it couldn’t be anything too life-altering, right?

“Hello?” She answered without even checking the caller ID. Lena nervously shifted her weight between her legs as she waited for whoever was on the other line to respond, instantly regretting the choice to pick up the phone at all.

“Is this Lena Luthor?” 

“Yes, this is she.” 

“Ms. Luthor, this is the Hiway House Motel, we wanted to inform you that you’re almost a week behind on your payments. So, I’m sorry, but if you can’t pay for the past five days by this afternoon, we’re going to have to ask you to leave.” 

“What?” Lena asked, unable to believe what she was hearing. 

“We understand this probably isn’t ideal, but you can’t continue to book your room while avoiding the fees like you’ve been doing,” the woman on the other line explained. 

“No,” Lena whispered. That motel was everything, she couldn’t leave. She couldn’t be homeless-- technically she already was, but she couldn’t lose her room. She wouldn’t have anything left. “No, please, you don’t understand, just give me a few more days.” 

“Look, I get you’re probably going through something right now. Most people are when they stay at a motel for over a week and keep adding days. That’s why we’ve let your missing payments slide these past few days,” the woman said. Lena could hear the sympathy in her voice, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. “But you can’t continue to stay here if you aren’t paying.” 

“Please, I don’t have the money right now but I-- I got a job and I’m working on it, I just need a few more days,” Lena begged. She ran a violently shaky hand through her hair as tears began to burn in her eyes. How could she have been so stupid? She had to know avoiding her bills was going to catch up to her eventually, how could she have let yet another thing fall through the cracks? 

“We have other guests that would like to book the room, so unless you can pay by tonight, there’s nothing we can do for you.” 

“Listen, I will do anything.” She didn’t even think before the words slipped out, her voice breaking as her eyes began to water and she could feel herself physically start to break. “I’ll clean rooms, I’ll answer phones or wash dishes-- I… I will scrub toilets just… please, I can’t…” 

“I’m sorry, but there really is nothing we can do for you.”

With that, Lena released a heavy sigh and hung up her phone then tossed it back onto the counter. She looked down at her trembling hands, trying to imagine what she’d say to Kara when she got back from work and inevitably offered her a ride back to the motel, or worse, what she’d say when her child was born and she didn’t have a crib or a nursery. Lena had always known she wasn’t fit to be a parent, but this, this was just the cherry on top of all her other failures and shortcomings.

How could she expect to raise a baby like this? She was supposed to be a genius, a prodigy even! How could she have done this? She’d had everything in Metropolis, an apartment, a life that she had been perfectly content with. How could she have been so irresponsible, moving to Midvale with absolutely nothing? 

A shaky breath left her lips as Lena crumpled to the ground. Falling to her knees, she held a hand over her mouth as she did everything she could to stifle her cries. She was going to ruin her baby. She was going to hurt and traumatize them the same way Lillian did to her. And to think, she’d truly believed she could do any better; all those nights she’d stayed up promising herself she’d be better, they all meant nothing now. Her fate was predetermined, it always had been.

Lena was so sure she'd been abused because she was worthless, she was broken down, damaged goods. It all had to be her fault, that was the only reasonable explanation for it. But now, she was going to inflict that same pain on her baby, all because she couldn’t get herself together in time. 

“I’m sorry,” Lena sobbed, looking down as she placed a hand on her stomach. “I’m so sorry you’re stuck with me. You deserve so much better and I… I am so sorry.” 

She held her head in her hand as she cried, pulling a knee up into her chest and letting it all fall out. She couldn’t keep letting everyone down like this. Not when she was just one short week away from entering her second trimester and finally found a friend who actually seemed to give a shit about her. Lena couldn’t keep failing. She wasn’t sure how, but she had to change. And she had to do it fast.

* * *

Lena wasn’t sure where it came from. But somewhere in the middle of her spiral, through all the anger and hatred, Lena was reminded of the mess she’d left Kara. And not just the lingering smell in the bathroom from when she’d been sick. But all the stress she’d caused her, all the resentment that must’ve been building inside, Lena knew she’d have to face it when Kara got back. 

So she dried her eyes and forced herself to bottle up every last ounce of pain she’d been feeling, pushing it down so far that she would have to dig relentlessly if she wanted even a shot at finding it. And then, Lena dragged herself off the ground. She trudged upstairs and slid open the door to the hall closet, grabbing whatever cleaning supplies she found and making her way back to the bathroom. 

She got down on her knees and scrubbed the toilet over and over again. She wiped down the sink and sprayed the mirror with windex over and over again. And when that was done, she cleaned the tub and washed every inch of the tile floor. 

Lena’s hands were starting to cramp as she squeezed the sponge. She was panting heavily and not just from cleaning so vigorously. She squeezed harder and leaned back against the doorway, listening to the sound of her heart thumping against her chest. The floor was still wet, she couldn’t clean the bathroom again unless she wanted to risk slipping and hurting her baby. But she couldn’t stop. Because if she stopped then she’d start thinking and if she started thinking she’d start crying again, and Lena knew if she started, she wouldn’t be able to stop. So she had to keep going. 

Lena grabbed the bleach and various other spray bottles and took them downstairs into the kitchen. 

“Dishes… then counters, then floors then…” she thought aloud, whispering to herself as she looked around the house. Her eyes were still watery and her body was covered in aches, she was falling beneath the surface faster than she ever had before. It was all spinning out of control, everything she thought she had was disappearing between her very eyes. And the only thing she could do to stop it was clean. 

“Dishes, then counters, then floors,” Lena repeated.

Maybe if she tried hard enough she’d be able to forget even just for a second. If she kept going, maybe the control might finally start to come back. 

Lena released a shaky breath as she set the sponge down and reached for her phone. It was Kara calling, Lena couldn’t just ignore it. 

“Hey,” she answered, clearing her throat. Her voice was still raw and hoarse from earlier. Lena could only hope Kara wouldn’t notice, she was already so humiliated. She wasn’t sure how much more of it she could take. 

“Hey, how are you doing? I just left work and I wanted to check in.” 

“Oh.” Lena bit her lip and sat down at the kitchen table. “I’m uh… I’m alright. I haven’t thrown up in a few hours.” 

“Are you hungry?” Kara asked. “I’m guessing you haven’t eaten today and I’m thinking about making stir fry for dinner.” 

Lena hesitated and shamefully looked down at her lap. “You don’t have to make me dinner.” 

“I know, but I have to make myself dinner,” Kara responded. “And you’ve been home all day, you might as well stay and eat. Besides, it’s not like you’ll find anything better at the motel.” 

“Then yeah… I guess if it’s not a problem.” 

“Not at all,” Kara said. Lena could practically hear her smile. “And if you’re craving anything I can pick something up for you on the way home, I wouldn’t mind.” 

“Kara, you really don’t have to do that,” Lena said, pinching down against the skin on her palm. She didn’t deserve this. She did  _ not _ deserve any of it. 

“I want to, though. You’ve been sick all day, you should get to eat something  _ you _ want.”

“But--” 

“Are you craving anything?” Kara cut her off. 

“Yes…” 

Kara stayed silent, giving Lena the space she needed to answer. Lena just sighed, cursing herself for being stupid enough to let anything slip. 

“Um… well I guess… you don’t have to, but I’ve been thinking about Big Belly Burger non stop the past few days,” Lena confessed, covering her face with her hand as her cheeks turned bright red. 

She could hear Kara laugh on the other line, a sound so contagious Lena couldn’t help but feel her spirits begin to lift ever so slightly. 

“There’s a Big Belly Burger about fifteen minutes out of town I can stop at. Is there anything in particular you want?”

Lena paused and mulled it over, biting the nail on her index finger as she tried to form an order that wouldn’t be too complicated or embarrassing.

“You’re sure you don’t mind?” She asked. “I don’t want to waste your money on my pregnancy cravings.” 

“It’s fine! I’m gonna get stuff for myself too, I love Big Belly Burger,” Kara said, her nonchalance easing Lena’s nerves. 

“Alright. I guess a veggie burger with ketchup and… maybe fries if it’s okay?”

“It’s fine,” Kara said as if it were nothing. “Anything else? Like a milkshake or something?” 

Silence. How could Kara tell Lena had been craving one more than anything else? It was as if she were some sort of superhero with meal-induced mind reading. 

“I’ll take the silence as a yes. What flavor?” 

“Chocolate.” 

“That’s my favorite too! Oh-- I’m getting onto a weird road, so I gotta go. I’ll see you in about an hour.”

* * *

“Hey, I’m back!” 

Kara wandered into the living room and dropped her bags of food on the coffee table. She chuckled to herself as she turned around to see Lena sitting on the couch with her head on one of the pillows, fast asleep. 

“Hey, Lena wake up,” Kara said as she gently nudged Lena’s shoulder. It was then that she glanced back into the kitchen, noticing all her cleaning supplies out on the counter and dishes stacked neatly next to the sink. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep again,” Lena said, covering her mouth as she let out a yawn. 

“It’s alright, did you do the dishes?” 

Lena nodded. “Shit, I forgot to put the cleaning stuff away, I--” 

“It’s okay, I’ll get it later,” Kara said. She sat down beside her and handed Lena one of the bags before taking her own. “So, how do you feel?” 

“Better,” Lena said as she took out her shake and fries. She was too tired to question Kara’s kindness or think about what would happen now that her home was gone. All she had the energy for was to eat, and thankfully, it seemed like Kara felt the same way. 

“I’m glad, I was honestly terrified when I found you this morning,” Kara confessed with a mouthful of burger. 

“It’s alright. I’ve read it starts to fade during the second trimester, so hopefully, I won’t be dealing with it for too much longer,” Lena said, managing a small but genuine smile. “And I’m fine now, so I’ll be good to go to work tomorrow.” 

Kara nodded. “Yeah, I think you’ll show up either way. You don’t seem like the type of person to take one sick day let alone two.” 

“That’s right.” 

Kara grinned. “Well… I have to admit, I'm happy you’ll be going-- if you feel up to it, of course. It’s just… it is a lot more fun when you’re there.” 

“Really?” Lena asked. 

“Yeah, it’s nice having you around.” 

Lena’s cheeks turned bright pink as she quickly averted her gaze. She might’ve lost her makeshift house, but staying with Kara, she couldn’t help but feel like she was finally finding her home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya so i've got some questions for you guys   
> do you guys want to know who lena's baby daddy is or do you not care? also should i end the story when lena gives birth or like do you want to see her with the kid? bc i have a plan for if i ended it when she gives birth, but i also have so many baby scenes planned and idk what to do.   
> i know it's my story but like help a girl out lmao


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena's doing her best but it isn't enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this chapters kinda short and kinda sad, but things are gonna start looking up soon :)

“Hey, so I’ve got an ultrasound after work today,” Lena said, watching as Kara worked on the inside of a beat-up pick up truck. “And I… I was wondering if you’d want to come.” 

Kara turned around, the question getting her attention right away, and smiled breathlessly at Lena. 

“Really?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You’re just like my only friend here, and I mean, most people wouldn’t touch a Luthor with a ten-foot pole. But you’re…” Lena’s voice trailed off. She couldn’t seem to find the right words to define her friend. She wasn’t even sure how she felt about her herself yet. 

All she knew for sure was Kara was unlike anyone she’d ever met before, and that in itself, was terrifying. Everything about her from the sunshine in her smile to the smooth tone in her voice and the way she sent goosebumps down Lena’s spine every time she offered her one of her gentle touches, was so foreign and unknown. Then there was the way she made Lena feel, there were no words for that either. It was, again, terrifying. And the worst part was the way Lena’s emotions and hormones all coming together always managed to cloud her judgment. It was like alcohol except instead of drunk all she got was confused. 

“I just… if you could come, I’d really appreciate it,” Lena said. “But if you don’t want to, I’ll understand.” 

“I’d love to,” Kara said without any hesitation. 

“Really?”

“Yeah!” 

“You’re sure?” Lena asked, unable to believe it. 

Kara nodded and grinned back at her, radiating that feeling Lena still couldn’t name, strong enough she could allow herself to herself begin to relax.

“Of course, I want to come! The pictures you showed me last time were amazing. So if you want me there, I’d be really happy to share the moment with you.” 

Lena bit her lip. She didn’t even try to bite back her smile at those words as she let her excitement take over.

“Great!” she said, hoping Kara wouldn’t be put off by her enthusiasm. “It’s not until six, so I guess I can drive us over at like 5:30?” 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Kara said. And for once, Lena let herself soak up all of Kara’s joy.

* * *

“So… are you nervous?” Kara asked as she took hold of Lena’s palm so she could help her up onto the exam table. 

“A little,” Lena admitted. “Not about the ultrasound itself, just that I might find out something’s wrong with the baby.” 

Kara nodded, giving Lena’s hand a comforting squeeze before she let go. There wasn’t much she could say to that. She’d never been the best at reading people in bad situations, but she could guess telling Lena she was sure everything would be okay, probably wouldn’t make her feel any better. All Kara could do was try to show her support in the ways she knew how and hope that would be enough for now. 

Before long, Dr. Wheeler entered the room, smiling at both of them as she introduced herself to Kara and took a seat on the stool next to Lena’s bed. 

“Ms. Luthor, it’s great to see you again,” she said, quickly putting on a pair of plastic gloves. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright, still waiting for the morning sickness to let up.” 

“Has it been getting better at all?” The doctor asked as she adjusted the sonogram machine and grabbed a tube of gel off the cart. 

“A little, yeah. But it’s been more of all-day sickness rather than just in the morning, so that can be pretty inconvenient” Lena said with a small chuckle. She glanced over at Kara, who smiled reassuringly back at her. 

“Yeah, I’ve met very few women who only get sick in the morning. But you’re still taking the prenatal vitamins and folic acid, right?”

Lena nodded.

“Great, then hopefully everything will be looking good.” Dr. Wheeler said. She gave Lena a moment to lift her shirt before squeezing the cool gel onto her stomach.

The cold sensation shocked Lena and covered her in chills. Before she could stop herself or even give herself a second to think, she had instinctively reached out and grabbed Kara’s hand once more. Kara smiled down at her, brushing the pad of her thumb over Lena’s knuckles as the doctor moved the probe around her abdomen. 

“Alright, there’s your baby,” Dr. Wheeler announced, turning the machine so both Kara and Lena could see the ultrasound. 

“Hey, it doesn’t look like an alien anymore!” Kara exclaimed. “Sorry-- that was wrong-- I mean they-- they look like a baby… a very cute baby.”

Lena laughed and shook her head, smiling so hard her cheeks began to ache. “I knew they’d grow out of it. They’re so big now.” 

“Right now you’re exactly sixteen weeks along. Which means if you want, I can tell you the sex,” Dr. Wheeler said. 

“Already?” 

The doctor nodded. “Yup. Or I can write it down and put it in an envelope so you can open it when you’re both ready.” 

“Oh.” Lena wasn’t sure where to start with that.

She looked back over to Kara, unsure of whether she should apologize profusely or just correct Dr. Wheeler for her mistake and laugh it off. But it didn’t seem to matter what she thought, as the confusion took over and swallowed her ability to do or say anything at all. 

Did she and Kara really look like a couple? They were just supposed to be friends. And sure, Lena didn’t have much experience to go off, but she never thought there had been anything weird about the way she and Kara were to each other.

She bit her lip, nervously averting her gaze and staring back at the image of her baby. Maybe it was just because she’d always been so oblivious to how real friendships worked that she hadn’t noticed how much she’d overstepped.

She loved her baby and she loved spending time with Kara, so inviting her to the ultrasound just seemed natural. But maybe that was too much, maybe Kara had only said yes because she felt like saying no wasn’t an option. Lena knew that feeling, she knew what it felt like to be forced into something that someone else wanted all because she was too afraid to hurt them. Was that what she’d done to Kara? Had she pressured her so much she’d taken away her choice entirely? 

“Hey, Lena,” Kara whispered, gently tapping her on the shoulder. “Do you wanna know the sex?” 

“The sex… right, I… I don’t know,” Lena said. She cleared her throat and quickly wiped her eyes, she hadn’t even realized she’d been crying until she saw the concern in Kara’s face and the crinkle between her brow. 

“Um, can you just do the envelope? I’ll figure it out later.”

Dr. Wheeler nodded. “Yes, but before I do, there is still something else you need to be aware of.” Her expression quickly turned serious and both Kara and Lena held their breaths as they waited for her news. 

“Do you want me to go or…” Kara asked. 

Lena shook her head. “That’s okay, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll stay.”

“So, what is it?” Lena asked the doctor, clinging to Kara’s hand as if it were a lifeline. There was already so much on her plate, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to take it if something was wrong with her baby. 

“Right now, I’m a little worried about your blood pressure. While the weight gain in both you and your baby is looking better, baby is not where they should be in terms of growth right now,” Dr. Wheeler explained. She took off her gloves and folded her hands in her lap, looking down at Lena with a solemn expression.

“So even though your weight has improved, the path you’re heading down is definitely raising some red flags. And if you don’t work on reversing it, your baby’s going to be at risk for complications like spina bifida, or brain and spinal cord damage.” 

Lena’s heart stopped, tears filling her eyes once more. How could she have been so stupid? She was so sure she’d been doing better. She’d still been spacing out her meals but she’d been making money now, she was grocery shopping again and trying to eat as much as she could afford to. 

But even though she was eating almost regularly, food wasn’t the only thing she had to worry about. And working as a secretary in Kara’s auto shop, she didn’t make enough to cover everything. Her pants didn’t fit anymore, which meant she needed to go thrifting for second-hand maternity clothes. She needed to buy refills of her vitamins and other meds from the pharmacy. She needed to fill the gas in her car and she was still in debt to Kara for fixing it weeks ago. And now that she was out of a room at the motel, she needed to put whatever she had left in the bank so she could save up and buy an apartment. 

That meant sleeping in her car outside the auto shop because she’d learned if she parked it on the street, she was more likely to get harassed by teenage boys looking for an easy target. It didn’t seem to matter what she did or how hard she tried, there was just nothing she could do to make it all work.

“I understand this probably isn’t something you’re doing intentionally,” Dr. Wheeler said. Her voice was kind, but Lena could only imagine the things she must’ve been thinking about her. After all, she had every right to judge. No one was judging her harder than Lena was doing to herself. 

“But this pattern is very similar to what we see in patients with eating disorders, so I do have to ask, have you had any sort of history with anorexia or restriction in the past? Because if you have, I have some great referrals I can give you for treatment programs in the area.” 

Lena shook her head. “No, I- I’m trying…” she looked down at her bloated, swollen abdomen and swallowed the lump in her throat. “I am trying to eat enough.” 

Dr. Wheeler nodded. “Okay,” she said softly. “If you want, I can also recommend some resources for--”

“No. No, I-- I’ll figure it out myself.” 

Kara frowned as Lena shamefully pulled her hand away. She could practically see the walls shooting back up around her, closing her off from the rest of the world entirely. 

“I’m fine, I can figure it out on my own.”

* * *

On the drive back to the auto shop, Kara and Lena sat in silence, neither of them ready to acknowledge the elephant in the room. For thirty minutes, Lena stared out the window as Kara drove, trying to lose herself to the sound of Kara’s  _ Taylor Swift bangers  _ playlist playing through the Bluetooth speakers. Really though, all she wanted to do was apologize. There were so many things Lena wasn’t even sure where she’d start, the only thing she knew for sure was when they got back to the garage, she’d have to figure it out. 

When they finally arrived, however, it was Kara who spoke first. 

“I uh, I never finished the car I was working on when we left, so I think I’ll stay for a little while to get it done,” she said, awkwardly intertwining her fingers. “But thank you for letting me come to your appointment, it was honestly amazing-- especially when we got to hear the heartbeat. That was really cool.” 

“Yeah…” Lena had prepared herself for a lot of different scenarios, but a thank you certainly wasn’t one. “Well, thank you for coming with me, it really meant a lot.” 

“Of course,” Kara said with a warm smile. “Oh-- do you think you’re gonna open the envelope?” 

Lena shrugged. “Maybe. I haven’t decided yet. But if I do, you’ll be the first to know.” 

Kara grinned, her cheeks turning bright pink. “Well… I should probably get back to the car,” she said, vaguely gesturing over to the garage. 

“Right,” Lena said as a blush crept up to her cheeks too. “If you’re gonna keep working, I can too-- I’ll organize your schedule or whatever you need.” 

She knew there was no legitimate reason for her to stay late. Her job wasn’t hard and most days she was done with her work long before Kara. But she didn’t know how to explain that she couldn’t just get in her car and drive away. Especially not after the humiliating news she’d gotten from the doctor, she’d look completely incompetent. 

“No, it’s okay. The workday is over so nobody’s gonna call or anything. And you always go through the messages in the morning anyway, so you’re good to go,” Kara said, slipping her hands into the pockets of her jeans. 

Lena nodded and forced a smile. There was no use arguing, it wouldn’t get her anywhere. 

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she said as she turned around. She could drive around for an hour then come back. Or she’d figure something else out for the night. She always did.

* * *

“Fuck,” Lena muttered as she pulled into the auto shop driveway, seeing the lights in the garage still on. “ _ Fuck. _ ” 

Through the darkness, she could make out Kara’s shadowy figure, still working on the same truck from earlier. She stopped at the sound of Lena’s car pulling up a few feet away, dropping the wrench she’d been holding and wiping her greasy palms on her torn jeans. She waved and jogged over to Lena, who couldn’t seem to bring herself to leave the car. 

Lena felt her heart stop as Kara tapped on the window and smiled through her confusion, doing her best not to look too alarmed. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Kara asked, rocking back and forth on her heels. 

“I uh… I forgot my phone in the office,” Lena said. Her mouth was dry and palms sweaty as she rolled down the window to talk. 

“What? No, you didn’t,” Kara said. “You had it at the doctors, you were playing that chess app in the waiting room.” 

Lena didn’t respond. 

“I… should I have not said anything?” Kara thought aloud. “Wait-- are you sleeping here?” 

“What? W- why would you think that?” 

“You’re always here before me in the morning. Normally a few weeks ago, you’d still be early, but now you seem really early. Which-- I mean, that isn’t a bad thing, ‘cause you’re a really hard worker and I’d rather have you be early than late,” Kara said, rambling as she tried to work the whole thing out. “But also, you always leave after me and we used to leave at the same time. Maybe you’re now, I don’t know, I’m probably over-analyzing everything but… if you are, you can tell me, I won’t be mad or anything.” 

“I uh… I kind of am,” Lena said. She knew there was no use in lying. Kara already had everything all figured out, it would be utterly pointless to try to continue hiding her predicament. “Not in the office, but in my car.” 

“But why?” 

Lena shrugged and smiled sadly. “Because it’s safer than being parked on the street.” 

“No-- why are you sleeping in your car at all?”

“I couldn’t afford to stay at the motel. They kicked me out.”

“Oh.” Kara looked down at her shoes, unable to find the words to respond to that. After all, what could she say?  _ I’m sorry you’re pregnant and homeless but I’ll see you at work tomorrow _ . She couldn’t do nothing, Kara knew that, but still, she had absolutely no sense of direction. And the one thing she did want to say, she could assume it would be too much or  _ too Kara. _

“Can I come in?” She said instead. 

Lena nodded and unlocked the passenger door. Kara walked around the front of the car and took off her tool belt, dropping it on the ground before sitting down beside her. She stayed silent as Lena rolled her window back up and tried to find the right words so she wouldn’t freak her out or drive her away the way she did most people. This time, she needed to be especially careful. She could tell Lena wasn’t used to her kindness and she couldn’t overdo it when Lena was doing everything possible to keep it together. 

“You don’t have to say anything, you know,” Lena said. She looked over at her friend and leaned back in her seat, smiling sadly. “You’re so kind and you’ve already helped me so much, but this is my problem. I don’t want you to worry o- or feel bad about it.” 

“I do want to say something. I just don’t want it to be the wrong thing,” Kara said with a nervous chuckle. “But I do want to help. And not because I’m pitying you or whatever. I know you’re capable-- I’ve seen you in magazines and on the news so I know you can figure something out on your own. But we're friends now and friends help each other out.” 

Lena shook her head. “You can’t keep doing this for me. First my car, then the job. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to pay you back for all this. I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I need to figure this out on my own.” 

“I understand, but living in your car can’t be good for the baby.”

Kara knew that was a low blow, using Lena’s baby to get her to listen. But she was at a loss. She couldn’t let her stay like this. And she’d rather have Lena be safe and angry with her than living out of her car because she was too stubborn to accept help. 

“I’m not saying anything has to be permanent. But what if you stayed with me?” Kara offered. “Just until you have enough money to get an apartment. I don’t have a second bedroom, but the couch pulls out and I have extra bedding and pillows. You won’t owe me anything and you can stay for as long as it takes for you to get back on your feet again.” 

Lena folded her hands together and stared down at her lap. She couldn’t keep doing this, she could let Kara keep cleaning up her messes. 

“I’m looking for a second job,” she said, her voice low and shaky. “Something I can do on the weekends or part-time when I’m not working here. So I… I’m gonna figure it out.” 

She looked back up at Kara, hot tears filling her eyes and blurring her vision. “I’m doing everything I can…” Lena’s voice broke as the first tear fell. With a trembling hand, she wiped it away and drew in a deep breath, trying as hard as she could to keep herself together. “And I know I’m failing, but I swear, Kara, I am trying.” 

“I know,” Kara whispered. “I know you’re not looking for an easy way out, but you can’t do this all on your own. So please, just for now, let me help you.” 

A sob escaped her lips as Lena nodded, her entire body beginning to shake with relief and fear and everything else she’d been trying so hard to keep inside. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry, Kara, I just can’t.” She brought her hands up to her forehead and pushed her hair back, her heart pounding against her chest so fiercely it felt like it might burst. 

“Just until you can afford an apartment again,” Kara offered. “Just until then.” 

Lena nodded, unable to do anything else as she tried to wipe away her tears. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’m so sorry.”

“Come here,” Kara said softly. She leaned over and pulled Lena into a hug, holding her tightly as Lena cried into her shirt. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” Kara said, calmly stroking her hair. “You don’t have to be sorry, Lena, I’m here for you.” 

Lena nodded once more, hugging Kara back and doing her best to try and believe her words.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” Kara said, offering a comforting smile. “You’re not doing this alone anymore, We’re friends now, remember?” 

_ Friends. _ Right. That was going to take some getting used to. All of it was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys have any thoughts or questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments! i love hearing your feedback <3 <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little break from the angst :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is very short and kinda just filler, I just wanted to let them be happy for a minute

Kara hung Lena’s ultrasound pictures on the fridge. It was the first thing she did after putting fresh bedding on the pull out couch in the living room. 

_ “So you don’t lose them.” _ Was her reasoning, even though they both knew Lena never would. 

Then she gave Lena space in her closet to hang up her clothes so she wouldn’t have to keep them in her car. Lena stayed silent as Kara gave her hangers and pushed aside her own clothes to make room for hers. She was so dumbfounded by the whole thing, she couldn’t find the ability to say a thing. After that, Kara went to pick up dinner from the diner, leaving Lena alone with Krypto while she was gone. 

Lena sat on the couch, her legs extended in front of her as she played with the envelope to keep herself busy. Krypto sat with his head in her lap, whining occasionally so she’d scratch him behind his ears or give him a belly rub. It served as a good distraction, at least momentarily. But more than anything, after everything that had happened, Lena needed good news. She needed something to take her mind off the inescapable reality she’d found herself in. And even though she didn’t really care about what the sex of her baby was, maybe once she knew she’d feel excitement for her future child rather than just guilt for the crappy hand life had dealt them. 

“What do you think? Should I do it?” Lena asked, looking down at her stomach and petting the top of Krypto’s head. 

She sighed and relaxed against the sofa, holding the envelope up to the ceiling light and squinting to try and see through the paper. She’d told herself she should commit to waiting until the baby was born to find out, so maybe if she accidentally read it, her lack of will power wouldn’t be to fault. 

“Hey, what are you doing?” 

Lena dropped the envelope and whipped her head around, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw Kara standing in the living room entryway with a bag of take out from the diner. Krypto immediately hopped off the couch and ran over to her, focusing intently on the bag in her hand. 

“I don’t know if I want to open the envelope or not,” Lena confessed, smiling nervously. “I’ve been trying to see through it so I can know without actually committing to anything.” 

“If you want to know that bad, you should just look,” Kara said. She made her way through the living room and into the kitchen, setting the bag down on the table. 

“I don’t know if I want to know,” Lena explained. “I mean, I was so sure I wanted to wait and be surprised when they’re born. I should follow through with that, right?” 

Kara shrugged. She opened one of the cupboards and pulled out two plates then set them down beside the bag. “Well, it’s your baby, so it really isn’t up to me.” 

“I know,” Lena said with a sigh, pulling open one of the cabinet drawers and grabbing some forks and knives. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be making you decide for me.” 

Kara brushed it off with a smile as she unpacked their dinner, a veggie burger, fries, and a chocolate milkshake for Lena, and pasta with another milkshake for herself.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind helping. But really, in the end, it’s up to you.” 

Lena nodded, heat still lingering in her cheeks as she and Kara sat down. Krypto sat at the foot of the table, his eyes darting between the two of them just in case someone dropped something.

“And I really do appreciate your help,” Lena said. “I honestly don’t know how I’ll be able to repay you.” 

Kara shook her head, dismissing it as if it were nothing. “You don’t have to do anything. Just take care of yourself and the baby, that’s all I want.”

* * *

Everything was going great at first. It was a Saturday morning which meant no work and lucky for Lena, Kara was not an early riser. This gave Lena an advantage, so naturally, she planned out everything to play out perfectly before Kara even woke out.

Lena started by setting her alarm for seven-- just in case by some miracle she wasn’t woken by her usual unbearable nausea and was up and out of bed within minutes. She washed up, changed, and made her bed before heading into the kitchen to get to work. Krypto followed at her heels, his claws scratching against the wood floors as Lena got out Kara’s pancake mix and a large bowl. 

At some point during the night-- probably when he chose to sleep with Lena instead of on his doggy bed, Krypto had declared himself her official protector, which Lena found absolutely adorable. She even gave him a few treats before starting on breakfast, letting out a big belly laugh at how he stood on his back legs to try and grab the biscuits out of her hands. 

The goal was to make a nice breakfast to surprise Kara. Lena would finish just as Kara was waking up, then she’d quickly set the table so everything was ready by the time she got downstairs. 

The plan, however, did  _ not _ include burning the first batch of pancakes or nearly spilling the batter everywhere.

“Fuck!” Lena whispered as she grabbed the bowl before it could topple over onto the floor. She couldn’t keep getting distracted or she’d mess the whole thing up. But by the time she was sure everything was in a safe place and wouldn’t fall again, the pancakes on the stove had turned brown and were beginning to smoke. 

“Seriously?” Lena muttered. She sighed and used a spatula to scrape them into the trash can. Then, as if things couldn’t possibly get any worse, her pregnancy hormones took over and filled her eyes with tears. 

“No, don’t cry, don’t cry,” Lena whispered to herself, pouring a fresh circle of batter onto the pan. She could hear steady footsteps coming down the stairs as she desperately tried to get herself to stop crying. But the more she thought about it the more stressed she got and the more her emotions got the better of her. She was supposed to be surprising Kara, not burdening her with her piles of useless feelings. Before she knew it though, Kara was standing beside her, asking if she was alright and being as kind as ever. 

“I’m fine, it’s just baby hormones,” Lena said with a pathetic laugh as Kara set a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I was trying to make you breakfast and I messed it up. But just give me ten more minutes and it’ll be ready.”

“Lena, you didn’t have to do that, I can make breakfast.” 

Lena nodded and wiped her eyes, begging herself to stop crying. She wasn’t sure how much more of it she could take. “I know, you’ve just done so much for me, and I wanted to thank you.”

“Oh, that’s really nice,” Kara said with a warm smile. “But you don’t have to give me anything in return. I just want you to be safe, okay?” 

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to,” Lena said. She took Kara’s hand and smiled back at her as she gave it a squeeze. If she tried hard enough, she could visualize herself back in her old lab, standing so tall and proud, holding herself in a way she’d always felt so confident. Lena cleared her throat and placed her hands on her hips, pressing her tongue to the roof of her mouth to get herself to stop crying. 

“So sit down, Kara, I’m making you breakfast.” 

“Yes ma’am.”

But just as Kara was about to turn around, Lena grabbed her hand. Her facade came crumbling down and all the color drained from her face as she felt a distant flutter in the pit of her stomach. A small gasp escaped her lips, tears filling her eyes once more. Lena brought her hand down to where she felt the movement, her jaw-dropping in shock when she felt it again. 

“Lena, what is it? Are you alright?” Kara asked, trying to figure out what was going on. Everything had been fine a minute ago, good even, how could it all change so quickly?

However, Lena nodded, smiling back at her and gently taking Kara’s hand so she could hold it against her lower abdomen. 

“Just wait…” Lena whispered. 

“Oh my God!” Kara exclaimed as soon as she felt it. “What was that?” 

“She’s kicking,” Lena said, smiling tearfully. 

“It’s amazing,” Kara breathed. “You can feel her little foot and-- wait--  _ she?” _

Lena nodded. “Yeah, I couldn’t help myself, I looked last night. It’s a girl.”

At this point, she was crying all over again. She just couldn’t help herself, her baby, her baby  _ girl _ was kicking and Kara was right there, holding her hand and standing so close that she could just lean over and-- No. She couldn’t think like that. Kara was her friend, she was doing her a favor by opening her home to her and that was it. Friends helping friends. Nothing more. 

“She’s so strong,” Kara said. “She could be a little soccer player with those kicks.” 

She reached up and quickly wiped her eyes, blushing beet red when Lena noticed she’d been crying too. 

“I’m sorry, she’s not even my kid and I’m a mess,” Kara added with a chuckle. “This is just-- I don’t even know, but it’s really cool. And I’m so happy for you, Lena. You’re having a little girl!” 

“It is really cool.” Lena beamed back at her, giving Kara’s hand a squeeze. She was so caught up in all of it, she could just get lost in the thought and forget about what was really going on. 

Kara’s other hand slowly drifted over Lena’s stomach. For a second, her shirt slipped up and Kara’s fingers grazed over Lena’s skin. Lena’s breath hitched as she quickly looked away, shutting down the thoughts that were beginning to grow like weeds inside her, beautiful from a distance but dangerous and conniving. She couldn’t let herself fall into their traps, it would hurt everyone involved. She had to be careful, for herself and for her baby.

* * *

“Hey, Alex… so I kind of have news.” 

“I don’t like that sound in your voice.”

“What sound?” 

“I don’t know, it’s just a sound. Is the news bad?” 

Kara bit her lip. She sat at the kitchen table with her legs folded, Lena’s ultrasound photos hung on the fridge staring straight through her. 

“So, you know how we were gonna tour that farmhouse tomorrow?” 

“The one that you’ve been looking forward to seeing for months and made a Pinterest board for? Yes, I’m aware.” 

“I uh, I think we should cancel,” Kara said, tightening her grip on her phone as she waited for Alex’s response. 

“Why? We’ve had this visit planned for weeks, did something happen?” 

Kara hesitated. Technically something did happen, well someone. But it wasn’t a bad thing, at least it didn’t feel like a bad thing. She liked having Lena with her, she liked not being alone all the time. She liked laughing with her over breakfast and sitting on the couch with her while she watched whatever movie was on tv as Lena read silently to herself. It was different, but it wasn’t bad at all. 

“So remember Lena from game night?” Kara began. “Well, she’s kind of in a tough spot right now so I let her move in temporarily.” 

“Oh.” Was all Alex said. “I don’t see what that has to do with the house though.” 

“It just… I don’t know, I feel like I shouldn’t.” 

“Do you at least want to reschedule? It took you so long to get this appointment, I’d just hate to see you throw it away.” 

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it,” Kara said. 

“Alright, let me know when you do,” Alex replied. “And Kara, you know I’m always gonna support you, but you’re trying to buy a house. Just… don’t let her get in the way of everything you’ve been working for.”

“She’s not getting in the way of anything. I’m not rearranging my life for her, I'm just-- I’m helping out a friend,” Kara said. “We’ll still see the house, just another day. I’ll call the realtor now.” 

“Okay, I love you.”

“I love you too, Alex.” 

With that, Alex hung up and turned to Maggie, who was sitting on the sofa beside her. She draped her arm over Maggie’s shoulder, letting out a sigh when her girlfriend raised a suspicious eyebrow. 

“My little sister has a crush,” she said with a chuckle. “And she has absolutely no idea.”

“On who, Lena?” Maggie asked. 

“Yup, Lena.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik this was kinda messy but the next chapters will be better. if you have any questions or thoughts, feel free to leave them in the comments, I love hearing from you guys <3 <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a short fluffy chapter. lena's morning sickness is bad so kara waits on her hand and foot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i did a chapter similar to this but I'm such a whore for sick lena and chivalrous kara oKAY

Lena woke up to Krypto's wet nose pressed against her cheek. She groaned and coughed as she accidentally took a big inhale of his breath, quickly rolling over so she could gently push the dog off of her. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked as she rubbed her eyes and sat up, Kryptos loud whines pulling her out of her exhaustion. He instantly jumped off the pulled out couch and ran over to the stairs in the hall, barking loudly and pointing his nose to the top. 

“I’m coming,” Lena mumbled. She stood up, stopping for a second to rub her stomach, at the still new, but now familiar feeling of the flutter beneath her hand before she made her way across the floor.

Krypto charged up the steps towards Kara’s room, running so fast Lena had to jog to keep up with him. He stopped in front of her door, beginning to bark and practically jump up and down once more. 

“Okay, I’m going in,” Lena whispered to calm him down. She slowly opened the door and stepped inside, shutting it softly behind her. 

Through the darkness, she could make out Kara lying in the middle of her bed. She was tangled in the blankets, breathing heavily and muttering _no_ under her breath. 

“Kara?” Lena asked, cautiously making her way over to her. She sat down on the edge of Kara’s bed and reached out, holding a hand above her and biting her lip. “Kara, hey…”

She set her hand down on Kara’s shoulder and gently began to lightly shake her as she squirmed, her _nos_ getting louder and more strained. 

“Kara, love, wake up, it’s just a dream.”

Kara began to fight even harder, a broken cry escaping her lips as she pushed away Lena’s hand. 

“Kara, hey, you’re dreaming,” Lena said, louder this time. “Come on, it’s just a dream, you’re okay.” 

Kara became still and her eyes shot open, she threw a hand over her heart, letting out a long, uneven breath. “Lena? Oh my God, Lena…” 

“I’m right here, I’ve got you,” Lena said, brushing back the hair that had fallen over Kara’s eyes and tucking them behind her ear. “You were having a nightmare, but I’m here.”

Kara nodded. She sat up and looked down at her lap, tears burning in her eyes as she saw Lena’s hand next to hers. It had all felt so real like she’d been back there all over again. Only this time, somehow, it was worse. She had more to lose now, more people she’d allowed herself to get close to. And they’d all been taken away, just like they were when she was twelve. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lena asked, seeing the distress in Kara’s face. 

Kara shook her head. “I- I’m fine,” she said, her voice breaking. 

“It’s okay if you’re not,” Lena said softly and took Kara’s hand in her own. “We don’t have to talk, but I have nightmares too. I know how scary it can be.”

“You do?” Kara asked. She looked up and met Lena’s eyes, unable to stop the tears that began to spill over. 

Lena nodded. “Yeah, I do. So trust me, I get it. I won’t judge you for having them or anything like that.”

“It just… it felt so real,” Kara cried. She sniffed and averted her gaze so she was staring down at her trembling hands. “I know it wasn’t but it really felt like I was there. And you… you and the baby… you were with everyone else and you…” 

She couldn’t bring herself to say the rest out loud, it was too painful. She could still see it so clearly. The image of Lena being back with her and her parents, trapped in that terrible place as it fell to the ground, it was all fresh in her mind. Kara could practically feel herself standing in the freezing cold as a blanket was draped over her shoulders and she watched it all come crumbling down. It was so close to what actually happened that night. The cold air still lingered in her bones, after all these years, Kara had accepted it would just always be a part of her. 

“The baby and I are just fine,” Lena reassured her. “Look, she’s even kicking.”

She smiled softly and took Kara’s hand, lifting her shirt so Kara would feel her skin as the baby bumped against her palm. 

“You’re okay,” Kara whispered, holding one hand on Lena’s stomach and the other holding onto Lena.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Lena smiled and squeezed Kara’s hand, running the pad of her thumb over Kara’s knuckles in a smooth, repetitive motion.

“I just… I know it was a dream but I- I thought I lost you and I…” Kara’s voice trailed off, the words sitting heavy in her mouth. She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t say it out loud. “I was just so scared that you were gone with everyone else.” 

“Kara, I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Lena said. She snaked her arm around Kara’s waist, waiting to see if she was okay with it before pulling her close. “We’re friends, so, I’m here, always.” 

“Then can you… can you stay tonight?” Kara asked, her eyes wide and glassy as she looked up at Lena. But the second she realized what she’d said, she quickly began to backtrack. She shouldn’t have put Lena in that position. She shouldn’t have unloaded everything, it wasn’t fair. She should’ve just kept inside the way she normally did, the way she’d gotten so good at doing. “I’m sorry-- you don’t have to, I don’t know why I said that.” 

“I can,” Lena said, completely unphased. 

“You’re sure?” 

Lena nodded. She pulled back the covers and laid down, propping herself up on her elbows. “Of course, like I said, I’m here for you. That’s what friends are for, right?” 

_Right, friends,_ how could she forget. 

Kara managed a small smile as she wiped her eyes and released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. She allowed herself to lay beside Lena and remind herself that she was safe. For the most part, it had just been a dream. Even though it had all been real at one point, it was over now. Part of that reality was unendurable at times, but still, Kara knew it was done with. Even if that wasn’t good for anything, she could tell herself that it was. Because whether she liked it or not, it happened, and she survived. And now she was lying in bed with Lena, who’d probably never had a real friend before, but was so determined to show Kara a kindness she’d never known. It was strange how it worked out, but this, Kara wouldn’t change.

She sighed and pulled the blanket up to her chest, turning over onto her side and closing her eyes once more. She felt Lena drape her limp arm over her side and spoon her from behind. 

“G’night, Kara,” she mumbled through a yawn, lazily squirming up against Kara to get comfortable. 

“Goodnight, Lena,” Kara said. She took Lena’s hand and held it against her heart as she closed her eyes, reminding herself once more before she fell asleep that she was okay, and so was Lena.

* * *

Kara slowly sat up, stretching out her arms as she soaked up the sunlight pouring in through the window. She let out a yawn as she popped her back, feeling her weariness begin to gradually lift off her chest. 

“Morning, Lena,” she said through a yawn, smiling as she looked down at the spot beside her. “Hm?”

The blankets were pulled back and Lena’s pillow had been discarded on the floor. The sheets were still warm though, Kara quickly realized. She couldn’t have gotten up that long ago. Without a second thought, Kara slipped her legs over the side of the bed, scratching her head as she stood up and made her way into the hall. Almost instantly, she was met with the sound of muffled coughing coming from the bathroom followed by the toilet flushing. 

Kara bit her lip and knocked on the door, shifting her weight between her heels. “Hey, Lena, are you okay in there?” 

“I’m fine,” Lena responded. Her voice was hoarse and shaky as if there were something caught in her throat.

“Do you need anything?” Kara asked. “Some water or… something.”

There was a moment of silence before Lena responded. Even though Kara couldn’t see her, she covered her face with her hand, her cheeks filling with heat and humiliation as she spoke. It was so pathetic, the whole thing just made her want to crawl up under a rock and hide away forever. 

“Can you… I’m so sorry, but can you get me a new shirt? I… I kinda threw up and…” 

“Yeah, of course, I’ll be right back,” Kara said before quickly walking back to her room. She opened her top drawer and pulled out the _Midvale Community College_ sweatshirt she’d given Lena last time she was sick. She remembered Lena had commented on how soft it was and hidden her hands in the sleeves to make little sweater paws. 

“I’m leaving it outside the door,” Kara said once she was back in the hall and set the sweatshirt down on the floor. “I’m gonna get you something to drink too, so do you need anything else?” 

“Uh… no, I think I’m good,” Lena replied after a moment of contemplation. “Thank you, Kara.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Kara said, smiling softly. She then walked downstairs to the kitchen, taking the home phone off the counter and immediately dialing Eliza’s number. She held her breath and rocked back and forth as she waited, breathing a sigh of relief when Eliza answered. 

“Hey, honey, what’s up?” 

“Hey, Eliza. So… I know this is kind of weird, but I was wondering if you knew of any home remedies for morning sickness,” Kara asked, rubbing the back of her neck as she waited for a response. 

“Kara-- are you pregnant?” 

“What-- no! Not for me! I have a roommate now, _she’s_ pregnant not me,” Kara clarified. “And her morning sickness is really bad, so I was wondering if maybe there was anything that helped when you were pregnant with Alex.” 

“Well, I remember I used to have a lot of ginger-- ginger tea, mostly, but sometimes soda. That normally seemed to help,” Eliza began, hesitating as she thought back to when she’d been expecting Alex. “Meals were also pretty hard, so I drank a lot of smoothies. She might like those if she’s having trouble eating.”

“Yeah, she skips dinner a lot so maybe that’ll help,” Kara said, giving a small smile. She made a mental note to remember to grab ginger tea next time she went shopping and grabbed a glass from one of the cabinets before filling it up with tap water for Lena. 

“Oh, and if you can, try not to eat stuff with a smell around her. It’ll most likely make her feel sick.” 

Kara nodded, adding another mental reminder to her list. 

“That’s all I can think of off the top of my head, but if she needs any more help or just has questions, give her my number and I’d be happy to talk to her,” Eliza offered. 

“I will, I’m sure she’ll appreciate it,” Kara said with a grin. “I gotta go, I should probably check on her, but thank you, that really helps.”

“Of course! Let me know if you need anything else,” Eliza said. Kara could practically hear her smiling through the phone. 

“I will, I love you.” 

“I love you too, Kara.” 

With that, Kara hung up the phone and set it back on the counter. She took Lena’s water and made her way back upstairs, knocking on the bathroom door before opening it and offering the glass to Lena. 

Lena shook her head, physically recoiling at the thought of having to drink something. Kara set it on the sink without a word and sat down on the floor beside Lena, who was curled up in a ball, using her arms as a pillow and resting her head against the side of the tub. She’d put on Kara’s hoodie, her old, dirty shirt discarded in the bath. 

“Hey, how do you feel?” Kara asked, keeping her voice low in case her head was hurting. 

“I’ll be fine,” Lena mumbled. “I shouldn’t be hogging your bathroom, I’ll get up in a minute.” 

Kara shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I was gonna say you might be more comfortable downstairs or in my room, but you can stay here.” 

“I don’t know…” 

Lena groaned as she moved one of her arms, wrapping it around herself so she could hold her churning stomach. 

“I was gonna make breakfast in a minute,” Kara said. She leaned forward, gently stroking Lena’s face and pushing back her hair with her thumb. “My foster mom said smoothies are supposed to be good when you can’t handle solid food, so I can make one if you’d like.” 

“Thank you, Kara,” Lena said, managing a small smile. “But you don’t have to do that, I don’t want to be a bother.” 

Kara shook her head. “You’re not. It’s just a smoothie, it’ll take two minutes to make.”

“Maybe in a little bit then,” Lena decided after a moment of contemplation. “I don’t think I can keep anything down right now.” 

Kara nodded, still cupping Lena’s cheek in her hand. “That’s okay. Do you think you’re gonna stay in here for now?” 

“I don’t know… I think… maybe I’d rather be downstairs, but everything hurts. I don’t want to move,” Lena said, smiling sadly. Her face was shaded paler than usual, beads of sweat had formed at her hairline and there were bruise-like bags hanging beneath her eyes. Kara knew the sickness was normal, but still, it broke her heart to see Lena in so much pain. More than anything, she just wished she could do something to take it all away.

“I could carry you,” she suggested, which made Lena laugh. “What? I carry around tires every day, I’m strong!” 

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say my baby and I weigh a _little_ more than a tire.” 

Lena was going to continue to protest, but before she could get another word out, she felt two strong arms slip beneath her. 

“Kara!” She exclaimed with a laugh. “What are you doing?” 

“Proving you wrong,” Kara said. As she stood up, she lifted Lena with her, picking her up off the ground in a bridal style carry. Lena wrapped one arm around herself, still holding on to her aching stomach as she laid her head on Kara’s shoulder. She draped her other arm around Kara’s neck, smiling as she held onto her. 

“See, you’re not that heavy,” Kara said as she carried her out of the bathroom and into the hall. 

“You’re insane,” Lena said, chuckling once more. 

“Okay, we’re gonna go down the stairs now,” Kara said, ignoring Lena’s teasing. 

“Mhmm.” Lena hid her face in Kara’s neck and curled her fingers around the fabric of her shirt. “I’ll do my best not to throw up on you.” 

“Yeah, that would be nice.” 

Luckily, they made it down the stairs without any hiccups, Lena clung to Kara for dear life-- not stopping until Kara set her back down on the pulled out couch. She propped up a pillow and set it behind Lena’s back then pulled the covers back over her legs as she set her down, smiling as she pulled away. 

“Thank you,” Lena said, allowing herself to relax against the sofa. “That was very chivalrous.” 

“Well, that’s what I do.” Kara slipped her hands into her pockets and grinned as she shrugged it off. She couldn’t help herself but get flustered at those words, especially paired with the way Lena gazed at her, quirking an eyebrow and smiling as she took in Kara’s features. 

“And… since you are being so gentlemanly…” Lena stopped herself, looking down at her hands as she began to fiddle with her fingers. “Do you think… can you stay with me for a minute?” 

“Of course,” Kara said, nodding without another thought. She sat down on the bed beside Lena, smiling as she got under the covers with her. 

“I’m sorry, normally I’m not this…” Lena paused, searching for the right word. _Clingy_ certainly worked. 

It was just that, she’d never had this before. Growing up when she was sick, there were never soft, gentle touches, or freshly washed hoodies. No smoothies or kind offerings. And sure, Lena didn’t need those things. She’d manage without them, she always did. But there was something about Kara’s kindness, something about _Kara_ that made her crave more. And now, now that she was physically at her weakest, the energy and fight it normally took to keep her walls up just wasn’t there. 

“It’s okay, you’re sick, you get a pass,” Kara said, shrugging it off as if it were nothing. 

“I guess…” Lena agreed. She was too tired to argue, so she let Kara be right, knowing it would be easier for everyone this way. 

She inched over to the side, filling the gap between her and Kara and covering her mouth as she yawned. She allowed her head to drop to Kara’s shoulder and her body to curl up around her. Kara just smiled as she pulled Lena close and wrapped her arms around her, leaning back against the sofa so Lena could lay against her chest. 

Kara pressed a kiss to her hair and took Lena’s hand in hers, rubbing soothing circles with her index finger against Lena’s palm. 

“Feeling any better now that you’re out of the bathroom?” She asked. 

“My stomach still hurts,” Lena mumbled, burrowing her face in the crook of Kara’s neck. 

Kara nodded. She felt Lena release a steady breath against her, then a light sigh of relief. 

“But it’s not… this is gonna sound so dumb, but normally when I’m sick, people aren’t nice about it. But you are and I… I still feel like shit but it-- it’s better.”

“No, that’s not dumb at all.” Kara laid her cheek against the top of Lena’s head, absentmindedly stroking her dark hair. “You should always have someone helping when you’re sick, I’m sorry people haven’t been there for you in the past.” 

“It’s okay,” Lena said with a sniffle. 

“I’m here now though, I’ll take care of you.” She wiped her thumb under Lena’s eye, brushing away the tear that escaped her. 

Lena nodded, pursing her lips together to hold back her cries. _Fucking hormones._

“You’re so good, Kara,” she whispered and squeezed Kara’s hand. 

“So are you, Lena.”

* * *

“Here, try this.”

“What is it?”

“Just try it.” 

“Are you gonna poison me?” 

“No! It’s ginger tea!” Kara exclaimed, holding out the mug for Lena. “My foster mom says it’s supposed to help with nausea. 

“Oh.” Lena smiled and accepted the mug. It was warm to the touch and sent shivers down her spine.

She couldn’t bring herself to understand why Kara would do this for her, why she’d spend her Sunday looking after her and making her tea so she’d feel better. It went against everything she’d ever known. Luthor’s were supposed to be strong, they didn’t need anyone or anything to help them. Accepting help was a sign of weakness, a sign that Lena wasn’t self-sufficient enough to muddle through her morning sickness so she wouldn’t be inconveniencing the only person who seemed to give a shit about her. 

“Kara, you don’t have to do this, you know,” she said, tightly holding the mug. 

“I know, but I want to.” 

“Why though?” Lena asked, unable to comprehend any of it. “I- I know you say it’s because we’re friends, but-- but why?” 

“Well, yeah, because we’re friends,” Kara said, taking a seat on the edge of Lena’s bed. “But also, because you’ve been through a lot. And you don’t talk about it, but what happened with Lex was only about a month ago. So with everything you’re dealing with, you deserve to have someone in your corner.” 

Lena averted her gaze as she did her best to focus on swirling her tea bag in the liquid. 

“But even if you weren’t going through all that, I’d still be here. Because that’s what friends are for.” 

Lena chewed her bottom lip, her cheeks filling with heat as she looked back up at Kara. 

“I’ve honestly never had friends like you before. Come to think of it, I’ve never had family like you before,” she said with a chuckle. 

“Well, you’ve got me now,” Kara said, smiling with that big sunshiney grin Lena had grown to love so much. “And I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I’m glad,” Lena said, smiling back at her. “I like having you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm literally supposed to be in online class rn but I'm doing this instead lmafo so I hope the chapter was worth it


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> literally just seven pages of fluff bc I'm so soft for fall themed supercorp

“Hey! I come bearing donuts,” Alex said, laughing as she made her way over to Kara,, who was covered in grease and laying on a trolley beneath a car she’d almost completely taken apart. 

“Save the chocolate ones for me,” Kara said, poking her head out from under the vehicle. 

“This is a first come first serve system, I can’t make any promises.” Alex retorted and tauntingly held the bag over Kara’s head until Kara gave in (though, it wasn’t much of a fight, she didn’t even last a second) and got up from under the car, wiped her hands on the back of her overalls, and held her hands out for a donut. 

“Clean up first.” 

“Fine,” Kara said with a groan, reluctantly walking over to the bathroom to wash her hands. 

“So, what was it you wanted to talk about?” Alex asked once she was back. 

They sat down at a little table towards the back of the garage, the box of a dozen donuts open between them. 

“Well… it’s now been almost a month since Lena first moved in with me,” Kara began, picking off a piece of the pastry and twirling it between her fingers. “And I know it’s not like an anniversary, but I want to do something nice for her. Like a surprise.” 

Alex raised an eyebrow. “What kind of surprise?” 

Kara shrugged. “I dunno. I was thinking of taking her to the Fall Festival next weekend and then after that I could give her a gift or something. I always see her looking at the books in the living room and I realized she doesn’t have any of her own, so she might like that.” 

Alex nodded, silently listening as her sister continued to ramble. It was almost painfully obvious how smitten Kara was. But Alex knew pointing it out at this instant wouldn’t do anyone any good. Kara would get flustered, turn bright red, and practically have an aneurysm trying to explain how her and Lena were  _ totally _ just platonic gal pals. If anything, it would probably make her repress her feelings even more and that wouldn’t do anyone any good. So for now, as hard as it was, Alex would do her very best to hold her tongue.

“I feel like Lena would really love those long classic novels that don’t make any sense unless you’re a literary genius,” Kara continued, her absent minded smile never fading for even a second as she spoke. “So I’ll probably ask Eliza if she has any recommendations and check out the bookstore today or tomorrow.” 

“I think that’s a good idea,” Alex said and smiled back at her. “The only thing is, from what I’ve seen of her and what you’ve said, having some big gesture for one month might scare her off. So just… try not to go all Kara on her.” 

“What does that even mean?” Kara asked. “And it’s not a big gesture, it’s just a festival and a book-- and we would’ve gone to the festivale anyways, or at least, I would have.” 

“It’s not a bad thing,” Alex corrected. “Going all Kara… it just means sometimes you go overboard, and again, there isn’t anything wrong with that. You just… I don’t know, you have the tendency to do too much.” 

Kara was about to shoot back at Alex and insist that wasn’t true, but just as she was about to argue, the door to the office opened and Lena stepped into the garage.

“Hey, Kara, the high school kid you were gonna train tonight had to cancel, says he has mono,” she said. 

“Oh… okay. I guess… tell him I hope he feels better.” 

Lena nodded. “You won’t have to say late now,” she said with a smile. 

Kara grinned. Something about Lena just had that effect on her-- she could always seem to brighten her mood in only a matter of seconds. “Yeah.”

“Alright, well I’ll be back here if you need anything.” 

“Wait-- Lena,” Kara called out before she could go anywhere. Lena turned on her heel, brushing her hair out of her face and holding her breath in anticipation. “Alex brought donuts, do you want one?” 

“Uh… okay,” Lena said after a moment of hesitation. She shut her door and made her way over to Kara, who opened up another folding chair so she could sit. 

“You should have the chocolate, they’re really good,” Kara said, gesturing to the one in the middle with a napkin. 

“What?” Alex exclaimed. “You said I’m not allowed to eat that one!” 

Kara made a face and kicked her in the shin. 

“Lena, you know, Kara wants to take you to the fall festival,” Alex said, shooting her sister a glare. 

“What’s a fall festival?” 

“It’s this thing we have every year in the town square,” Kara said, casually reaching for another donut as she flipped Alex off under the table. “There’s live music and always a bunch of different booths with food and games. Also pumpkin carving and apple picking, it’s really fun!” 

“And there’s a hayride around the town, but the only people who ride it are little kids, groups of high schoolers getting stoned together, and Kara,” Alex added. 

Lena chuckled and lightly poked Kara’s arm. “I’d go on the hayride with you,” she whispered, a subtle smirk gracing her lips. 

Kara’s heart quite literally skipped a beat at those words. Maybe it was excitement, or maybe it was the slight rasp to Lena’s voice when she spoke so low like that, either way, she couldn’t contain her happiness. 

“Really?” She asked. “You don’t have to come at all if you don’t want to but--” 

“I want to,” Lena interjected. “I won’t be like… overstepping on any family traditions though, right?” 

Alex shook her head. “Nope, everyone goes. It’s a crucial part of the Midvale experience. After this, you’ll be an official Midvale-ian.”

Kara nodded in agreement. “Yeah, my foster mom will be there too and everyone from game night, it’ll be great.” 

Lena bit her lip. Kara’s foster mom would be there, she’d certainly have… well, opinions. 

“Yeah… it sounds really fun,” she said, her smile just a little more forced this time. It was too late to back out now, the best she could do was figure out a way to impress Kara’s foster mom and not make a horrible first impression as she did with most people. And she did want to go, she did want to have a good time with her friends-- or well, Kara, and her friends. It was just the whole family thing, it was something she’d never been good at, and she knew that probably wasn’t going to change now.

* * *

Lena ran her fingers through her hair, letting it’s natural loose curls fall by her shoulders. Normally, she would’ve worn it up. Knowing she was probably going to be meeting Kara’s foster mom, she knew she needed to appear respectable. In any other instance, she would’ve done a tight ponytail or bun. She’d been told it made her look much more put together. But Kara had made a comment the other day about how nice her hair looked when she wore it down, so she allowed herself to loosen her rules (and her hair), just this once. 

Lena turned from side to side, watching herself in the mirror as she slipped on a light orange corduroy jacket over her shirt, taking one last look at her stomach before letting the fabric sit at her side. It went without saying that she had grown in the past few weeks. Now, even with the jacket, her bump was noticeable. And it wasn’t just a  _ bloated from too much dairy _ looking bump. No, it was a real  _ there’s a whole entire baby in here _ bump. One big enough that customers at Kara’s auto shop were already approaching her, asking if they could feel it (though, all that ever got them was a lecture from Kara about how they weren’t entitled to Lena’s body and they needed to leave her alone). 

Lena couldn’t help but wonder what Kara’s foster mom would think of that. Kara certainly wouldn’t defend her if her family had an issue with her, right? Sure, she always stood up to her when people crossed her boundaries at work, but that was different, those people were strangers. And at the end of the day, Lena was an unwed, penniless, mother-to-be living with Kara, probably corrupting her and filling her head with lies, there was no reason for anyone to take her side. 

“Hey, Lena, you ready to go?” Kara asked, popping her head through the doorway. She looked so excited, she was practically bouncing on her toes with anticipation. 

Lena nodded, the sound of Kara’s voice pulling her out of her head. “Yeah, I’m ready.” 

Kara grinned and stepped aside, looking Lena up and down, smiling at what she saw. “You look great.” 

“Thanks, so do you.” 

“Are you excited for the hayride?” 

Lena chuckled and nodded, the sound of Kara’s enthusiasm. Somehow, it was enough to keep her nerves at bay, even if just for the moment. “Very,” she said, looking over at her with a smile. 

“Good, I am too.”

* * *

They arrived at the festival a little after five. As Kara had said, there were booths set up everywhere with games like ring toss where they could win stuffed animals, tables where they could paint and carve pumpkins, and multiple food and pastry stands set up and scattered across the area. A band was set up and playing outside the gazebo, which sat in the middle of the square, attracting a well-sized crowd to stand around and watch. 

As soon as they were in the middle of it all, Kara instinctively grabbed Lena’s hand to walk her through everything, pointing out each and every single thing they needed to do together and in what order they had to do it. 

“...and we have to make jack-o-lanterns. Or we can paint pumpkins, whatever floats your boat is good with me. It’s just like- super important that we do something with a pumpkin.” 

“What’s over there?” Lena asked, letting go of Kara’s hand for a second to point at a folding table crowded by groups of families all eagerly buzzing around the small set up. 

“That’s actually Eliza’s stand,” Kara said with a grin. “She always sets up a table to sell pies and cookies at these things. She always said if she hadn’t been a doctor she would’ve opened a bakery here.” 

“Oh.”

“Come on, we should go say hi!” Kara suggested, her smile so wide and hopeful Lena couldn’t say no. “And her pastries are the best. I swear, they’re actually addicting.” 

“Alright,” Lena said, laughing to hide her anxiety. Kara took a hold of her hand once more, beaming back at her before leading her over across the grass. 

Once they got close enough, while handing a young girl a bag of cookies, Eliza glanced in their direction, instantly smiling when she saw Kara waving at her. She gestured for them to come over to her and Kara guided Lena through the crowd so they could get behind the table with her. 

“Kara, I didn’t know you were gonna be here,” Eliza said as she embraced her in a hug. 

“I’d never miss this,” Kara said with a laugh. 

“I know, but you should’ve told me, I would’ve made extras for you to take home,” Eliza said, her eyes wandering to Lena when she pulled away. “Is this your roommate? Lena?” 

Lena nodded, holding out her hand for Eliza to shake. 

“It’s so great to finally meet you, Kara’s told me all about you,” Eliza said. She took Lena’s hand in hers, firmly yet gently grasping as she held it. 

“Thank you,” was all Lena could bring herself to say. Normally she was terrible at first impressions, Lillian always said she just had this unlikeable quality that put everyone off. But Eliza was smiling and wasn’t looking her up and down in that judgemental way her mother always had, so maybe she didn’t secretly hate her. 

_ There really is a first time for everything, I guess. _

“Is she taking good care of you?” 

Lena nodded once more. “The best.” 

“Hey, do you think we could maybe possibly get some pies?” Kara asked with a cheeky grin. She slipped her hands into her back pockets and rocked back and forth on her heels, adorably batting her eyelashes. 

Eliza laughed and rolled her eyes, but reluctantly agreed, gesturing to her display with a joking sigh. “Yes, just try not to clear me out like last time though. I do have actual paying customers.” 

“I won’t!” 

“And let Lena pick something out too,” she added before turning back to the line of people. 

“So, what do you think?” Kara whispered to Lena, quickly picking up on her pent up nerves. 

“She’s nice.” 

“Once you really get to know her, it’ll be less scary,” Kara reassured her, keeping her voice low and soft so no one else would overhear. “And she does care about you, so I promise, she likes you.” 

“You’re sure?” 

Kara nodded. “How could she not?” 

Lena chuckled, her entire body filling with heat. “Have I ever told you, you’re my favorite?” 

“You may have mentioned it before. Now come on, let’s get some pies!”

* * *

Not long after they picked out their treats from Eliza’s stand (a chocolate pecan pie for Kara, pumpkin for Lena, and a bag of chocolate chip cookies for the ‘baby’), they found an opening at the pumpkin carving and decorating table. 

“What are you making?” Lena asked, twirling her paintbrush between her fingers as she glanced over at Kara’s pumpkin. 

“A vampire.” Kara turned her pumpkin for Lena to see and smiled proudly at her work. “She still looks kinda orange though, so I’ll have to come up with an origin story to match. Maybe she’s half cryptid. What are you doing?” 

“Frankenstein.” 

“I like it,” Kara said. “But you’ve got a little something…” 

“What, where?” Lema looked back at her pumpkin and examined it, looking closely for any stray marks or spots of paint. “I don’t see any-- hey!” 

Kara couldn’t control her laughter at the sound of Lena’s squeal. She pulled away, making sure to keep the red paintbrush she’d tapped against Lena’s nose, far out of her friend's reach. 

“That was  _ so _ uncalled for!” Lena exclaimed. She quickly dipped her own brush in whatever color was closest and swiped it against Kara’s face, leaving a purple streak going down her cheek. 

“That was so much more than I did to you!” Kara said, making it even by wiping her brush on Lena’s forehead. 

“Oh no.” Lena's voice was low and hollow as she shook her head, smirking in a way that caused Kara’s heart to fall right through her stomach. She let out a maniacal laugh and drew a messy line going down Kara’s nose, giggling like a little kid as she painted her face. 

It only took a few minutes for both of them to become completely covered in paint. It was in Kara’s hair, dripping onto her flannel and jeans, it was in Lena’s ears and all over her face. Their unfinished pumpkins had been long forgotten as they laughed together, wiping paint off one another's messy faces while nibbling on the cookies they’d picked up at Eliza’s stand. 

“Hey, feel this,” Lena said, putting the remainder of her cookie back on its napkin. She took Kara’s hand and held it against her stomach. 

“I think baby girl has the hiccups,” she explained with a breathy laugh. 

“It feels so weird,” Kara said, chuckling as Lena’s abdomen pushed out against her hand. “Like… you’re actually growing another human inside of you.” 

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool, though.”

“It’s  _ very _ cool.” 

Kara pulled her hand away, leaving behind a red handprint on Lena’s white shirt. 

“Oh… oh my god, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…” 

Lena shook her head, brushing it off as if it were nothing. For reasons she couldn’t explain, she honestly liked the handprint. She liked that it was a reminder of Kara, that it was proof she’d been touched by someone who cared about her, unlike all those other times in the past.

It was strange. Lillian surely would’ve scolded her for getting her clothes dirty-- and in  _ public, _ she would never hear the end of it! But Lillian wasn’t here, she couldn’t tell her not to wear her hair down or yell at her for getting into a paint fight with her best friend (well, only friend). For once, Lena got to make her own rules. And she was not going to let anyone hold her back. 

“It’s alright.” She smiled reassuringly, thankful that it was now dark enough that Kara wouldn’t be able to see her cheeks turning beet red. “I got paint all over you too.” 

“That is true,” Kara said, grinning back over at her. But just like Lena, she didn’t mind the mess one bit. 

“Look.” Lena took her own paint-covered hand and pressed it to the spot next to Kara’s. “And when baby gets here, she can have her own.”

* * *

“Okay,  _ Halloween Town _ is a classic, but you seem like more of a  _ Nightmare Before Christmas _ kinda gal,” Kara said. She handed Lena a mug of hot apple cider and sat down on the couch (which had been pulled out ever since Lena moved in) beside her. 

“Well… I’ve never actually seen either, so I’m fine with whatever you want to watch,” Lena confessed, taking a sip of her cider. 

“What? How have you never seen  _ Halloween Town _ ?” 

Lena shrugged. “I was never really allowed to watch movies that weren’t documentaries. And even those were a privilege.” She stopped herself before she could say anymore. It was humiliating to admit out loud. Everything about her upbringing ostracized her, it always had. But today, she’d felt so normal, as if for once she finally fit in. As if she was finally the one in charge of herself and her life. But of course, the moments never lasted, they never did. No matter what she did to try and fit in with everyone else, Lena would always be weird for missing out on these things. And people would  _ always _ get annoyed at her for being so far socially set back. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I probably should’ve guessed you might not have,” Kara said. 

Lena looked down at her lap, intertwining her fingers around her mug and pressing her knuckles down one my one. 

“No, it’s not your fault. You should choose the movie, I’m not great with this stuff,” she said, laughing sadly to ease the tension between them. 

“Then we should watch  _ Halloween Town _ ,” Kara decided. She rested her arm on the back of the sofa so if Lena leaned into her, it would drape around her shoulder. “It’s iconic and for your first Halloween movie, it’s much more fun and relaxed.” 

“Okay.” Lena’s voice wavered as she spoke. Kara didn’t seem put off by it at all, she didn’t even seem to care. 

“But we  _ will _ need to go through all the others together,” Kara said. “It’s crucial to a good fall. I’m gonna give you a movie-cation.” 

“A movie-cation?” Lena quirked an eyebrow. 

Kara nodded. “Yup. We’re gonna watch all the best movies so that one day, you’ll be the one wanting to pick, not me.” 

Lena grinned, allowing herself to move closer to Kara so they were only mere inches apart. “I’d like that.” 

“I’m glad,” Kara said, wrapping her arm around Lena and pulling her close. Lena instantly relaxed against her, smiling as she laid her head on Kara’s shoulder. She wasn’t sure if she’d like the movies, or even just watching the tv for that long, but she’d do it for Kara. Just because she knew it would make her happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this chapter took so long to get up!! i started school so my writing schedule is super messed up, so I won't get to post on here as often as I normally do. I'm also thinking of making some changes to my posting that I can't talk about on here, but if you follow my tumblr, @godhatesoliviaa you might know what I'm talking about. but yeah, I hope you guys liked this, if you have any thoughts or questions, please leave them in the comments, I always love hearing from you!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is forced to deal with resurfaced memories of her parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: death/grief

“Ow!” 

Lena jolted awake as Kara’s elbow collided with her nose. She quickly pulled back and wrapped her arms around herself, the sharp sensation causing tears to spring to her eyes. 

“Kara,” she whimpered, her breath catching in her throat as she looked back down and saw Kara trashing beside her. Lena wiped her eyes and reached out a quivering hand, doing her best to collect her thoughts. 

Kara hit her-- no, she hadn’t tried to, she wouldn’t have. She was having a nightmare, she had to be. 

“Kara?” Lena whispered, slowly moving her hand down to Kara’s shoulder. It had to be a nightmare, it had to be out of her control. “Kara, hey, you’re just dreaming.” 

“No, _no._ ” Kara let out a strained cry and shoved Lena away, pushing her against the back of the sofa. 

“Kara, come on,” Lena said again, her voice louder this time but keeping its gentle tone. “Kara, wake up.” 

“No!” Kara cried, shooting up in bed so fast Lena jumped back with fright. 

She brought her hands up to her head, frantically looking around to remember where she was and panting heavily, letting out a broken sob when her eyes landed on Lena. She looked so startled and timid, wearing the same expression as that time when she’d turned on the television and footage of Lex’s trial had been playing. She’d dropped the remote and stood frozen with terror, she barely said two words the entire day after that. She’d been so scared Kara was going to kick her out, she hadn’t wanted to risk saying something that might’ve pushed her over the edge. 

It was the only time Kara had ever seen her like that, the only time she’d ever seen that kind of fear in her eyes. 

Kara shook her head and threw her hand over her mouth. “No… what did I do, what did I do?” 

“You didn’t do anything,” Lena said softly. “You were having a nightmare, that’s it.” 

Kara shook her head once more. She couldn’t believe it, if it had just been a nightmare, Lena wouldn’t be looking at her like this, she wouldn’t be so scared. “No I- I hurt you,” she cried, closing her eyes and allowing the sobs to wreak her body. “Dammit… what did I do?” 

“You just… it’s okay…” Lena chewed on her lip as she held her hand out, cautiously setting it on the small of Kara’s back. She tried to remind herself that Kara wasn’t like everyone else, that she didn’t want to hurt her. Kara was still safe, or at least, she still wanted her to be. Kara was just afraid, that had to be the only reason it happened. “You… I don’t think you meant it, but you just… you hit me… i- in the nose.”

“No!” Kara wept. She pulled her legs into her chest and hid her face between her knees, wrapping her arms around herself and clasping her hands together over her neck. 

“It’s okay, Kara,” Lena whispered, inching closer as she rubbed soothing circles on her back. “I’m not mad I… I know it wasn’t your fault.” 

“No, but you-- you’re scared of me,” Kara cried. “I’m sorry, Lena, I’m so sorry.” 

Lena shook her head, her eyes filling with tears at those words. “No, I’m just…” her voice trailed off as she looked down at her lap, swallowing the bubble rising to the top of her throat. She didn’t want to be scared, she trusted Kara. More than that, she wanted to trust her, she wanted to keep her in her life. She didn’t want to think this was intentional, and maybe deep down, she even knew it wasn’t.

But still, that feeling when Kara’s hand collided with Lena’s nose, it felt so familiar. It felt like Lillian and it felt like Lex. It was the furthest thing from who Kara really was, and Lena couldn’t help but fear it. 

“I… I know it wasn’t your fault,” Lena said as her tears began to fall. “So it-- it’ll be okay.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Kara cried once more. “I- I thought they were going away, I- I thought it was getting b- better.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lena offered. 

But Kara couldn’t bring herself to respond. The words were sitting right on the tip of her tongue, they were so close to escaping. And the weakness in her wanted nothing more than to let them. But she knew if she started talking, she’d never stop. She’d ramble on and on until Lena was too bothered to listen, she’d tell her she was too much. That was what everyone always said, that she was too much. She never stopped talking and she never knew when enough was enough. She was too invested, too emotional, too  _ everything. _

Lena may not have said anything yet, but she would eventually. And even if she didn’t, she’d think it. All of Kara’s friends did. Only most times, by the time Kara realized just how much was too much, it was already too late. 

“We don’t have to,” Lena said to break the silence between them. “But if- if you want too, I’ll always listen.” 

“I just…” It was spilling out all over the place before Kara could stop herself, it was as if she had no control over anything anymore. She didn’t want to say it, she didn’t want to push Lena away or overwhelm her with her long-winded words. None of that seemed to matter, though, it wasn’t up to her, it never was. 

“I keep having that dream and I-- every time it just gets worse.” 

“It’s the same one as last time?” 

“It’s always the same. But I- I never hit like that…” Kara said, looking up at Lena with tears covering her flushed out cheeks. 

“I know,” Lena said. “I know you didn’t mean it.” 

“It just felt so real, you know?”

Lena nodded. 

“I thought I-- I thought I was helping,” Kara explained and let out a broken sob. Part of her still felt like she was back there, like she was watching it unfold all over again while she did nothing but struggle and scream as they held her back. She hadn’t been strong enough then, her arms had been so scrawny and little, there was no way for her to run, no matter how hard she tried. Maybe if she’d been stronger, maybe if she’d tried harder, it could’ve all ended differently. 

“It’s okay,” Lena whispered, her shaky hand reaching up to wipe away Kara’s tears. 

“I- I had to get back in, I had to help,” Kara cried, the pain seeping through her voice and onto Lena, breaking her heart into pieces. 

“Get back in where?” 

“My house-- my old house w- with…” she shook her head and hid her face in her hands once more. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” Lena said softly, wrapping her arms around Kara and pulling her close as she trembled and cried against her. She could hear Kara’s uneven breaths, she could hear the struggle in her words, the struggle in every sentence that unwillingly slipped through her lips. 

“With my parents.”

“Oh,” was all Lena uttered. She couldn’t seem to bring herself to say anything else. 

“You were there--  _ everyone _ was there and I- I was outside and I couldn’t help,” Kara sobbed, burying her face in Lena’s shirt. “And the house was burning but they-- they wouldn’t let me back in, they wouldn’t let me do anything.” 

“But you’re okay now,” Lena said reassuringly. “It was just a dream, you’re alright.” 

Kara shook her head. “It wasn’t a dream, Lena. They died-- everyone died and it was all my fault.” 

“Oh, Kara… Kara, I’m so sorry,” Lena breathed, closing her eyes and resting her chin on Kara’s head. Her heart ached as she held her, letting Kara cry against her chest as she squeezed her hand; a physical reminder that she was really there. “But it wasn’t your fault, darling, it couldn’t have been.” 

“No, it had to be,” Kara whimpered. “I woke up first I- I noticed the fire first and I- I was-- I was only twelve so when the firemen got there, they took me out first be-- because I was a kid and m- my room was on the first floor. I was so scared-- my parents told me to come upstairs and I- I wouldn’t listen. They got to me first because I wouldn’t listen.” 

Kara shook violently at the memory. She grabbed onto the collar of Lena’s shirt and held it tightly between her fingers. She was so scared something was going to happen to her, something terrible like what happened to her parents. She needed to know she wasn’t going to just disappear. 

“And I was outside j- just waiting and doing  _ nothing _ while everything fell apart.” 

“You were just a kid, Kara,” Lena said, her heart swelling at the image. It hurt so much to hear it all out loud, to hear the pain and anguish in her voice, one Lena knew would never go away. But it hurt, even more, to think about how she knew exactly what Kara was feeling, that she knew what it felt like to watch as her parent was taken from her, she knew what it felt like to watch the world break apart in front of her eyes, and not do a thing to stop it. She knew better than anyone what that feeling was like, and she hated more than anything that she could relate to. 

“My love, there was nothing you could’ve done,” Lena’s voice broke as she reached up to stroke Kara’s blonde hair, the gesture as soothing to herself as it was to her friend. “You were a child, it wasn’t your fault.” 

“But I just-- I didn’t do anything,” Kara sobbed. “They wouldn’t let me back in I- I was stuck-- I didn’t save them.” 

Lena nodded, the words cutting through her like a knife. 

“And I-- I just-- I just want them back. I love Eliza but I- I want my  _ mom-- _ I should’ve been introducing you to my mom yesterday, I just want to see her again, just one more time.” 

Lena nodded once more. The ability to speak quickly left her body, all she could do was nod again in agreement as she cried with Kara, wishing she knew just how much she understood. She thought about it almost every day-- even more now that she was expecting her own baby. The fear that one day she might forget her mother’s face kept her up at night as she clung to the few memories she’d had left of her like a security blanket. Every time she went over them, they were more fuzzy than the last.

The knowledge that  _ this _ was something they both shared made Lena feel sick to her stomach. All she wanted was to be able to tell Kara that she did get it, that she knew exactly how it felt. But still, she couldn’t seem to find the words, she just wasn’t strong enough to bring herself to speak. 

“And now every time I have that dream, you’re there too and I- I’m not a kid anymore. But I  _ still _ don’t save you… I… I still fail…” Kara confessed, looking up at Lena with round, fearful, eyes. “I always fail.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, Kara,” Lena whispered. She wasn’t sure if it helped it or not; if it made any difference at all. She’d never been good with emotions before. But she wanted to make it better, she wanted to be there for Kara, even if she didn’t know how. “You don’t have to save me, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Kara nodded and swallowed the sob sitting in the back of her throat. She wanted to believe it so badly but that little voice in the back of her head was so much stronger than Lena’s-- it was always stronger than reason. 

“I’m right here. I know I’m not your family and I- I know I’ll never begin to be able to compare to them, but I’m here and I’m alright, okay? We’re safe here, you’re not gonna have to save me.” 

Lena smiled sadly and cupped Kara’s cheek in her hand, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. 

“It’ll be okay,” she said, wiping away Kara’s tears with the pad of her thumb. “I promise.”

* * *

Alex came to pick Kara up sometime in the early afternoon. Lena wasn’t sure what for-- Kara hadn’t mentioned it and she didn’t want to overstep by asking. That, and she didn’t seem to have the energy to question anything. But Alex seemed happy when she came by to get her so Lena didn’t worry, she knew it was probably something good. After what happened earlier, she only wanted to see Kara smiling again. So she would hope Kara was having at least an okay time, and try not to dwell on it. 

Once Kara left, Lena took it upon herself to deep clean the entire house so she’d have something nice to come home to. She started with the bathroom, then the living room, then the kitchen, opting not to go into Kara’s room without her permission, even if it was just to clean.

The process took almost two hours, maybe more, maybe less, Lena couldn’t be sure. She’d been so focused that all sense of time and reality had flown right out the window. Now though, she was done. Her fingers were raw and her palms callused as she sat in the kitchen with Krypto at her heel, staring at the ultrasound pictures hung on the fridge. 

She drummed her nails against the table and let out an exhausted huff, tilting her head to the side so she could see the images more clearly. Her baby had the hiccups again, the feeling of which made Lena smile ever so slightly. She absentmindedly traced the movement against her abdomen with her hand, the baby kicking forcefully as her hand came to a stop. Lena knew it was just a coincidence, it had to be, but nevertheless, she liked to imagine that her baby could feel her, that she knew Lena was there and that she loved her. 

Lena bit her lip as she glanced across the room, looking out the window at the sunshine pooling in over the countertops like a slow stream of warm honey.

If she tried hard enough, Lena could almost remember standing in her old kitchen, her tiny feet against the cold tiles and old torn up stuffed bear tucked under her arm as she watched her mom make dinner. She could almost see her white apron thrown across the table and name tag discarded at its side. 

She’d worked at a cafe, or at least that’s what Lena told herself. All she knew for sure was when she thought of her mom, she thought of the smell of black coffee and blueberry muffins; the clicks of keys on a cash register, and the hum of voices in the early morning. As Lena got older, it became harder and harder to picture her face. Her memory became more of a guessing game, a mess of dreams and reality that Lena could never decipher. Now, her mom was just a blurry image surrounded by mixed-up puzzle pieces that Lena had to force together if she wanted to even catch a glimpse of what her life had once been. 

The only thing she remembered for sure now was the apron and the nametag and standing barefoot on the kitchen tile, looking up at her mother whose face was conveniently hidden by her mops of messy brown curls. 

With a sigh, Lena looked back down at her stomach, soothingly rubbing the bump once more. She’d been so loved before everything changed, that was something she never questioned. And maybe she’d never feel that kind of love again, but she’d show it to her little girl. She’d do her best to be the mom she always wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter broke me :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena gets a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw- manipulation, and mentions of sexual assault  
> part of this chapter is slightly ambiguous so if it's confusing, don't worry, it's all intentional

“So, what do you think?” 

“It’s nice.” 

“Just nice?” 

Lena nodded, the corners of her lips pulling into a smile. “I guess I just don’t really get why you’re showing me, is all.” 

She shut the laptop and looked back up at Kara, raising a questioning eyebrow. 

“Well… last week, when I went out with Alex, we were viewing this house,” Kara explained. She scratched the back of her neck, briefly glancing down at her lap to avert Lena’s gaze. 

“Oh.” Lena almost asked why, but stopped herself before the word could grace her lips. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out what Kara was getting at.

She was looking to buy a house. A beautiful, but modest, farmhouse just a few miles outside of Midvale. And if she was buying a new house, that probably meant she was looking for some sort of fresh start. A fresh start without Lena. 

“And I wanted you to come see it with me.” 

“You do?” 

Of all things, Lena had not been expecting that. What was the point of asking her to come house hunting if Kara was only going to kick her out in the end? It honestly seemed a bit cruel. 

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about moving for a while now, since way before we started living together. I’ve been looking at this place with Alex and I’ve been debating it for some time… but I think I want to put in an offer,” Kara confessed with a hopeful grin. “And I just wanted to know what you thought.” 

Lena nodded slowly and chewed the inside of her mouth. She didn’t know what to say, there were so many questions building up inside but she couldn’t seem to say a word. 

“Obviously, you don’t have to move in if you don’t want to. I understand it’s a big change, but I don’t know, I really like being your roommate, so if you wanted to… I’d be really happy to move with you.” 

“Really?” Lena asked, unable to believe it. There were lots of directions she could’ve seen their conversation going in, but this was  _ not _ one of them. Kara wanted to move in with her, move in with _her._ It didn't make any sense but Lena didn't want to question it. Nobody ever gave her any forethought, nobody until Kara. It had to be too good to be true. 

“Yeah, and this place has three bedrooms, so you and the baby can each have your own room and you won’t have to sleep on the couch anymore.” 

“You-- you’d let me set up a nursery?” 

Kara nodded. “Well, yeah, she can’t just sleep in your room forever.” 

Again, Lena was left completely dumbfounded. The thought of really moving in with Kara to somewhere where she and her baby could have their own spaces, it almost felt like they were becoming a family. And not like the kind of family she’d had with the Luthor’s, but a real one. One with joy and love, the kind Lena had always assumed was attainable for those around her, but the kind she’d never deserve herself. 

And just for a moment, Lena allowed herself to imagine what the early mornings with Kara might be like. Mornings where she’d get up early to make Kara coffee and pancakes as a surprise, just so she could see the smile on her face when she came downstairs. Or sunny afternoons in the backyard, starting their own little vegetable garden with seeds from the farmers market. She imagined Kara in overalls with her hair in two messy braids, her nose and cheeks sunburnt, and a floppy straw hat on her head. 

Lena smiled herself as her mind slowly began to trickle away from her initial fantasy. She could still see Kara in the garden, but this time her hands were on Lena’s waist and working their way up her torso. She could all but feel Kara's body against hers, gradually moving to close the gap between them, her soft lips brushing against Lena’s for just a second before coming together as one. 

_ No.  _ Lena quickly snapped herself back into reality, boxing up that thought with a padlock and bulletproof seal before forcing it down into the deepest, darkest, crevice of her mind. That kind of thinking was dangerous, it was a  _ very _ slippery slope. One Lena would topple down with no chance of ever climbing back up if she let her mind go too far. She had to get rid of all those thoughts before it was too late. Before she started looking at Kara’s lips and the way her shirt rode up, exposing her toned abdominal muscles when she leaned over the desk to look at the re-opened computer and scroll through pictures of the house Lena had already forgotten about. 

Dammit _ , _ she was doing it again. 

_ Okay, get it together. It’s just Kara, be normal. _

“So what do you think?” Kara asked, finally bringing away from her daydream entirely. 

“Think about what?” 

“About moving. You don’t have to answer now, but do you think you’d consider it?” 

Lena nodded. “Yeah, I’ll think about it.” 

“There’s actually another open house this weekend, we could go if you want,” Kara suggested. 

“Okay… yeah, I’d like that.”

* * *

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“I have a letter for Lena,” Maggie said and waved a manilla envelope. “The mailman must’ve mixed up our houses, it got sent to Alex and me instead.” 

“Oh, okay,” Kara said with a nod, adjusting her tool belt so it fit comfortably on her hips. “She’s in her office.” 

“Cool. Thanks, little Danvers.” 

“No problem, Maggie.” 

Maggie made her way through the garage, pushing open the door to Lena’s office without knocking. The noise was enough to startle Lena, who practically jumped out of her own skin at the sound, her head snapping around to face Maggie so quickly she almost got whiplash. 

“Hey, easy there, kiddo,” Maggie said, raising her hands up in defense. “I just have some mail, it got delivered to my place instead of yours.” 

“Oh,” Lena breathed as she set a hand over her now fiercely beating heart. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Maggie said. “So, whatcha doing here?” 

“What?” 

Maggie shrugged, taking a seat at the edge of Kara’s desk. “What do you do for Kara?” 

“Uh… I’m like an assistant I guess,” Lena said, drumming her fingers against the table, her gaze slowly drifting down to the envelope Maggie had delivered. “I answer the phones, schedule appointments, just stuff like that.” 

“It’s kind of ironic, huh?” 

“What is?” 

“Well, you probably had like five assistants at once before coming to Midvale,” Maggie commented. It wasn’t judgemental the way Lena would’ve expected it to be, it was merely an observation. One Lena too had made many a time. 

“Yeah,” Lena admitted, nodding with a laugh. “It is kind of weird. If I hadn’t left, I’d probably be a CEO right now.” 

“Really?” Maggie exclaimed, her clear disbelief hanging in the air. “Sorry, I know you were like, in line for the Luthor fortune or whatever-- and I don’t mean it like that-- it’s just, you’re like what, twenty-four? It’s kind of crazy, is all.” 

“It is. But I finished getting my Ph.D. when I was twenty-three-- it took about twelve months. And I’d been working at Luthor Corp since I was about eighteen, so it was always normal to me,” Lena explained. She twirled a pen between her fingers, clicking the point against her thumb a few times. “And as you said, I was in line to take over after Lex, and that wasn’t supposed to be for another five years at least but… you know…” 

Maggie nodded, seeing Lena’s expression fall quickly at the mention of her brother. “Oh... I’m sorry, Lena, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” 

Lena shook her head, doing her best to brush it off as if it were nothing. She ran a hand through her hair and cleared her throat, plastering on a smile so Maggie wouldn’t know she’d been fazed. 

“It’s alright,” she said. “My mother’s in charge again, so clearly his homicidal rage didn’t hurt the  _ whole _ family.” 

Maggie just nodded once more with an unsure smile, not knowing how she was supposed to respond to that. 

“It’s okay, you can laugh,” Lena said. “The whole mess is honestly kind of hilarious. At least, it is for me.” 

“Yeah, I guess it’s better to laugh about it,” Maggie agreed. "It seems like it would be easier that way." 

"It is, trust me." 

Maggie stayed for a little while longer, chatting with Lena about whatever until she got a call from the sheriff's office, saying she was needed urgently. Once she left, Lena took the envelope into her hands and ran her index finger against the edge. For some reason, it felt heavy in her hold, a weight-bearing down more on her shoulders than in her hands. Perhaps it was because Lena recognized the sender's address instantly, the sight of which filling her with something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Almost like sludge in her chest, something pulling her back down to the place she'd been before coming to Midvale. 

“Why would he do this?” Lena mumbled, putting her head in her hand as she sighed, dragging her finger against the yellow paper. 

_ You know why he’d do this, he wants to get in your head.  _

Lena groaned and covered her eyes with her palms. “He’s already in my head,” she muttered. “Why… why does he do this?”

She almost expected an answer, a sigh escaped her when she realized she wasn't going to get one. Not unless she actually read what was inside. And that was something Lena wasn't sure she could handle doing. 

* * *

Lena let out a shaky breath and ran her hands through her hair. The tips of her fingers quivered with the movement as she watched herself in the bathroom mirror, a pale figure staring back at her. 

It had been almost fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes since she’d excused herself from dinner with Kara when that familiar wave came crashing down over her shoulders. She’d done her best to keep her composure as she walked to the bathroom, still trying to keep herself together once the door was closed and locked.

They’d been talking about work or something like that. Lena didn't know anymore. All she could be sure of was Kara brought up the house and all of a sudden it was his voice, not hers. His voice in Lena’s head, telling her if she did this, she’d be trapped with no way out. That she should’ve stayed back in Metropolis with him because Kara didn’t love her the way he did, that no one would  _ ever _ love her the way he did. 

Lena tried to tell herself it wasn’t true. She tried to counter it with Kara’s words, with Kara’s voice saying that she did care about Lena and she wanted her in her life. But the more she tried, the louder he got. And before she knew it, Lex was at his side. His voice was the most real, the freshest, and most present.

He told Lena none of this was real, that Kara was just leading her on. She was weak, she always had been, and Kara was getting ready to use that when Lena was at her worst. 

Lena did everything she could to try and get rid of him. But it didn’t take much before it became too much to bear. So she told Kara she’d be a minute and did everything she possibly could to not break down as she left. The effort only did so much though, as Lena was quickly starting to crack. And every time a little chip of her facade fell to the ground, it got harder and harder to pick it up again without breaking even more. 

Wrapping her arms around herself, Lena slipped her hand over her shoulder and down her upper back, closing herself and trying to even out her breathing. Fifteen minutes she’d spend trying to get it all under control, but it was all slipping through her fingers. The worst part though, was whatever it was, whatever parasite was growing inside and slowly killing her, Lena still couldn’t identify. She knew it was his voice-- not just Lex but  _ him _ , she knew they were both still lingering inside of her, but why? Why stay silent for so long? Why couldn’t she  _ keep _ them quiet? 

As she opened her eyes, Lena sat down on the edge of the tub. She leaned forward and tightly gripped the plaster.

She knew for certain she’d felt it before. It was acute, poking her like a needle, but still managing to absorb her entire body. Ever since she’d gotten to Midvale, she’d been trying to push it down. It was the same feeling she’d had the morning beside him, with that itch beneath her skin. And though she didn’t remember much, she could recall going to the bathroom and sitting on the edge of the tub the same way she did now, scratching her arms as she cried, desperately trying to get rid of the insects crawling through her. 

Lena pushed back her hair once more and swallowed the lump rising to the top of her throat. The itch was back, it was creeping through her veins, reaching inside of her, reaching towards places she never wanted anyone to find. Places  _ he’d _ let himself find. 

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head and wrapping her herself in a hug once more as she dragged her nails against her arms. “No, you’re fine.”

She had to be. That was what her parents would’ve told her, what Lex would tell her, he probably would’ve said the same thing. Because after all, she hadn’t said no. She’d tensed beneath his touch and flinched when he kissed her, but she never fought back, she never told him to stop. And that was her fault, so she’d have to deal with consequences. She’d have to deal with the dirt beneath her fingernails and under her lips, with the poison seeping through her veins, infecting her and everything she touched. 

Lena cringed, holding a hand to her stomach in the same spot Kara touched her just over a week ago at the festival. It had felt so nice in the moment, Kara had been so soft, so gentle, the way she always was when she touched her. But now, the thought of anyone's hands on her made her want to vomit. 

“Lena?” 

Lena’s head snapped up, her heart-stopping at the sound of Kara calling her name. 

“Hey… so you’ve been in there for a minute… are you okay?” She asked. “Just because, if you’re sick again-- I don’t know, I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” 

“I--” Lena cleared her throat and straightened her posture. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll just be a second.” 

“Okay,” Kara said. “I’ll be back downstairs if you need anything.” 

“Okay, thanks, Kara.” 

Lena sighed and stood up, slowly walking back over to the mirror. She wiped away her tears and stared coldly at her reflection, turning on the faucet and holding her hands under the frigid water. She only broke eye contact for a split second when she splashed it against her face. She then shut off the tap and grabbed a towel with quivering hands, breathing shakily as she wiped off her cheeks and forehead. 

“You can do this, you’re fine,” Lena muttered and neatly folded the towel before hanging it back on its ring by the sink. 

She just had to push it down for a little while longer. Push Lex down, push him down. She’d done it before and she’d do it again. She had to if she didn’t want to risk losing Kara.

* * *

“Hey,” Kara said, smiling as Lena sat back down at the dinner table. “You okay?” 

Lena nodded. She stiffly reached for her napkin and spread it across her lap, focusing on feeling the thin paper between her fingers rather than her  _ moment _ earlier. 

“I’m alright. Just a little nauseous.” 

Not a complete lie, but not the whole truth either. 

“Oh.” Kara picked at her pizza crust, tossing down a piece to Krypto, who was perched by her chair, whining adamantly. “We’re okay, right?” 

“Yeah… yeah, we are,” Lena said. 

“I just… I don’t want to pressure you into something you’re not ready for. And I know we’re roommates, but buying a house is a big deal. And I- I guess I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t say no,” Kara explained. She looked up at Lena, her brow knitted together and a small crinkle appearing between her eyes. It always did when she was worried about someone she loved. 

“I…” Lena looked down at her hands, biting her lip as she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. “It’s not about the house. It’s… Lex… he sent me a letter today. That’s what Maggie came by to drop off.” 

“Oh.” 

So much for keeping it all inside.

“I haven’t opened it yet. I don’t know if I will,” she continued. Lena sighed, pulling at the tips of her fingers and looking back up at Kara. “I know that if I do, whatever he said will eat away at me. But I know if I don’t, not knowing will do the same.” 

Kara nodded, scratching her head as she tried to figure out how to respond. without making everything worse 

“I… I guess, either way, he’s in jail right now. So even if he says something that puts you on edge, we know he can’t get to you,” she said after a moment. 

“Yeah, I suppose,” Lena whispered. “The thing is, I do want to know what he said… I probably shouldn’t… he just has this hold on me... on my life, like-- like I  _ need _ to know. And I don’t think I  _ want _ to know what he has to say, I mean there’s no way it’s anything good. But there’s something in me that just has to read it.” 

“I… I think I get it,” Kara said. “When Jeremiah-- my foster dad-- when he died… he was a scientist, he worked in a lab a few hours from here. And he used to keep all these journals, just notes, and research and stuff. And when we finally went through his stuff, Eliza let Alex and I divide them and she said we could keep them if we wanted.” 

Kara bit down on the inside of her mouth, smiling sadly as a lump rose in the back of her throat. 

“For me, I’d only known him for a few months, but reading the journals- even though I didn’t understand them, it was really comforting.” 

Lena couldn't bring herself to speak. Instead, she reached across the table and took Kara’s hand in hers, giving it a squeeze as she brushed the pad of her thumb across Kara’s knuckles. 

“But Alex… she refused to look at them and she’d get so mad if she caught me with them. I think… I know it wasn’t the same thing, but I think she was dealing with something similar,” Kara explained, squeezing Lena’s hand back. “She brought it up a few years ago and she said she’d hated that she couldn’t bring herself to read them, and at the same time, she hated that everyone knew what was in them but her.” 

Lena nodded. “Yeah, that’s kind of it. I don’t want to know, but I hate not knowing. And if someone else knows what it says... that's even more unsettling.” 

“What if you read it with me?” Kara offered. 

“What?” 

“You don’t have to read it to me, I don’t have even to see it or know what it says. But I could sit with you while you read it. It might feel less scary that way.” 

“You wouldn’t mind?” 

Kara shook her head. “Not at all.” 

* * *

Lena snuggled into Kara’s side, her bump wedging a good few inches between them. She picked up the envelope from off the coffee table and released a breath, using her fingernail to rip it open. 

“You ready?” Kara asked. 

Lena nodded. “Yup.” 

“Alright,” Kara said with a smile, aiming her remote at the television and turning on an episode of  _ Community. _ “I’m not even here. I’m just a very human-looking ghost.” 

Lena chuckled. She turned back to the envelope, mentally preparing herself as she reached inside and pulled out a sheet of white paper holding the letter she’d been dreading all day. She glanced over at Kara one last time and felt her chest tighten. She could do this, she reminded herself. It was just a letter. 

Just a letter. 

_ Dear Lena, _

_ I’ve heard from the grapevine you’ve moved to Midvale. I’d like to say I’m surprised, but knowing you, it isn’t unexpected. I’ll spare you the lecture though, I believe you’re smart enough to know the mistake you’re making. But, I digress.  _

_ Shockingly enough though, I’m not writing to you about your remarkable ineptitude. As I assume you already know, I’m writing this from one of the so-called highest security prisons in the country. Unfortunate, isn’t it? And unless Midvale’s as backward as they say, I’m sure you’ve also seen on the news that my trial started a few weeks ago. There are still many court dates to go, the next being exactly four weeks from now.  _

_ While we haven’t always seen eye to eye over the past few years, you are still my sister, Lena. In many ways, you’re still that timid little girl who used to hide from mother in my bedroom closet. You’re still just as delicate, like a little flower having its petals plucked away. One by one by one. You always used to let me put you back together though. You were smart like that, you let your brother take care of you.  _

_ And now, after all the favors I’ve shown you, I ask one in return.  _

_ My next court date, as mentioned, is four weeks from today. I ask as your family, to come to testify in my defense. I know how you think I’m terrible. But please, as you make your decision, remember all I have done for you.  _

_ Your brother, _

_ Lex  _

“Oh no-- no!” Lena crumpled the letter into a ball and hastily put it down on the coffee table, jumping away as if it had burnt her hand. 

“What is it?” Kara asked, immediately coming to her aid. 

“He… he wants… he wants me to come to court.” 

“What?” 

“He wants me to testify-- to  _ help _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i *hate* this


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some angst and some fluff. mostly just filler for what's yet to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once more, i'm posting this during an online class. at this point, I don't think there's any hope for me. my brain is no think, just midvale au.

“God, he would do this.” Lena scoffed and shook her head, folding her arms over her chest and flopping back against the sofa. “This is just like him-- as soon as I’m finally happy and on my own, he’d swoop right back in and fuck everything up. I-- how do I even respond to this?”

“You don’t have to,” Kara said. “You have all the power here, not him. You can honestly just ignore him.”

“No… no, I can’t do that!” 

“Why not? He can’t make you testify or even write him back. It’s all up to you,” Kara said. “But I’m sure if you wanted to, you could probably send a statement to the judge, explaining your reasons why she should be locked up. It’s all up to you, you’ve got the upper hand.” 

Lena shook her head again. “He’s still winning no matter what I do. If I don’t show up-- if I just email the judge telling them all the shit he did to me-- it’s a cop-out! He’ll know he still has power, that’s exactly what he wants. He wants to keep me as his puppet.” 

She stood up and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans, walking over to the windows. “Besides… I’ve never told anyone what it was like growing up with him, not even you. I can’t… I can’t tell a judge all that…” 

“You don’t have to,” Kara said softly. “As I said, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You hold all the power here, not him.” 

Lena nodded and began to slowly pace back and forth around the living room. She kept her hands in the back pockets of her pants, her baby kicking non-stop at all the movement. 

“Why do I feel like I have to help him?” Lena thought aloud. “He’s literally a murderer-- he’s a fucking psychopath, why is that stupid letter working on me?” 

“He’s manipulating you. He knows how big your heart is and he’s taking advantage of that.” 

“I- I know that, but why is it working? He killed thousands of people and, god, I’m the one feeling guilty because I don’t want to defend him in court.” 

“It’s because you’re a good person, Lena, that’s the only reason he’s doing it, because he knows it’ll work.” Kara stood up and walked over to Lena, stopping her anxious pacing by she taking Lena’s hands in hers so she could hold them firmly. “You care about the people around you so much and it is such a beautiful thing. But Lex knows that, he’s trying to use it against you.” 

Lena nodded, clenching her jaw as her eyes welled up with tears. He wasn’t the only one who did that, and he probably wouldn’t be the last.

“He’s a master manipulator, you won’t be any less good if you ignore his request,” Kara said softly. 

Lena bit down on the inside of her mouth, turning her head to the side and staring at the wall as tears began to blur her vision. She cleared her throat and drew in a sharp inhale, doing her best to listen to what Kara was saying. 

“I uh… I think I’m going to take a walk,” she said after a moment of hesitation. “Do you mind if I take Krypto?” 

Kara shook her head. “No, I think he’d love that.”

“Oh- okay,” Lena breathed, nodding and folding her arms over her chest. She just had to get out, just for a minute. Get away from Lex and the voices and try to remember what it was she wanted, not what everyone was telling her to do. “I- I guess I’ll be back in a bit then.” 

“Okay, be safe.”

“I will.”

* * *

Lena walked Krypto (more like Krypto pulled Lena) all throughout the town. They started at main street and worked their way down the more obscure roads, even briefly stopping by the dog park. Lena looked through all the shop windows, taking a minute to linger outside the baby store Kara had taken her to when they’d first become friends.

Thinking back on that, she never would’ve expected Kara to be the one by her side through everything. Maybe on some level, it made sense. Kara, for reasons Lena still couldn’t understand, had cared about her from the start. And Lena had always felt some sort of pull to her. Almost as if they were magnets, always finding their way back to one another.

It hurt now to imagine what Kara thought of Lena, now that she’d read the letter and let herself start to break. Kara knew Lena was weak enough to be persuaded by a silly note typed up by her psychopathic brother. There was no coming back from that. 

Lena and Krypto ended up walking together for about another hour before coming back home. The entire time, Lena was plagued with thoughts of her brother and Kara and him. For a moment, Lena almost regretted letting herself get so close to the people in Midvale. She regretted taking down her walls and letting Kara in, letting her get past the protective barriers she’d built, ones that were supposed to be keeping her separate from everyone else in her life. 

If she’d just been smart about the whole thing, Lena would’ve been able to leave. Lex knew where she was, the obvious choice was to pack up everything and drive across the country to an even more ambiguous, unknown town where no one would ever find her. 

But just like Lex said, Lena was weak. She was emotional. She got attached. Lena couldn’t leave Midvale, she couldn’t leave Kara. She’d even feel guilty about leaving Alex and Maggie without saying goodbye. It would hurt too much. 

So she went back home. And when she finally arrived, Lena wanted nothing more than to curl up in a little ball and disappear forever. 

It wasn’t just because of Lex or the skeletons in her closet pestering her anymore. Her back was constantly aching from how big she’d been getting, her whole body was sore and swollen. The baby never seemed to stop kicking her either. When it wasn’t in the ribs, Lena’s bladder was being used as a full-time trampoline. And on top of that, for some reason, Lena couldn’t stop thinking about pickles-- something she normally hated.

By the time she shut the front door and unhooked Krypto from his leash, Lena was ready to collapse in a heap on the floor from exhaustion. But Kara was sitting on the couch, another episode of  _ Community _ playing while she absentmindedly scrolled through Instagram on her phone. 

“Hey,” she said, smiling as Krypto hopped up onto her lap, signaling their arrival. “How was the walk?” 

“Good,” Lena said, doing her best to smile back at her friend. “I uh… I’m really tired, I think I’m just gonna head to bed, if that’s okay.” 

“It’s no problem, I’ll get out of your hair.” Kara grinned as she scratched Krypto behind his ears. She stood up and patted her thighs to get his attention. “Come on, let's give Lena some space.” 

Lena bit her lip, her head hanging low as Kara and Krypto left. She could somewhat hear Kara telling her goodnight, and maybe something after that. But everything was so foggy that the words never really registered. 

That’s how it was for the rest of the night. Lena pushed through mud and slush as she put her pajamas on. She felt as if there were boulders hanging by her ankles as she walked to the kitchen and grabbed something random out of the fridge, not even bothering to look at what it was before she ate it. 

Lena was too tired. Too out of control, too cold, too achy and swollen. Too much of everything and yet she still felt as if she were falling short in every possible way. It was all just too much for her to manage. So she went to bed hours earlier than she ever thought she ever could’ve, tossing and turning for so long the extra time didn’t even matter anymore. 

It was somewhere around midnight when Lena gave up. She sighed and pulled back the covers, not even thinking about it as she walked up the creaky stairs to Kara’s room. 

She pushed open her bedroom door, fiddling with her fingers as she tried to work up the courage to say something. 

“Kara?” 

It took a minute, but eventually, she woke up too. 

“Hm?” Kara yawned as she sat up, rubbing her eyes to make sure she wasn’t still dreaming. 

“I’m sorry I--” Lena anxiously rubbed her collar bone and looked down at the ground. She was already regretting her decision. “I’m so sorry, I- I just wanted to ask if I could stay with you, but I- I know it’s stupid and--”

“You can stay,” Kara said without any hesitation. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, come here.” Kara reached out her arm and gestured for Lena to come closer. 

Lena bit her lip, her head still hung low as she made her way across the room. She climbed into bed next to Kara, allowing her friend to drape the blankets over her leg and prop up a pillow behind her. 

“I’m sorry, Kara,” Lena mumbled. “I shouldn’t be doing this.” 

“It’s okay, I like when you stay up here,” Kara said softly. 

“I like it too.” 

Lena took Kara’s hand and intertwined their fingers, holding it against her chest as she did her best to relax. Even just having Kara there helped. Knowing she wasn’t alone despite everything Lex wanted her to believe, it didn’t feel real, but Lena wanted to think it was. She wanted to believe that for once in her life, things might actually be okay.

“I don’t want to leave,” she muttered to no one in particular, cursing herself for ever even considering running away to another town. 

“You… you don’t have to.” 

“Thank you, Kara,” Lena said softly as she laid down beside Kara. “I know I don’t deserve this… so, thank you.” 

“You do deserve it,” Kara said. She rolled her onto her side, draping an arm over Lena’s stomach and spooning her from behind. “You deserve to be loved, Lena.” 

Lena didn’t say anything, but Kara could hear a breath of relief escape her.

“I know you don’t think it’s true, but I promise, it is. And I’ll keep showing you until you believe it. Because you are so lovable. So  _ so _ loveable.”

Kara lifted her head to glance over at her friend, trying to see if she’d heard her. But already, Lena had fallen fast asleep. 

She must’ve been burnt out, Kara thought to herself as she laid back down, still keeping her arm around Lena. It just felt so natural lying there with her, with their bodies pressed together like that. She could hear the sound of Lena’s relaxed breathing, smell her shampoo as she rested her head on Lena’s shoulder. It felt like that was the way things were supposed to be. Just her and Lena together. 

“I love you so much, Lena. I wish you could see what I do.”

* * *

“Where do we even start with this?” 

“There are so many papers-- it’s like building a jail cell, not a crib.”

“Well, with my genetics, you never know,” Lena deadpanned, getting both puzzled and horrified looks back from Alex and Maggie. “I’m kidding!” 

“Alright. Hey- can you see what Kara’s up to? She’s a mechanic, she should be contributing at least a little bit,” Alex said. 

“Yeah, I think she’s just getting snacks, but I’ll go check.” 

Lena headed out into the hall and made her way downstairs to the kitchen, where Kara had been for the past fifteen minutes. They’d invited Alex and Maggie over to help them set up the crib, but so far it had just been a  _ lot _ of confusion and even more swearing.

Lena had been a bit hesitant about the whole thing at first. They’d already toured the farmhouse together and were seriously considering moving. Then there was the fact that Kara’s house did not have the space for new baby furniture. But Kara said they should set everything up anyway, just in case the baby was born and they hadn’t made a decision about the house. After all, it was better to be safe than sorry. 

“Hey, are you stress baking?” Lena asked, raising an eyebrow as she sauntered into the kitchen. 

“What? No-- I’m being a good hostess,” Kara retorted. 

“Liar!” Lena laughed, leaning over the table with a cheeky grin. 

“Okay  _ maybe _ just a little bit,” Kara admitted, holding two fingers together for emphasis. “That crib is just so complicated! And you mentioned you’d been craving blueberry muffins, and while I have a bone to pick with anyone who likes fruit in their pastries, I thought I’d make you some.” 

“Oh…” Lena was taken aback by her response. “That’s so sweet, you didn’t have to.” 

“I know, I just wanted to do something nice for you,” Kara said, setting down her whisk so she could take ahold of Lena’s hands from across the table. “And for her.” 

Lena beamed up at Kara, her cheeks quickly coloring. “You know, she’s the size of a large mango now?” 

“Wow, she’s getting big.” 

“Yeah, she kicks non stop now, too,” Lena added with a chuckle. “Very feisty.” 

“She’s like you. Maybe she’ll be a soccer player,” Kara joked as Lena guided her hand to her stomach, letting Kara feel the bumps against her hand. It was no longer just a little flutter. No, they were real strong kicks from a real baby. 

“That’s crazy,” Kara breathed. 

Lena nodded, smiling proudly as she placed her hand over Kara’s. “Yeah…” 

“You okay?” Kara asked. Lena looked back up at her, her brow furrowing in confusion. “It just looks like there’s something on your mind.” 

“Oh… well… I think I decided what I want to do about Lex,” Lena confessed, nervously scratching the back of her neck. “I want to testify.” 

“For him? Lena, I know he’s--” 

“No, not for him. I… I want to testify against him,” Lena explained. She rubbed her collar bone, glancing up ever so slightly to meet Kara’s gaze. “I was so scared to make a decision, but the more I considered it, I thought about how he still has this hold on me, you know? It’s like part of me is still begging for his approval. But if I do this I will  _ finally _ be able to stand up to him. And maybe then, when I’ve said my piece, he won’t seem so powerful.” 

Kara smiled and took Lena’s hand in hers, tracing circles over the back of her palm with her thumb. 

“It’s a terrible idea, isn’t it?” Lena said, realizing how absurd it all sounded out loud. 

But Kara shook her head. “Not at all. I think it’s really brave.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’ll be easy, but it might give you some closure,” Kara said. “It shows a lot of strength, Lena.” 

“Thank you.” Lena smiled, still slightly startled at Kara’s response. “I… I’m glad you think so.”

* * *

Maggie sighed and pulled her hair back into a low ponytail, holding up one of the instruction sheets to the crib, which was about halfway done being assembled. 

“Do you need a hand?” Lena offered, picking up on her frustration. 

Maggie shook her head and set her screwdriver, the metal clashing against the wood floor causing Lena to instinctually step back. Immediately her heart began to pound, the urge to run away freezing her entire body. Lex used to slam stuff when they were kids. Jack would slam cabinet doors when they argued. This had to mean Maggie was mad, that Lena had done something wrong. 

“No, I’m fine.” Maggie glanced up at Lena, her expression falling when she saw how she was trying to swallow her fear. “I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated with this.” 

“I… I can take over if you’d like to be done.” 

“No, Alex and I are building it because you, the pregnant one, shouldn’t have to,” Maggie said, stating the obvious. 

“Right.” 

Maggie brushed her hands off on her jeans and stood up. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

“I…” Maggie cringed, smiling awkwardly over at Lena. She’d thought about bringing this up when she got that letter from Lex, but it felt like it would’ve been intrusive to say anything. Now though, Kara and Alex were downstairs, trying to unstick Kara’s blueberry batter from the top of the oven, leaving Lena and Maggie alone for the time being. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just say it.

“I don’t want to offend you, but I’ve been seeing Lex on the news a lot the past few days. And since they’re talking about him…” 

“They’re talking about me too.” 

Maggie nodded. “So as your friend, I want to ask, with everything you’re going through, do you have anyone you can talk to?” 

Lena hesitated. She pulled at the hair tie around her arm, twisting it against her wrist. “What are you getting at?”

“What I mean is, do you have someone who can help?” 

“Like a… a therapist?” 

“Yeah,” Maggie said. “Just someone you can get everything out to. It might be nice, you know?” 

“Uh… no, I don’t really do anything like that,” Lena said. She took one of the instruction papers off Kara’s dresser, folding and unfolding the sheet as she spoke. 

Growing up, Lillian had always scrutinized people who went to therapy. She’d said it was a cop-out and those who considered it were too feeble to deal with their own emotions. Emotions were something to be controlled, she’d reminded Lena of that many times. Letting herself feel, allowing herself to understand why she thought the way she did, it was never an option. 

“Oh, okay. It was just a thought.” Maggie said. “We don’t have to talk about it.” 

Lena nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and turning back to the half-assembled crib. Lillian wasn’t there anymore though, Lena reminded herself. Neither was Lex. She got to decide what she did and didn’t do now, not them. So maybe Lena could consider it, even if she knew they’d disapprove. After all, who was going to stop her? 

* * *

“Kara?” 

“Mhmm?” 

“What do you think about therapy?” 

“For who?” Kara asked. She took a handful of popcorn from the bowl she and Lena were sharing and popped it in her mouth. 

“Me,” Lena said, her cheeks turning pink at the statement. “Maggie brought it up earlier and I wanted to know what you thought.” 

“Oh,” Kara said with a nod. “I don’t think it’s a bad idea. I’ve been before and it really helped.” 

“You have?” 

Kara nodded. “Yeah. It was hard, but it was definitely nice to get everything off my chest to someone I didn’t have to see throughout the week.” 

“Yeah… that’s pretty much what Maggie said.” Lena sighed and let her head fall to Kara’s shoulder, taking her usual position on the couch, cuddled up against her. “Is it bad that I want to try?” 

Kara shook her head. “No, not at all. I think you could really benefit from it. Not like-- I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, but it could be helpful.”

“I guess I’ll think about it, then,” Lena decided. She snuggled up against Kara, smiling as she reached for the bowl of popcorn in between them. “Now, back to the movie. Princess Bride or The Sorcerer's Stone?” 

“You don’t even know movies! You’re evil for making me choose!” 

“My Luthor genes really shine through sometimes.” 

“We’re watching both now, it’s the only logical choice.” 

Lena chuckled and nodded. “Whatever you say, Danvers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know this was a mess but I've already written the next chapter and it's going to be posted VERY soon!!   
> if you have any thoughts or questions, feel free to leave them in the comments. i love hearing from you guys, even if I'm terrible at responding <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone makes a special appearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was very apprehensive about posting this. I've had it under revision for over a week now, but I eventually realized adding another filler chapter would just be redundant, and adding another subplot this late in wouldn't make any sense. so here is chapter 13(?) in all it's messy glory

Lena winced as she pulled open her drawer, her hand reaching for her stomach. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with coming?” She asked, using one hand to pull out a button-down shirt and blazar. “I know you said you are, I just don’t want to drag you into this mess involuntarily.” 

“I’m sure,” Kara said as she tossed her suitcase up onto her bed. “Besides, I’ve always wanted to go to Metropolis. I know the circumstances aren’t great, but maybe we could go sightseeing or something.” 

Lena grinned and nodded. “Yeah. I’d even do the dumb touristy stuff with you as a thank you.”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me,” Kara reminded her. “But I will accept a walk on the city high line as compensation.” 

Lena rolled her eyes and scoffed, doing her best to act annoyed. But she couldn’t keep back her laugh at the way Kara endearingly batted her eyelashes and pouted her lips. 

“You’re the worst.” 

“Yes, but you love me,” Kara teased. 

“Maybe just a li-- ah.” 

Lena bent over and grabbed onto her stomach. Slowly, she lowered herself onto the bed, doing her best to keep her breathing steady as Kara knelt down at her side and asked her if she was alright. 

“I- I’m fine,” Lena said. “Just a cramp.”

“Are you sure?” Kara asked. 

Lena nodded. “Yup, it’s probably just anxiety. Or indigestion from dinner last night.” 

She closed her eyes, waiting a few seconds before the discomfort eventually subsided. 

“Okay, I’m fine,” Lena said, once she felt the pain dissolve. She reached for Kara’s hands and Kara helped pull her off the bed. 

“You’re _sure_ it’s just stress?” 

“Yeah. My brothers on trial for murder and we’re going all the way to Metropolis so I can testify against him. I’d be as insane as him to not be stressed,” Lena said with a chuckle. 

“You’re right,” Kara said. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m so freaked out.” 

“It’s alright. I’m not the only one dealing with this, you’re probably just as on edge as I am,” Lena said reassuringly. “But darling, I promise, I’m okay.” 

“Okay…” Kara couldn’t seem to say anything else. Once Lena called her _darling_ in that calm, raspy voice, all other thoughts left her head. Well, all except ones of Lena calling her other terms of affection. Those were still very prominent. 

“We should keep packing,” Lena said after a minute. “Staying organized always helps when I’m under pressure, maybe it’ll work for you too.” 

“Yeah, maybe.”

* * *

“Oh,” Lena grimaced and gripped the edge of the kitchen counter, letting out a long, wavering breath.

She shifted her weight between her heels and held her stomach in one hand. She moaned as the stabbing pain shot through her once more, cringing while she did her best to swallow the pain.

This could _not_ be happening now. They were driving up to Metropolis in two days, there was no way what she thought was happening could actually be happening. So Lena did what she always did when something bad hit her out of the blue. She ignored it with the intention of going about the rest of her day.

Lena reached up to open the cupboard above her, satisfied with her ability to ignore the ache sitting at the bottom of her belly. But as soon as her hand left her stomach, Lena involuntarily cried out in agony. 

“Oh my god- Lena, are you okay?” Kara shot up from where she’d been sitting on the couch and rushed over to her. She set a steady hand on Lena’s shoulder as she attempted to figure out what was going on, gently massaging her to try and ease the pain. 

“I’m fine,” Lena said, forcing herself to stand up straight again. 

“You’re not like… in labor, right?” Kara asked. 

Lena shook her head. She couldn’t be, it wasn’t possible. Well, it was _possible,_ but not a good possible. She was only twenty-eight weeks along, she hadn’t even entered her third trimester. 

“No, I think it’s just Braxton hicks contractions, I’ve been having them all morning,” she explained, conveniently leaving out the part about how Braxton hicks were supposed to go away after a little while and these had been irritating her all day. 

“Are you sure we shouldn’t go to the hospital?” Kara asked. “I mean, just to check.” 

Lena nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be--” her voice cut right before she could utter the word _fine._ Lena’s face drained of all it’s color as she looked down at the ground, a small gasp escaping her lips. 

“What is it?” 

“I think my…” Lena looked up at Kara, unable to comprehend it herself as she said it aloud. “My water just broke.” 

“Oh my…” Kara breathed, unsure of what to do or how to respond. “Okay, we-- we have to get you to the hospital.” 

Lena shook her head. “No-- no, I’m not ready!” 

She couldn’t, there was so much that wasn’t ready. They’d only just put in an offer for the house. The nursery hadn’t been set up yet-- _nothing_ had been set up. Hell, they didn’t even have a car seat to take the baby home in! And all of that was completely ignoring the fact that Lena was barely halfway done with her pregnancy, she was nowhere near ready to have her baby, she couldn’t go. 

“No, Kara, it’s too soon,” she insisted, her voice breaking as she began to cry. “And we’re… the trial-- no-- I- I have to testify.” 

“I know, but we’re on her schedule now,” Kara said with a nervous laugh. “We need to go.” 

“But I-- I don’t have a hospital bag packed. We don’t even have a stroller, I- I can’t,” Lena cried, her panic growing with every passing second. 

“I know, but we’ll figure it out. Right now, we _need_ to get you to the hospital,” Kara said, placing a steady hand on Lena’s shoulder. “I can call Alex and Maggie, they’ll pack your bag. They can meet us there and bring you whatever you need, okay?” 

“No, I’m not ready,” Lena sobbed as she brought one hand down to her stomach. “I- I can’t… what if I’m not fit to be a parent?” 

She ducked her head and wiped her eyes with her palm, letting out a pathetic huff. 

“I… what if I end up like my mother? What if I hurt her?” 

“You won’t turn out like Lillian,” Kara said, her voice so sure Lena could almost believe what she was saying was the truth. “You care about this baby so much. And yeah, things aren’t always going to be happy and perfect, but it’s so obvious to anyone how much you love her. You’re going to be the most incredible mom, Lena, I’ve never doubted that for a second.” 

Lena was about to protest when she was hit with another contraction. She reached out and grabbed Kara’s arm, holding it tightly to keep her balance as she doubled over and groaned in pain. 

“It’s okay, just try to breathe through it,” Kara said, wincing as Lena squeezed her arm. 

“It’s not okay, there’s a baby trying to come out of my vagina!” Lena cried out. 

“I know! That’s why we need to get to the hospital,” Kara insisted, her words muffled by the sound of Lena’s agonized moans. 

This time, however, she didn’t argue. She let Kara snake her arm around her waist and help her to the car, doing her best to assist Lena with controlling her breathing as they walked. 

“Okay, I’m gonna call Alex. Do you know how far apart your contractions are?” Kara asked once they were in the car. 

“About five minutes,” Lena said, pressing her hands against the seat as she tried to suppress the steadily growing discomfort. “They last around three minutes each.” 

“Alright,” Kara said with a nod, making a mental note of everything Lena was saying. 

“Are you ready to do this?” 

“Not at all.”

* * *

“Oh, wow.” 

“Wow? Did you just say _wow?_ ” Lena exclaimed, shooting a death glare over at the doctor examining her. 

“Lena, it looks like you’re already eight centimeters dilated, you’re going to be pushing _very_ soon. We can give you something to ease the pain, but at this point, it’s too late for an epidural,” Dr. Wheeler said, a clear sense of urgency in her words. 

She then pointed to one of the nurses, giving him quick and firm directions. “She’s hypertensive, hang ten of IV hydralazine.” 

Dr. Wheeler then turned away to face her inter, this time keeping her voice low so no one else would overhear. 

“Call transport, tell them to get a portable incubator ready, and page 911 to Dr. Robbins.” 

“What?” Lena whimpered, looking over at Kara, her eyes filled with fear. She reached for her hand and held it close to her chest, unable to stop herself from crying. “Kara, what’s happening?” 

“Lena, you’re doing great so far,” Dr. Wheeler said, standing above her bed and looking down at her with a smile. “But your baby is extremely preterm. Paging the NICU and getting pediatric doctors on standby is all just protocol to make sure your girl is taken care of.” 

“B- but you paged 911,” Lena cried. “Y- you paged 911 for my baby.” 

“I know, we’re just following the rules. I assure you, we’re going to do everything we can to make sure both of you and your baby are okay,” Dr. Wheeler reassured her. 

“Kara…” Lena looked to her friend for help, unable to do anything but sob as another contraction took over, the acute pain managing to cripple her entire body. 

“I’m right here, I’ve got you,” Kara whispered, stroking Lena’s hair with her free hand while Lena fiercely gripped onto her other. 

“Kara, it hurts,” Lena cried, holding onto Kara’s hand as tightly as she could. “It hurts so bad.” 

“Just think about your baby, okay? I know it’s terrible now, but it’s going to be so worth it, I promise,” Kara reassured her as she continued to calmly brush back Lena’s hair. 

“Please don’t leave me,” Lena wept, her cries echoing against the walls as the contraction made its way through her body. 

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay, Lena, you’re at ten centimeters. I'm gonna need you to start pushing,” Dr. Wheeler instructed. 

“No, no I can’t!” Lena frantically looked around the room, her eyes darting from Kara to the doctor, begging for an out. 

“Yes, you can, give me a big push on my count,” Dr. Wheeler said. “One… two…” 

Lena threw her head back as she screamed, the effort ripping through her body, the sensation strong enough it felt as if she were actually being torn in half. She grasped Kara’s hand as if it were a lifeline and let out a broken cry.

“I can’t,” she sobbed. “I can’t do it!” 

“Yes, you can, you _are_ doing it,” Kara said. 

Lena fell back against her pillow, bringing up her free hand to her forehead as she cried. It seemed like the only thing she could do at this point-- just sit there in the worst pain of her entire life and cry for the baby she was delivering over a month too soon, the baby that she’d promised to protect and was failing before they were even born. 

“Lena, I’m gonna need another push,” Dr. Wheeler encouraged. 

Lena whimpered something incoherent and nodded, looking up helplessly at Kara as she reached for her now red and bruised hand once more. 

“You’ve got it, Lena, you’re doing so good,” Kara said, smiling down at her with tears in her eyes. 

And before she knew it, another contraction washed over her as Lena jet out another cry. 

“Fuck!” She yelled, squeezing Kara’s hand so hard the tips of her fingers drained of all their color. “ _Fuck_!” 

“Come on, Lena,” Kara exclaimed. “Keep going, you’re doing great.” 

“I can’t do it!” Lena screamed, craning her neck, and lurching her whole body forward as she pushed. 

“You’re doing it, just give me a few more seconds,” Dr. Wheeler instructed. “Five more seconds then it’s over.” 

As Kara and the doctor began to count for her, Lena started to cry even harder. She was only two pushes in, she hadn’t even reached the hardest part and all she wanted was for it to be over; to be able to finally hold her baby, for all the agony and heartache to be gone. But it didn’t matter how badly she wanted it, she knew that wasn’t going to be the reality.

Her baby was being born too soon, soon enough she’d be taken away to the NICU the second she was out in the real world. She wasn’t even going to be the first to hold her, she wouldn’t be the face her daughter saw when she opened her eyes for the first time. No- that would be one of the doctors. 

Nothing would be the way she planned. She was completely out of control. And there was nothing Lena or anyone else could do about it. 

“Okay, take a minute and try to breathe,” Dr. Wheeler said. 

Lena fell back against her bed, swallowing thickly and releasing a breath. 

“You’re doing great so far, I’d say only four more pushes and you’ll have your little girl.” 

Lena nodded, whimpering as she looked up at Kara. But before she could bring herself to say anything, the door to her room flew open and Alex and Maggie practically stumbled over each other to get to her. 

“We got your bag,” Alex said, panting heavily as she held up Lena’s navy blue duffle bag. 

“And your baby bag,” Maggie said and set her diaper bag down on one of the armchairs. 

“Thanks, guys,” Kara said with a grin. “Lena’s just kind of in active--” 

“Oh god, oh god!” Lena cut her off, instantly squeezing all the life out of Kara’s hand as another contraction seared through her. 

“We should go, right?” Maggie whispered to Alex. 

“It’s up to you, Lena,” Dr. Wheeler said. 

“I don’t care, just get the baby _out_!” 

“I can see the head, keep pushing, you’re doing great.” 

Alex and Maggie huddled over by Kara’s side, all three of them cheering Lena on and reassuring her as she cried. Her face was bright red, beads of sweat and long trails of tears dripped down her forehead and cheeks. It felt as if her whole body was on fire; as if she were quickly burning to death, only there was no end in sight. 

“Lena, you’re crowning,” Dr. Wheeler said. “Give me another big push, you’re almost there.” 

“I can’t,” Lena sobbed as she shook her head. “I can’t, Kara, I can’t.” 

“Yes, you can,” Kara said. She wiped away Lena’s tears with the pad of her thumb, cupping Lena’s cheek in her hand. “And you’re so close, only a few more pushes, okay? I know you can do it.” 

“It hurts too much,” Lena whimpered, helplessly looking up at her. 

“Just keep squeezing my hand,” Kara instructed. “Take it all out on me.” 

“You can squeeze mine too,” Alex offered. “I’m a lot stronger than my sister, you can be as harsh as you want.” 

That managed to get Lena to laugh through her tears. She nodded and Alex quickly walked around the bed so she could stand at her other side, taking Lena’s sweaty hand in hers and smiling as she squeezed it reassuringly. 

“Okay, Lena, I’m gonna need you to push as hard as you can,” Dr. Wheeler said firmly. 

And that was just what Lena did. Her screams ripped through her lungs as she squeezed Alex and Kara’s hands, physically throwing herself forward to push. She could feel her body being split apart, the endeavor drawing out the sound of Dr. Wheeler and her friends telling her to keep going. She felt every bit of it, every bit of her daughter’s head burning her skin as it shifted through her, of her person tearing in half. And when she saw the look of release on everyone’s face and the pain almost began to recede, she knew her daughter was finally out. 

Lena fell back against the pillow, her sobs finally stopping as she breathed a pained sigh of relief. She waited for the sound of crying to grace her ears as her eyes fell shut, but all she could hear was the murmur of doctors, the umbilical cord being cut, and the door to her room opening. 

“Dr. Robbins, finally.” It was Dr. Wheeler’s voice. “She’s not breathing.” 

“Alright, start chest compressions, I’m gonna bag her. I need everyone that isn’t immediate family out of the room.” 

“No,” Lena whispered. Her eyes fluttered open and she lazily turned her head to see her baby lying on a small, infant-sized examination table. Dr. Wheeler compressed her chest while Dr. Robbins inserted a bag-valve ventilator into her mouth, squeezing it every few seconds to breathe for her. 

All Lena could see was the tip of her miniature head, her body hidden away by the doctors. Her face was blue and purple, her figure so small Lena was sure she could hold her in just one hand. 

“Kara, what’s happening?” 

Kara bit her lip, unable to look Lena in the eyes as her own tears began to fall. “She uh… she wasn’t breathing,” she said, unable to get the words out without crying. “They’re trying to resuscitate her.” 

“No,” Lena sniffled, her voice small and filled with fear. “No… my baby…” 

The door then opened once more and in came two men in scrubs, rolling in a portable incubator. 

“Okay, she’s stable for now. On my count, lift her,” Dr. Robbins instructed. “One, two, up.” 

Lena gasped as they picked her up, catching a glimpse of her daughter’s full body as the doctors carried her across the room and gently placed her in the incubator. It wasn’t just her face that was blue, her whole body was discolored-- her whole body which could only be ten inches at most. 

“Is… is she alive?” Lena asked, her words breaking Kara’s heart into pieces. 

“She’s alive,” Dr. Robbins said. “But we have to take her to the NICU right now, I’ll send an intern to update you as soon as possible.” 

“Okay,” Lena whimpered, although everything Dr. Robbins had said went right over her head. It was all happening so fast, she didn’t have even a second to process it. 

Nobody said anything else as the baby was taken out of her room. Kara just sat at her side, squeezing Lena’s hand as they both cried. At one point, she snaked her arm behind Lena’s back and pulled her limp body up, holding her close so Lena could feel the warmth of Kara’s body against hers. Lena buried her head in Kara’s chest, sobbing into her shirt for what felt like hours. 

She just couldn’t take it. All the things she’d had nightmares about, that she’d promised herself would never happen, it was all coming true. Only now, Lena was completely powerless. She couldn’t change her diet, she couldn’t take extra precautions or go on bed rest. Her baby was out and alive and hurting, and there was nothing she could do to help her. 

Lena was so distraught she didn’t even notice when the nurses came in to clean up her room. Or when a plastic surgeon entered with a suture kit so he could administer stitches to the spots where her skin had torn. He’d quietly explained the procedure and what he’d do, assuring her that it was simple and quick, and that after everything she’d done to push out her baby, she probably wouldn’t even feel a thing. Lena had barely glanced in his direction to acknowledge him before turning back to Kara, who began to hold her even tighter as Lena’s cries turned into physically pained ones, and not just emotionally distressed. 

“Do you want me to go check with one of the nurses?” Kara asked after a little while. “See if there are any updates?” 

Lena shook her head, inching herself even closer to Kara so there were no remaining gaps between them.

“No,” she rasped. “I just… I need you, please don’t go.” 

Kara nodded and pressed a gentle kiss to her hairline. “I won’t, I’m right here.” 

“Can you ask Alex… o- or Maggie?” Lena asked. 

“Of course,” Kara said. She took her phone out of her pocket, continuing to hold Lena as she typed out a text to her sister. 

_Baby is in the NICU, Lena’s devastated. Can you check the nurse’s station for updates?_

Alex responded almost instantly, telling her she’d do it now and to give Lena a hug for her. 

“Alex is gonna talk to the nurses for you,” Kara said, tucking a stray piece of Lena’s hair behind her ear. “She says to give you a hug for her.” 

Lena nodded, managing a small smile. 

“And if Alex gets to see her, I bet she’ll send pictures, or maybe we can facetime so the baby can hear your voice,” Kara suggested. 

Lena nodded once more but didn’t say a word. All she wanted was to see her daughter, to see her in person and hold her close, to tell her it was all going to be okay and comfort her the way a mother was supposed to do for their child. But she hadn’t even gotten to see her face up close. Lena didn’t know what color eyes she had or whether or not she had any hair. 

Her baby didn’t know what Lena looked like either. She didn’t know who her mom was or if she even had one. All she knew was doctors and tubes down her throat, she knew the NICU and the sound of her mom sobbing as she was taken away. The short few hours she’d been alive, she’d had no one by her side but doctors. 

And maybe it was just her hormones being thrown out of whack or Lena being a pessimist, but thinking about only getting to see her daughter through her cell phone made Lena feel as if she’d already accepted defeat. 

“But we don’t have to talk about it now, I know you’re exhausted,” Kara said as she ran her fingers through Lena’s hair. 

“Thank you.” 

“And if you need space or time alone to rest, I won’t be offended if you ask me to leave.” 

Lena bit her lip, slowly lifting her head from Kara’s chest so she could look her in the eye. 

“Do you want to go?” She asked. “You can if you’d like, I- I just… I don’t know.” 

“No, but you just had a baby and literally nothing is going the way you planned, so if you want me to, I get it.” 

Lena sighed, letting her head drop to Kara’s chest once more. 

“I just had a baby,” she muttered, her voice breaking. “I can’t be alone…” 

Kara nodded, resting her chin on the top of Lena’s head. “Then I’m right here. For as long as you need.”

“Thank you, Kara.” 

“Of course.”

* * *

“Hey, I think that’s Alex,” Kara whispered, the sound of her voice and a quiet knock on the door pulling Lena out of her thoughts. “You want to see her now?” 

A nod. 

“You can come in!” 

The door opened and Alex stepped inside, shutting it quietly behind her. 

“Hey… Lena, I talked to the doctors for you,” she said, smiling sadly as she made her way over to Lena’s bed. 

“Dr. Robbins said she’ll be in to update you in a minute anyway, but we can go over it now too if you’d like.”

Another nod. 

“Okay. Well, the good news is, there aren’t any huge complications. The baby’s slightly jaundice but they said some time in the incubator should clear that up without any problems. She’s ventilated right now still, but again, all preemies born that early have to be.” 

“And the bad news?” Lena asked, doing her best to mentally prepare herself for the worst. 

“There’s uh… there’s a small hole in her heart. Normally, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal since they can close on their own, but um... because of her size, it isn’t great.” 

“Oh my…” Lena turned her head away from Alex. She turned her head to the side and gazed at the wall, pursing her lips into a tight line, silent tears falling as she stared straight ahead of her. 

“Alex, can you give us a minute?” Kara asked, seeing Lena begin to retreat within herself. 

“Yeah, of course,” Alex said. She smiled reassuringly and waved over at them before leaving Kara and Lena alone. 

“I just… I just wanted one good thing,” Lena said once she was gone, her voice cold and hollow. “Just… just one good thing.” 

She sniffled and choked back a sob, unable to meet Kara’s eyes. “I- I thought I could be a good mom, that I-- that I could h- have this baby and not mess her up.” 

“Lena, honey, this isn’t your fault,” Kara said softly. “There’s no way this could be your fault.” 

Lena shook her head. “I- I was gonna testify against Lex. I thought maybe just _once_ I’d be capable of doing good for the greater population, but I- I went into fucking labor because I couldn’t take the stress. And now I’m the monster who endangered her own daughter. You know, not even Lex Luthor put a baby's life on the line. That was all me.” 

“This is not on you, nobody could’ve predicted this, okay? You did everything right?” 

“Then why would this happen?” 

Lena buried her face in Kara’s chest and cried, the sobs wreaking her body. Kara held her tightly, rubbing her back as she whispered reassurances she could only hope Lena would internalize. 

“I just want my baby,” Lena wept. “I just want to hold her.” 

“You will,” Kara said, her own tears falling as she stroked Lena’s hair. “You’re gonna see her, Lena, you’re gonna get to hold her.” 

“I have to.”

Kara nodded, swallowing the lump rising to the top of her throat. “I know, baby, you will. She’s gonna love you so much, more than anything in the world.” 

That just made Lena cry even harder. She clung to Kara as she bawled, the heaviness in her chest telling her the feeling would never subside. That she’d be like this forever, clinging to a reality that didn’t exist, hoping and hoping only to be let down like she always was. She’d let herself be happy and this is what had happened, it all came crumbling down. It always did. And it was only a matter of time before she lost Kara too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo the baby's here  
> feel free to yell at me in the comments, I know this one hurt  
> and if you have any name guesses, i'd love to hear those too :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lena meets and names her baby. kara surprises her with something nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i literally am so behind on my school work because I can NOT stop writing this, so I really hope this chapter is worth it

Lena was stubborn. She was stubborn and exhausted and angry at the world-- angry at herself for messing up and angry at the doctors for taking her daughter away, even though she knew they were just doing their job. 

So when her doctor came to examine her after Dr. Robbins’ last update, she insisted she was going to the NICU to see her baby. She didn’t care that she was only a few hours postpartum or that she still needed time to recover. Lena would’ve ripped out her IV and marched across the hospital in her paper-thin gown to see her daughter on her own if it had been up to her. She told Dr. Wheeler that she was a Luthor and she was  _ not _ going to let a little pain stop her. And somehow, after ten minutes of negotiation and the reluctant acceptance that she’d have to be in a wheelchair since she had, in fact, pushed an entire human out of herself, Dr. Wheeler agreed to take her and Kara up to the NICU. 

“There she is,” she said as she stopped Lena’s chair by a large closed box incubator, Kara standing close by her side. 

Lena didn’t say a word back. She simply set her hand against one of the clear walls, allowing herself to examine her daughter for the first time, a sense of relief and panic both flooding over her at the sight. 

“She’s so tiny,” Lena whispered, tears filling her eyes. 

The baby was no longer blue, instead, her skin had a slight yellowish tint. There was black fuzz at the top of her head, her hair almost the exact same color as Lena’s. She had a button nose and chubby little cheeks. Her brows were knitted together, her face almost appearing focused despite her unconscious state. All her mesmerizing features were just about enough to distract Lena from the vent between her lips or NG tube inserted in her nose. 

“She’s two and a half pounds,” Dr. Wheeler commented. “Right where she should be for twenty-eight weeks.” 

“She’s perfect,” Lena said after a moment. “So perfect.” 

“She’s got your hair. And that expression is all you,” Kara said, smiling down at Lena. “She’s gonna have a big personality when she gets bigger.”

Lena chuckled, tracing the outline of her daughter's body. She would get bigger, she tried to remind herself. She had to get bigger. 

“I know you never really talked about it, but do you know what you’re gonna name her?” Kara asked. 

Lena paused, looking up at Dr. Wheeler who right away picked up on her cue and excused herself to go check on another patient. 

“I uh… I’ve had a few ideas. I know for sure I’m not giving her an  _ L _ name. I don’t want her to carry that legacy, not if she doesn’t have to.”

Lena held her breath, taking a moment as she tilted her head and watched her daughter's chest slowly rise and fall.

“There is one person though… someone I’ve been thinking of naming her after,” Lena confessed. She looked up at Kara and smiled sadly, letting her hand fall into her lap. “My mom. Not Lillian, but my birth mom.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Kara said softly. 

Lena rubbed her collar bone as she gazed at her baby, thinking back to her mom's work apron sprawled across the kitchen table and name tag discarded beside it, back at their little old house in the middle of the countryside.

“Her name was Orla. It’s Irish… in Gaelic, it means golden princess.” 

“Oh, that’s beautiful, Lena.” 

Lena nodded, smiling happily at her baby as she absentmindedly reached for Kara’s hand. It was all finally starting to feel real. She could actually see her baby, she wasn’t just a whir in Lena’s imagination, she was right there, right in front of her. And maybe things with Kara were too good to be true. They probably were. But for now, while for once, things were alright, Lena would try to let herself enjoy it. After all, she had everything she’d ever need at her side, just Kara and her baby. They were her whole world. The thought alone was enough to make her eyes well up with tears, for what had to be the hundredth time that day. 

“I’m sorry, I’m really hormonal right now,” she said with a pathetic laugh when Kara noticed her start to cry. 

“It’s alright. Just look at you two, it’s hard not to cry at perfection,” Kara said and grinned back at her. 

“I guess you’re right,” Lena said, tearfully smiling so wide her cheeks began to ache. “I know things aren’t great, but I… she’s alive and I- I’m so happy t- that she’s okay. And you’re here and I--”

Lena wiped her eyes, hiccuping as she put her hand back up against the incubator. 

“It’s a lot, you don’t have to explain yourself,” Kara said. She knelt down beside Lena, asking before pulling her into a hug. 

“I also… I wanted to ask you something,” Lena said, doing her best to pull herself together as she leaned into Kara’s embrace. 

“What is it?”

“Well, since you were the first one to know about her… and the first one to really care about her and me... I was wondering, would you want to pick her middle name?” 

“Seriously?” Kara asked, unable to believe what she was hearing. 

Lena nodded. “You don’t have to. You’ve just been there with us through everything. And I- I really want her to have a piece of you. If that’s okay.” 

“I’d be honored,” Kara said. 

She stepped closer to the incubator, looking through the clear walls at Orla, who lay flat on her back with her arms bent by her head, her tiny hands forming the smallest fists Kara had ever seen. 

“What about Mae?” She asked. “I always thought about using it if I ever had a daughter, but she’s just so perfect... I think she should have it.” 

“I love it,” Lena breathed. She smiled tearfully, wheeling herself closer to the baby so she was only inches away from the incubator wall separating them. “Hey, Orla Mae, I’m your mommy.” 

She choked back a sob as she laughed, unable to contain her emotions at all. “I love you so much.” 

Kara beamed from ear to ear, wrapping her arm around Lena once more and put her hand on the wall next to her friends. 

“You did that,” she whispered, her voice full of pride. “You made that perfect baby.” 

Lena nodded and let her head fall to Kara’s shoulder, their bodies fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. 

“I did that,” she repeated with a grin. “I did that.”

* * *

“Lena, you gave birth fourteen hours ago, don’t you think you should give yourself a minute to relax?” 

Lena shook her head. “This is too important. I’m supposed to be in Metropolis right now, I’m supposed to testify against Lex  _ tomorrow _ . I need to do this now.” 

“What are you doing anyway?” Maggie asked, pulling up a chair next to Lena’s bed and taking a seat beside her. 

“Trying to get in contact with the judge. This would all be a lot easier if I still had a lawyer, but I don’t anymore, so I’m figuring it out myself.” 

“Figuring what out exactly?”

Lena sighed. “I obviously can’t speak in person, so I’m trying to see if they’ll let me send in a video statement. I already wrote what I want to say, but I don’t just want to send in a letter-- it isn’t enough, I need Lex to hear me.” 

She shut her laptop and looked up at Maggie, large dark circles hanging beneath her eyes. “And I… I need your help with something, but we have to do it soon because if I stop thinking about all this, I’m going to start panicking about Orla and I… I really can’t do that right now.” 

Maggie nodded. “Okay, what do you need help with?” 

“I uh, I’m having trouble finding a… a therapist,” Lena admitted, her voice low and bashful. “I just-- I don’t know how to look for one. And the doctors gave me referrals for ones that specialize in working with NICU moms but I… I think I need something broader.” 

“Oh,” Maggie said. “Yeah, I can help with that. Let’s start with something easy, would you feel comfortable talking to someone who isn’t a woman, or would you only feel safe with a female therapist?” 

“I don’t think I could talk to a man,” Lena admitted. “Anything else is fine, though.” 

“Alright. What about someone who has experience working with LGBTQ people, is that helpful?” 

Lena bit down on the inside of her mouth but nodded after a moment of hesitation. She wasn’t sure about it yet, but the things she’d thought about Kara, they probably weren’t straight. So it couldn’t hurt to have a therapist who’d be okay with that, right?

“I suppose that would be preferred,” Lena said. 

Maggie smiled back at her, almost as if she knew something Lena didn’t. 

“Anything other specifics you’d want?” Maggie asked. 

Lena shrugged, but offered up some ideas. They spent about twenty minutes together talking and looking online for counselors in the area. Lena was hesitant at first. She was okay with the hypothetical when it was just an idea to be contemplated. But as soon as they started looking at different options,  _ real _ options, she started to retreat back into her shell. Maggie was persistent, though. She always gave Lena the option to back out but continued to remind her the voice telling her not to go for it was Lillian's, not hers. And after some time, Lena had sent out an email to Kelly Olsen, a psychiatrist located thirty minutes outside of Midvale, asking if she had any openings in the upcoming week. 

Lena wasn’t sure how to feel about sending the email. She’d never been one to reach out for help in the past, and if she was being honest, she really wasn’t ready to start. Maggie, however, said it was a big step in the right direction, that it was something she should be proud of. Lena wasn’t sure whether or not to believe her. After all the things she’d messed up, she couldn’t find a single thing in her to be proud of that wasn’t her daughter.

But she didn’t argue. She didn’t have the energy anymore. She didn’t seem to have the energy for anything at all. So for the moment, she’d let it be. She could always mull it over again later. 

* * *

Lena’s plan to throw herself into her work so far she’d forget reality only was only successful for so long. Worry always found a way to creep back in, stinging reminders of how badly she’d failed. 

She remained in her room all day, just waiting for updates on Orla. Kara came in and out. She stayed when Lena asked, but tried to give her space, something she knew Lena would never ask for on her own. 

At one point when she came back, Lena was sitting in bed, her computer still open on her lap as she stared blankly in front of her. 

“Hey,” Kara said, quietly shutting the door behind her. “I brought dinner if you’re hungry.” 

Lena frowned and shook her head. 

“Okay… do you want me to go? I can come back later if you want to be alone right now.” 

Lena shook her head once more. “No… no… I- I want you to stay,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Kara smiled softly. She set down her takeout bag on Lena’s dresser and walked over to her, stopping when she got to her bed. 

“Can I sit with you?” 

Lena nodded. She cringed as she scooted over to make room for Kara, the soreness shooting through her lower body at the movement. Releasing a breath, Lena leaned into Kara and took a hold of her hand. She was too tired to talk, but she needed Kara to know she wanted her there. Or maybe she just  _ needed _ Kara. Lena couldn’t be sure. 

“So, I know you’re pretty worn out, but I put together a surprise for you,” Kara said, offering a warm smile. “Unfortunately, it’s kind of big, so I can’t bring it to you, but I’d be happy to take you to it.” 

Lena sighed, burrowing her head into the crook of Kara’s neck. She’d always hated surprises. They were never anything good. And with her luck, especially with Orla, she knew this could only blow up in her face.

“I know you aren’t the biggest fan of this kind of thing, but I promise, this surprise is a good one,” Kara reassured her. “No jump scares, nothing loud, and I won’t even blindfold you.” 

“I- I don’t know, Kara…” 

“It’s okay, we don’t have to do it now.” 

Lena nodded, picking up Kara’s hand and fidgeting with her fingers the way she normally did to her own. It would be nice to get out of the room, though. To see something other than medical equipment and grey walls Lena thought to herself. But then, she remembered the reason she was here, and the guilt was strong enough that she couldn’t even consider deserving anything more.

“Maybe later, love.”

“Okay, we’ll revisit it tomorrow.” 

Lena managed a slight smile as Kara wrapped her arms around her. She laid back against the bed, holding Lena as she moved. Lena rested her head on Kara’s chest, laying one arm over Kara’s stomach to hug her back. She was so soft, so tender. Lena was sure she could’ve stayed in Kara’s arms forever. Kara felt the same way, wishing she could do something to take all of Lena’s pain away as she gently kissed the top of her head. Finally, Lena relaxed against her. She let a wavering breath, physically deflating in Kara’s arms.

They sat in silence like for a little while, only speaking when they checked in with one another every so often.

And eventually, Lena’s voice faded out entirely. Kara assumed she’d fallen asleep on top of her. But really Lena was wide awake, tears burning in her eyes as she struggled not to cry.

She felt so safe in Kara’s arms, so loved and desired. She’d let Kara hold her so often that recently she'd started to crave her touch when they were apart. Now, she laid with Kara’s arms around her, blonde hair falling into her face and Kara’s college hoodie over her hospital gown. It hurt so much, but all she could think about was what would happen when it all crumbled down. 

Lena wanted nothing more than to silence the voices in her head, the ones that told her Orla wouldn’t be okay and Kara was going to leave eventually. They were just so loud, so powerful. So much stronger than Lena ever could be. 

“Kara?” Lena asked eventually, clearing her throat at the raw sound in her voice. 

“Yeah?” 

“You uh, you planned a surprise for me?” Lena said, cringing at the way the words sounded out loud. She just needed to get out, she needed some sort of distraction before she imploded on herself all over again. 

“Yeah, are you ready to see it?” 

“I think so.” 

Kara beamed from ear to ear at that response. She practically jumped out of bed so she could grab a nurse, knowing she’d probably get in a  _ lot _ of trouble if she took Lena out of her room on her own. 

They ended up going up to the NICU together, Kara pushing Lena’s wheelchair through the rows of incubators and baby warmers. They made their way over to Orla’s incubator, where Kara stopped them, holding her breath as she waited for Lena’s reaction.

“Kara…” Lena breathed, unable to comprehend what she was seeing. She held her hand up over her mouth, letting out a sob as she took it all in. “Kara… you-- you did this?” 

Kara nodded. “Alex and Maggie helped me set it up, that’s why we kept disappearing all day. I hope you're not mad,” she explained with a nervous smile. 

“I-- Kara, how could I be mad?” Lena asked. “This-- this is incredible.” 

A green and white quilt decorated with different zoo animals had been draped over the top of the incubator, Orla’s full name and birthday hand stitched by Eliza in the corner. Tissue paper flowers and leaves had been taped to the incubator walls and around her IV pole. Lena even spotted a few cut-outs of monkeys and giraffes poking out behind the petals. And where Orla’s identification sticker with all her information was, a piece of blue construction paper had been hung beside it with the words  _ tiny but mighty _ written in big, loopy letters. 

“This is-- I don’t even know what to say… just… god this is amazing,” Lena stammered. “Thank you, Kara.  _ You _ are amazing.” 

Kara smiled, her cheeks turning a bright red at Lena’s words. “You’ve just been so overwhelmed, I wanted to do something to brighten the mood.” 

Lena chuckled and wiped her eyes, losing the ability to form a coherent sentence, she was so shocked. 

“And I know Orla’s sight hasn’t developed fully yet, but when she opens her eyes, I thought it would be nice for her to have something happy waiting for her,” Kara explained. “But of course, I also wanted to see you happy, too.” 

Lena nodded, wheeling herself up to the incubator and setting her hand on the clear wall. She wished more than anything that her baby could know how loved she was, that she could see all Kara had done for her, for  _ them. _

“I wish I could hold her,” Lena whispered with a bittersweet smile, tears falling freely down her cheeks. “I… I wish I could show her this.” 

“You’ll get to soon,” Kara said softly, placing a steady hand on Lena’s shoulder. 

“I just love her so much, you know? I hate that she has to go through this.” 

“I know.”

As she began to chew her bottom lip, Lena glanced up at Kara. “You really are helping so much, though. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you.”

Kara nodded, brushing it off like it was nothing. “Don’t worry about it, we’re all pitching in for you.” 

“What-- what do you mean by that?”

“Well everyone's been buying you stuff from the baby registry. Alex and Maggie already got an infant car seat, and they’re gonna come by tomorrow with some preemie clothes for Orla. And Eliza just ordered that fancy stroller you wanted but decided not to get because of how much it costs,” Kara said. “Oh-- and Maggie’s got some coworkers with kids, she said she can ask around and see if anyone has an old high chair or anything else you might need.”

“They-- what?” Lena was left speechless as she looked from Kara to Orla, then back at Kara. “Wh- why? Why would you guys do all that?” 

“Because, we’re your friends,” Kara said as if it were the most simple thing in the world. “You just focus on her, we’ll take care of the rest.” 

“Kara,” Lena laughed tearfully and wiped her eyes, unable to form any sort of cohesive sentence, she was so overcome with emotion. “Kara you-- this-- you’re insane!” 

“A good insane, I’d hope.”

“Yes! A good insane. I just-- I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Kara knelt down beside her, taking Lena’s hands in hers. “Okay? Just let us love you.” 

Lena nodded. “Okay,” she cried and let herself fall into Kara’s arms. 

“I’ve got you, it’s okay,” Kara whispered as she rubbed Lena’s back. “It’s all gonna be okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, feel free to yell at me  
> also the lex stuff will be taken care of!! I'm not gonna leave you guys hanging with that


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena testifies against Lex, and is discharged from the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning- anxiety attack 
> 
> also, i left out the scene where lena gives her statement against lex. the before and after is still there, but her testimony included specific accounts of abuse, so I didn't want to include it. this is mostly just bc putting up descriptive statements on her trauma made me uncomfortable and i don't want this fic to be explicit or triggering.  
> but yeah, i hope the chapter still works well without it

“Hey, I think Orla got bigger overnight,” Kara said, smiling as she walked into Lena’s room. 

“Oh really?” Lena quirked an eyebrow. 

Kara nodded. “Yup. I’d even go far enough as to say she’s having her first growth spurt.” 

Lena laughed, shaking her head at Kara’s absurdity. “I think we’ve got a few years before that happens,” she said. “But I do hope she’s getting bigger. She’s so scrappy right now.” 

“She’ll get there,” Kara said confidently. She sat down on the edge of Lena’s bed and grinned, looking her up and down so she could get a good look at what would’ve been her court day outfit. “You look really nice.” 

“Thanks, so do you.” 

Lena had spent all morning preparing for her virtual testimony against Lex. She was on strict bed rest, which she’d have to continue after she was discharged, but as always, she tried her hardest to push through. She’d straightened her hair, done her makeup, then dressed in a black blouse and red blazer (and pajama pants, which Lena hoped nobody would see). It was the first time since moving to Midvale that Lena even somewhat resembled her old self. 

It was bittersweet in a way. Part of her felt like she could jump out of bed and direct the whole hospital. She was strong enough to command Orla’s entire team of doctors to fall in line and report back to her with every bit of news they got, no matter how small. It made Lena feel so powerful; as if she were on top of the world. 

But then, Lena thought about what the whole thing really meant, and she believed she couldn’t be weaker. It all reminded her of how much she’d lost when she’d left Metropolis. Her company, her business connections, and penthouse towering over the city. At the same time though, it also served as a physical representation of much she’d gained now that she had Orla and Kara. It was all very conflicting, however, for once, Lena knew she’d made the right choice in leaving. Even if it still wasn’t easy all the time. 

“So, how do you feel? Are you ready?” Kara asked, smiling hopefully. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever really be ready,” Lena admitted. “But I’m less nervous than I thought I would be. I think knowing I don’t have to see Lex face to face, that there’s nothing he can pull… that helps.” 

Kara nodded. “Yeah. And you get to come home later today, it’ll probably be nicer to be back there than a hotel.” 

“Perhaps,” Lena said, her gaze shifting away from Kara. If she was being honest though, she really wasn’t ready to leave. Sure, she hated the hospital, she hated the sense of impending doom she got lying in bed all day, listening to the sound of her heart beeping on the monitor (and that whenever Kara entered the room, they could both hear her heartbeat pick up its pace). 

But even though ordinarily she would’ve been bursting with excitement at the thought of being discharged, she knew when she left, she wouldn’t get to see Orla. Not while she was still on bed rest, having to check her blood pressure every ten minutes to make sure it didn’t spike again the way it had when she was in labor.

Now, Orla was only a short elevator ride away. And even if she couldn’t go herself, Kara was always willing to get up and check on Orla for her. At home, Lena wouldn’t have that. The hospital was almost an hour away, an hour and a half if they got caught up in traffic. If god forbid something were to happen and they were at home, Lena would never be able to forgive herself. 

“When I get back to work, would you teach me how to be a mechanic?” She asked to quickly change the subject. “I’m not pregnant anymore so you don’t have to worry about me getting hurt. And I’ve picked up a lot from watching you, I think you might be surprised.” 

“Yeah, I can teach you all my tricks,” Kara said with a grin. “But you’ve got a baby now, so you still have to be careful.” 

“I will. But I’m glad, I think we’d make a good team.” 

“We would,” Kara agreed. “We’d be a dream team.” 

“Fuck,” Lena muttered, catching a glance at her watch. “I- my zoom with the judge is in five minutes.” 

“Oh. Do you want me to stay, or should I go?” 

Lena bit her lip and paused for a moment. “Could you… I- I think I should be alone for this,” she said. “I’m sorry, I just-- I don’t know what they’re gonna ask me and I-- in my statement, I mean, there’s just… stuff… about what Lex used to do to me and I… I don’t know if I’m ready to tell you.” 

“I understand,” Kara said. “You never have to tell me these things, not if you don’t want to.”

She took Lena’s hand in hers, giving it a squeeze as she smiled reassuringly. “So whatever you want, that’s what we’ll do.” 

Lena nodded, a weight lifting off her chest at Kara’s response. 

“You don’t want to watch?” Lena asked, almost unable to comprehend Kara’s answer.

“If it makes you uncomfortable, no,” Kara said and shook her head. “And anyway I’ve been thinking about impulsive splurging at the gift shop. You won’t just be hanging me out to dry.” 

“Okay, well, remember that house you’re buying. Don’t spend all your money on those giant ‘ _it’s a girl’_ balloons.” 

Kara scoffed, acting shocked that Lena would even insinuate she’d do such a thing. “First of all, I’ll have you know, I was going to buy the _congratulations_ balloons. Maybe now, I’ll only get something for Orla, I bet she’d appreciate the balloons,” she said, folding her arms over her chest to look as serious as possible. 

“I think Orla might be a little too sophisticated for balloons,” Lena pointed out, causing Kara’s jaw to drop in pretend horror. “She is a Luthor, after all. We have a very refined taste.” 

“No one’s too sophisticated for balloons!” 

“Yeah, you’re right I guess,” Lena said with a laugh. “But get out of here or I’m gonna be late.” 

“Okay, I love you,” Kara said as she stood up, reluctantly letting go of Lena’s hand. 

“I love you too.”

* * *

“I think she got bigger, don’t you?” 

Alex tilted her head to the side to get a closer look at Orla through the incubator but shrugged, unable to see any difference. “It’s hard to tell. I think she’s definitely gaining weight though.” 

“Probably, she’s got a little belly now, too,” Kara agreed. 

After 36 hours, the doctors had determined Orla was strong enough to be taken off the ventilator. They started her on oxygen therapy, took out the NJ tube going through her nose, and replaced it with a G tube on her stomach. It was a big improvement, the doctors had to remind Lena that some preemies spent up to six weeks ventilated and that Orla being taken off hers so soon was a very good sign. 

“I just hope she really starts to grow soon,” Kara said, frowning as she looked back at the baby. “Eliza says she still can’t find clothes small enough to fit her. I just want to dress her up, I feel so bad seeing her in just a diaper.” 

“She’ll get there. As you said, she’s already got a belly.” 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“Hey, you okay?” Alex asked, picking up on her sister's dissonance. 

Kara nodded. “Yeah, I should be.” 

She looked down at her lap and picked at her nails, chewing her lip as she thought about Lena, sitting in her room on a zoom call with the judge. Then Orla, who wasn’t even Kara’s daughter, but was now constantly on her mind. She just loved them both so much, she could never seem to turn her brain off. 

“Right?” Kara asked. “I-- it’s all Lena’s stuff, it makes sense for her to be worried, she’s the one who has to deal with it. Why am I?”

“Because you care about her, Kara,” Alex said softly. “If Maggie were the one in her shoes-- god, you know I’d be a mess.” 

“But Lena’s not Maggie,” Kara said.

“Yeah, obviously she--” 

“No, I mean, you and Maggie, you’re together. You’re a couple, you love each other,” Kara explained. “And I… I feel like I feel the same way about Lena that you…” 

Kara stopped herself and shook her head, trying her best to gather her thoughts so she could form a coherent sentence. “What I’m trying to say is…”

Another pause as Kara looked back at Orla. She knew at this point, there was no denying it. It had become so obvious even she herself couldn’t keep running from it. She’d thought she could at first but the more she tried to push it down, the more the feelings continued to get stronger. So maybe it would help to tell someone, even if that person wasn’t Lena. 

“No… I think-- I think I do feel about Lena the way you feel for Maggie,” Kara confessed. “I don’t know why. Well, I do know why, she’s incredible. But it’s not even only that. I know I like her but it… it’s more than just liking her.” 

"It's like... I'm constantly thinking about her. Everything reminds me of her and I- I get so happy when I know I get to be with her," she said dreamily. "And I don't know... I probably shouldn't feel that way. But she's-- it's more then just like a high school crush. I don't know what it is, but it's just _there_ , it's always there and I can't get rid of it, but I don't think I want to get rid of it, which is even worse." 

“Kara, you’re in love with her,” Alex said. “That’s why you’re so invested, you don’t just like her anymore, and you don’t just love her either. You’re in love.” 

Kara twirled a piece of hair around her finger. 

“And trust me, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She feels the same way.” 

“What am I supposed to do? Do I tell her?” Kara asked. 

“It’s up to you. But I think you should go for it.”

* * *

Kara shut the door to Lena’s room, her giant pink balloons getting caught as she made her way through the room. 

Lena had her back to Kara, she sat on the edge of her bed, tugging her hair out of its tight ponytail. From where she stood a few feet away, Kara could already hear her labored breathing and choked backed cries. 

“Hey-- hey, Lena, what’s wrong?” Kara asked, tentatively taking a step forward. 

“I n- need to get it off,” Lena said, her voice stiff and strained. “I can’t-- I need to get it off.” 

“Okay, let me help,” Kara said softly. She quickly walked over to Lena and pulled her shaky hands away from her hair. Carefully, she then removed the ponytail holder and slipped it onto her wrist, letting Lena’s hair fall messily at her shoulders. 

Once she was done, Lena grabbed a tissue from off her bedside. She rubbed it against her lips, her lipstick smearing all over her chin. 

“Lena, hey, what’s going on?” Kara asked, trying to get her to focus. 

“I need to get it all off,” Lena cried, aimlessly rubbing the tissue against her face so hard it turned her skin bright red. “Everything from before, from Metropolis a- and my old life, I-- I need to get rid of it.” 

“Okay, just slow down,” Kara said softly. “You’ve got makeup wipes in your overnight bag, I can get them.”

“H- he could see me, the whole time he could see me,” Lena explained, running her hands against her scalp as she cried. “H- he could see me, and I- I need to change.” 

Kara nodded, dragging a folding chair up to Lena’s bed and taking a seat beside her. 

“Here, can I help?” She whispered. When Lena gave her the okay, Kara gently pried her hands away from her face, cupping her cheek in her palm as she used the makeup wipes to clean Lena’s face. 

It all felt so dirty. Lex had seen her, he’d seen her in her old Metropolis style clothes, looking just like the woman she’d been almost seven months ago. And now he’d crept back inside, filling her with dirt and sludge and poison.

“Is it better?” 

Kara nodded. “I’m almost done, there’s just some mascara left.”

“O-okay.”

Lena closed her eyes as Kara continued to clean her face. It helped to an extent, but she knew no matter what she did, it wouldn’t go away. Lena would never be able to scrub him off entirely. All she could do now was take the sweater off and clean her face until there were no longer any traces of the makeup he’d seen her in. She’d wash her hair so her natural waves would come back and throw out the hair tie she’d been wearing when he saw her. It wouldn’t be enough, Lena was sure of that, but she had to do it. It was the only thing better than nothing at all. 

“It’s all off,” Kara said eventually. 

“All of it?” Lena asked, running her hand against her cheek to be sure. “Y- you’re sure it’s all gone?” 

“It’s all gone, I promise.” 

“Okay…”

Lena frantically looked around the room as she desperately tried to catch her breath. Her heart rate had escalated so quickly her monitor was beeping like crazy. The noise made it all so much worse. Lena had to get out, it was the only thing she could be sure of. She _had_ to get out. 

“Lena,” Kara said, grabbing her hand to get her attention. “You’re alright, just tell me what you need and I’ll do it. Do you need me to get the doctor?” 

“No.” Lena shook her head. “Clothes-- I- I need new clothes.” 

“Okay, I can get them, just try to breathe for me.” 

Kara ran to the other end of the room, grabbing Lena’s overnight bag and bringing it back over to her. She took out her college hoodie and handed it to Lena, who managed to thank her through her sobs.

With shaky hands, she tried to pull off her sweater. But the tears blurred her vision and everything felt so wrong, she couldn’t seem to get the movement down right. 

“Do you want me to get it for you?” Kara offered. 

“P- please.” 

“Okay, I’m gonna take it off now,” Kara said. She gently moved Lena’s hands and lifted the sweater up, pulling it up and over Lena’s arms. As soon as it was off, Lena inhaled sharply, feeling the air finally return to her body. For once, it didn’t matter that someone was seeing her body or loose skin covered in stretch marks. She knew Kara wouldn’t judge. But more than anything, Lena needed to feel clean again. And this was the only way to get there. 

“Is that better?” Kara asked once the shirt was off. 

Lena nodded and wiped her eyes, her cries subsiding into quiet whimpers.

“I’m sorry, I thought since I wasn’t going to see him face to face, it would be easy,” Lena explained. “I didn’t realize that just talking about it… that it would make me feel so… so bad.” 

“You don’t need to be sorry. I can’t imagine how scary that must’ve been, it’s okay that you’re upset,” Kara said. She reached up and smoothed out Lena’s hair, Lena instantly melting against her at the touch. 

“Can you come lay with me?” Lena asked after a minute. 

“Sure,” Kara said. She climbed up into bed beside Lena, her college hoodie still discarded on Lena’s lap. But Kara didn’t mention it. Maybe the skin to skin contact was comforting for Lena, maybe she just wanted to feel Kara with her so badly she’d forgotten it was even there. Either way, Kara was fine with it, as long as Lena felt safe.

“Thank you,” Lena breathed, laying her head against Kara’s chest and draping her arm around her stomach. 

“Of course,” Kara responded. She wrapped her arms around Lena as she traced circles around her back with her nail, holding her tightly as Lena began to slowly relax against her. 

“No… thank you, Kara,” Lena said once more. “Not just for this, for all of it. You’re like my hero.”

She managed a soft chuckle and bit her lip, allowing herself to soak up the goodness and love radiating off of Kara, something she so desperately needed after the day she’d had. 

“Well… what are friends for?” 

“You are… the most amazing friend,” Lena said. She intertwined her fingers with Kara’s, her fingers still trembling as she squeezed Kara’s hand. “I’m so lucky to have you.” 

Kara shook her head. “Trust me, I’m the lucky one. You and Orla… you’re everything.” 

Lena couldn’t bring herself to say anything else. She just held Kara a little tighter, hoping she understood that Lena felt the exact same way. Kara ran her fingers through Lena’s hair and reached over, placing a tender kiss on her forehead. And that was when Lena knew, she wasn’t alone in her thinking.

* * *

By the time Kara and Lena finally arrived at home, the sun had set and a gentle night breeze was blowing through the grass. It wasn’t cold outside, but it chilly enough that when Lena saw the goosebumps on Kara’s arms, she draped her jacket over her shoulders.

It took them a while to get back. Mostly because they’d stayed behind at the hospital for hours after Lena was discharged, sitting with Orla for as long as they could. Lena read her picture books and held her hand through the little opening in the incubator wall. She stroked her hair, holding her head as she read so Orla would know she was there. Then Kara gave her a little yellow and white striped hat. Lena carefully slipped it onto Orla’s head, her first real item of clothing. 

After a little while, when Lena finally got too tired to keep reading, she let her head fall to Kara’s shoulder, and Kara sang them both a lullaby. She was pretty sure Lena enjoyed it more than Orla did, but Kara didn’t mind. She loved the feeling of Lena wrapped in her arms with Orla just a small foot away. 

Then, before they left, Lena kissed her hand and softly set it against Orla’s forehead, whispering a quiet goodbye as she stood up by Kara’s side. 

Now, they laid in bed together, side by side, Lena rereading _The Picture of Dorian Gray._ She’d read it twice since Kara got it for her, a gift for their one month of living together anniversary. It had always been one of her favorites, but now, she could never seem to put it down.

Kara was coloring, filling out a Bob Ross adult coloring book Lena had gotten her. It was strangely therapeutic, especially after watching her friend's prolonged hospital stay. 

Neither of them said a word, both of them content in their own headspace. It was the kind of comfortable silence you only get when you’re close enough with someone to know even if you don’t talk, they’ll still be there. Kara and Lena alike seemed to crave that right now. 

Every so often, though, Kara would glance over at Lena, who seemed to be lost in her mind, and smile at her. Sometimes Lena would notice and she’d be pulled into reality for a split second to smile back at Kara. But for the most part, she remained oblivious. Content with the fact that Kara was right at her side, and if she needed to know she was there, she could just glance over at her and remind herself that everything was okay. 

“It’s getting late,” she said at one point, setting her book down on the nightstand. “I think I’m gonna try and get some sleep.” 

Kara nodded. “Yeah, I probably should too.” 

“I uh, I really appreciate you being with me today,” Lena said, turning onto her side so she was facing Kara. 

“Of course, I’ll always be there.” 

Lena bit her lip, her heart rate picking up its pace. Kara was so close, they were mere inches apart. If she leaned over just a little bit, she could do it. Just rip the bandaid off and _do it._

“Can I do something?” She asked, her mouth moving faster than her brain.

“Yeah,” Kara said, and turned her head towards Lena, almost as if she knew. 

Then, without a second thought, Lena rolled over and straddled Kara’s hips with her thighs. She closed her eyes as she bent down, placing her lips on Kara’s. And before she knew it, Kara was kissing her back. The touch sent Lena’s heart straight through her stomach. It was the most satisfying feeling in the world, like finally reaching the big drop at the top of a rollercoaster. Only with this, Lena wasn’t afraid. Kara’s lips were against hers, her hands holding Lena’s cheeks. It wasn’t scary at all, it was everything. Lena never wanted it to end. 

“Is that okay?” She breathed, smiling dreamily as she came up for air. 

“That’s perfect,” Kara whispered, lifting her head to kiss her once more. “You’re perfect.” 

“You liked it?” Lena asked. She almost couldn’t believe it, it seemed too good to be true. 

“I loved it.” 

“Can I… can I do it again?” 

Kara nodded eagerly. “Yes, please do it again.”

Without another word, Lena beamed from ear to ear, kissing Kara once more. And this time, there was absolutely no hesitation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo that was a long time coming how do ya'll feel about the * k i s s *


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lena holds orla for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a very short chapter, i'm sorry. just read the notes at the end, I'll explain everything

“Oh, Kara, look, she’s yawning,” Lena cooed, sticking her hand through the incubator to stroke Orla’s head. 

“Why don’t you try to give her the pacifier now,” Dr. Robbins suggested. 

“You’re sure it won’t suffocate her?” 

Dr. Robbins nodded. “I’m sure. It’ll actually help her engage her muscles so she’ll have less trouble breathing. And the sooner we get her used to moving around and learning to suck on things, the easier it’ll be when she’s ready to start breast or bottle feeding,” she explained. 

Lena nodded and took the pacifier from Kara. She carefully slipped it into Orla’s mouth, breathing a sigh of relief when the baby accepted it. Orla even threw her hands up by her head, craning her neck to try and find Lena without having to open her eyes. 

“I think she likes it,” Kara said with a laugh. “It looks like she’s trying to thank you.” 

Lena chuckled, holding out her pinky so Orla could wrap her tiny fingers around it. “Yeah, it does.” 

“You can try holding her if you’d like,” Dr. Robbins said. “She’s been responding well to touch and she doesn’t show signs of distress when we change her diapers anymore. I’d say she’s ready.” 

“What-- are you sure?” Lena asked, unable to believe it. She’d dreamed about getting to hold her baby for so long, the waiting after she was born had felt like an eternity. But now that it was actually being presented as an option, it almost felt too soon. Orla was only three weeks old, she only weighed a little over three pounds. She was so fragile and itty bitty. Of course, Lena wanted to hold her more than anything, but the thought of hurting her was the most terrifying thing she could imagine. 

Dr. Robbins nodded. “Only for a few minutes since she can’t regulate her temperature on her own yet. But skin to skin contact has actually shown to be very beneficial to preemies, even when they’re this young. It reminds them of being back in the womb so it helps them relax.” 

Lena glanced at Kara, who beamed over at her. 

“You’re sure it’s safe?” 

“I wouldn’t recommend it if it wasn’t.” 

Lena bit her lip, smiling brightly at her daughter, overcome with emotion at the thought of finally getting to safely hold her. 

“I’ll take that as a yes?” Dr. Robbins asked with a laugh, getting an immediate nod from Lena. “Alright! Normally we’d start with what’s called a kangaroo hold. What we’ll do is, if you don’t mind, you can unbutton your shirt so I can lay her on your chest, then we’ll put a blanket over her, just so her temp doesn’t start to drop. It’s just best to have her directly on you to maximize body heat.” 

“Yeah, okay, I can do that,” Lena said, nodding eagerly once more. 

As Dr. Robbins opened up the incubator, Lena unbuttoned the top of her shirt, grinning widely when she saw the doctor slowly lifting Orla up. 

She’d never been so close to her before, never without the walls and ceiling of the incubator separating them. But now, Orla was out. Still attached to tubes and wires that hooked her up to about a million machines, but she was well enough to be taken out of the incubator, even if just for a few minutes. 

“Okay, here you go.” Dr. Robbins smiled and handed the baby to Lena, slowly setting her down against Lena’s chest. 

Lena gasped, her eyes filling with tears as she held Orla in her hands for the first time. She was so light, it was almost like holding a miniature doll. But Lena could hear her Orla’s, quiet breaths as Dr. Robbins placed the sheet over them. She could feel the way Orla moved her head around ever so slightly to get comfortable. She even felt a small kick against her chest once Orla finally relaxed against her. 

“Oh my…” Lena whispered, looking up at Kara in disbelief. “I- I’m really holding her.” 

“Yeah, you can see how much she loves you,” Kara breathed and grinned from ear to ear. 

“Do you want me to take a picture?” Dr. Robbins offered. 

“Yes, please do,” Lena said. “Kara, come on, get over here.” 

“What-- me?” 

“Yes, you,” Lena said with a laugh. “Get in the picture with us.” 

“Alright.”

Kara stood next to Lena, wrapping her arm around her waist, and looked over at her with a smile. Lena smiled so wide her cheeks began to ache as Dr. Robbins took the photo. It just felt so amazing, so much better than she ever could’ve imagined to have Orla in her arms and Kara by her side. It was all she never knew she needed. The two of them-- they were her whole entire world. 

“Okay, there you go,” Dr. Robbins said, handing the phone back to Kara. 

“Hey, Lena, look, I think she’s trying to open her eyes,” Kara said, her voice filled with excitement.

Orla held her fists up by her head, squinting even harder as she let out another yawn. Lena laughed as Kara managed to catch the pacifier, right as it fell out of her mouth. Orla then stuck her tongue out, almost as if to tease her, which made Lena laugh even harder. And that was when it happened, Orla slowly opened her eyes for the first time. She couldn’t hold her head up to look at Lena, though, so instead, she stared straight at Kara. 

“Kara, she’s looking at you,” Lena exclaimed, unable to stop the tears that began to fall. 

“She’s got your eyes,” Kara breathed. 

“Oh god, she does,” Lena whispered, looking down at her with disbelief. They were a light green color with specks of blue and gold around the pupil. It was the most beautiful thing Lena had ever seen. 

Orla furrowed her brow, making the same expression Lena did when she was confused and narrowed her eyes. She opened her mouth and lifted her fingers up off Lena’s shoulder. 

“I think she knows I’m not you,” Kara observed with a chuckle. 

“Hey, Orla, I’m Kara,” she said. Kara then extended her finger and placed it in Orla’s hand, gently shaking it as she smiled up at Lena. Orla stuck her tongue out once more, getting a dramatically shocked expression from Kara as she gasped and held a hand over her head. 

“Okay, no need to get all political on me,” she said. “Let’s try to stay civil and keep out tongues in our mouth.” 

“Hey, we like Kara,” Lena said softly and kissed the top of Orla’s head. “She’s the best, she decorated your incubator, and she loves you _so_ much. Almost as much as I love you.”

“Yeah, I’m not your mommy, but you and me, we go way back,” Kara added. 

Lena smiled, slowly swaying from side to side while Kara spoke. Laughing quietly as she watched Kara try to persuade her daughter to stop sticking her tongue out at her. Orla seemed to like the movement, though, as her eyelids started to droop and her mouth lazily hung open in an oh shape. 

“Look at that,” Kara whispered so she wouldn’t wake her. “She fell right asleep. She already loves you so much, Lena.” 

Lena nodded, beaming down at her daughter as she swallowed the lump sitting in the back of her throat. “She loves you too,” she breathed. 

“Oh, and she’s drooling all over you,” Kara observed. 

“It’s okay,” Lena said. “As long as she’s happy, I don’t care.”

“Yeah,” Kara agreed and gently placed the pacifier back in Orla’s mouth. 

“Okay, I think we should put her back in the incubator,” Dr. Robbins said softly. “It’s better to do it when she’s asleep, she won’t get upset that way.” 

Lena’s eyes widened, shooting between Kara and the doctor. “Please, can I just have one more minute? Just-- just one more minute with her.” 

Dr. Robbins hesitated. Ordinarily, she would’ve said no. But Orla’s temperature wasn’t dropping and her vitals were still stable. And Lena was looking at her so hopefully, she just couldn’t bring herself to deny her another minute with her daughter. 

“Alright, one more minute,” she reluctantly agreed. “But that’s it, okay?” 

Lena nodded, smiling as she looked back down at her daughter. 

“You know, she looks just like you,” Kara whispered. She put her head against Lena’s, both of them leaning against each other as they watched Orla in awe. 

“You think?” 

“Yeah, just look at that face, it’s all you,” Kara said. “Why do you think she’s so cute?” 

Lena ducked her head, her face turning bright red as Kara laughed and placed a kiss on her cheek.

“She’s perfect, just like you.” 

“Alright guys, it’s time to put her back,” Dr. Robbins said. 

“Already?” Lena asked, frowning as the doctor held out her hands. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry. But you’ll get to hold her again tomorrow, she just needs to stay in the incubator.” 

Lena frowned but reluctantly handed Orla back to Dr. Robbins. Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist, gently kissing her forehead as they watched Dr. Robbins set Orla back in the incubator. 

Lena sighed and rested her head on Kara’s shoulder. She knew she was lucky to get to hold her at all, but still, it hurt every time she watched her daughter get taken away. 

“We’ll come back tomorrow,” Kara said softly. “You’ll hold her again.” 

“Yeah… I just wish I could do it for longer than a few minutes.” 

Kara nodded. “I know, but it’ll happen eventually. Just think about when you finally get to take her home, you’ll never have to put her down.”

* * *

Lena stumbled across the kitchen, practically throwing herself across the table so she could reach her phone before it stopped ringing. 

“Hello?” She answered, completely out of breath by the time she picked up. 

Normally, she wouldn’t have given anyone (except maybe Kara) that much effort for a simple phone call. But this wasn’t just anyone. This was the judge calling to inform her about the verdict of the Lex Luthor case. The one she’d testified for from her hospital bed, not even forty-eight hours after giving birth. And now, Lena was mere seconds away from finding out the fate of her brother, of her safety and her daughter's future. She knew how dramatic it sounded, but this was the phone call that would change the course of her life forever. 

“Is this Lena Luthor?” 

“Yes, this is she.” Lena held her breath and held a hand over her fiercely beating heart. 

“This is Judge Jones, I’m calling to fill you in on the results of the Lex Luthor case.” 

“Okay,” Lena said, doing her best to keep her voice from wavering. 

“As you know, Mr. Luthor had been charged on multiple accounts of terrorism, murder in the first degree, conspiracy, and physical assault.” 

Lena nodded, chewing on her bottom lip so hard she could feel the skin start to tear off. 

“He’s been deemed guilty by the jury and myself on all accounts, and is being sentenced to four consecutive life sentences with no chance of parole.” 

A gasp escaped Lena’s lips and she had to stop herself from letting out a cry right then and there at those words. 

“Mr. Luthor also had access to what used to be your shares of your family's money, which had been given to him by Lillian Luthor about eight months ago,” the judge continued. 

Lena threw her hand over her mouth. That was the money Lillian took from her when she escaped Metropolis, the money she’d lost that caused her to become homeless and unable to afford food. It was the reason she’d had to practically starve herself throughout the entirety of her first trimester and in turn cause Orla to be born almost three months early. 

“All the funds Lex had access to will rightfully be returned to your bank account, as well as an additional ten thousand to serve as compensation.” 

Lena held the phone away from her face as a whimper slipped out. 

“Ten-- ten thousand?” She repeated, unable to believe what she was hearing. 

“Yes, the transaction will be made sometime this week.” 

“O- okay, thank you so much, your honor,” Lena said, doing her best to keep at least some of her composure. 

“You’re welcome. And congratulations on the baby.” 

Lena sunk to her knees as she hung up her phone. A sob escaped her lips as she brought her hands up to her forehead, trying to comprehend what had happened. Ten thousand dollars alone was enough to cover six days of Orla’s stay in the NICU. And depending on how much of her money Lillian had given to Lex, she might get enough back that she wouldn’t have to worry about the rest at all. 

“Lena-- oh my god, are you okay?” 

Lena snapped her head around, releasing a breath when she saw Kara standing at the other end of the kitchen, a horrified look on her face. 

“I-- these are happy, don’t worry,” Lena cried, smiling as she pointed to her face. 

“What happened?” Kara asked and sat down on the floor next to her, still clearly concerned. 

“The judge just called. Lex is gonna spend the rest of his life in prison,” Lena sobbed. “And all the money my mother gave him that was supposed to belong to me, I’m getting it all back. A- and ten thousand as compensation.” 

“What-- Lena, that’s amazing!” 

Lena nodded. “Now we don’t have to worry about the hospital bills for Orla, a- and we can go forward with the move.”

“Yeah,” Kara said, wiping away Lena’s tears with the pad of her thumb. 

“And Lex is gone.” Lena closed her eyes, smiling through her tears as she allowed herself to stop and soak it all in. “He’s finally gone.” 

“He’s never gonna get to you guys again,” Kara said and pulled Lena into a hug, straddling her legs so Lena could sit between them. 

“It’s all over,” Lena whispered. “H- he can’t get to me anymore, it’s done.” 

“You’re free now.” 

Lena nodded, laughing as she fell into Kara’s embrace. “I’m free.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okayyy so that was short ik but i wanted to post it bc i'd feel bad if I just went mia without any explanation, so yeah. the past week or so, obviously I was updating this fic a LOT. i would stay up until 2/3am to finish chapters, miss classes to write, and basically, just do a lot of stuff that wasn't smart bc I was so hyper-focused on it. but since I was pumping out chapters so quickly, the quality was stropping and I started hating what I was putting out, and this fic as a whole. and that sucked, bc I used to love this fic so much, but now I feel like I ruined it (yayyy). so I'm gonna step back from a little bit and work on other stuff. i promise, this isn't the end, I just need a break from this one so that when I do start posting again, the chapters are better. and I'll still be posting other fics on here if you want to keep reading my work. but yeah, that's it, ty guys sm for all the support, I appreciate it so much <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orla has a scare in the NICU. Kara and Lena talk about their ~feelings~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to preface, it's so painfully obvious that I've only ever been kissed *once* in my seventeen years on this earth by the way I write kara and lena's kisses, so here's me apologizing in advance for that. trust me, I know I'm not doing it right.

Lena outstretched her hand, gently running her fingers against the top of Orla’s head. 

“Happy one month,” she whispered, biting her lip as she smiled softly. “I’m really proud of you for making it this far.” 

Orla let out a grunt, almost as if to acknowledge what Lena was saying. She whined and lifted her arm by her head, Lena slipping her pinky into Orla’s palm so she could wrap her miniature fingers around it.

“You like that?” She asked, getting another grunt of approval. 

Orla had been doing it a lot lately, grunting and making a variety of other random noises. Dr. Robbins said it was normal, it meant her lungs were developing and her respiratory system was getting stronger. Kara, on the other hand, liked to say it was Orla trying to talk-- her brain was just moving so quickly, her mouth couldn’t keep up. And although being a scientist herself, Lena would never admit it, she preferred to tell herself Kara’s explanation was just as true as the real one. 

“Just one more month, then we get to bring you home,” Lena said. “We’re getting everything ready for you. We just closed on the house, so you’re gonna have your own room. And Kara’s been slowly introducing Krypto to baby dolls so he won’t be afraid when he meets you.” 

Lena chuckled as Orla opened her mouth and wrinkled her forehead, alert as ever as she absorbed the sound of Lena’s voice. 

“Kara’s actually at work right now, but she’s been so busy trying to get everything boxed up for when we move,” Lena added. 

Orla gurgled and kicked, her face scrunching up as she let out a quiet, strained cry. She kicked her feet once more, slightly arching her back as she fussed. 

“Oh-- hey, it’s okay,” Lena said. “Orla, it’s okay, I’m right here.” 

Lena reached out to rub her belly the way the doctors suggested she do when her baby got distressed but stopped when she heard Orla’s heart rate spike on the monitor. It happened so fast Lena could barely register what was going on. And before she knew it, she could hear Orla’s increased breathing through her strangled cries, the sounds of the monitors echoing off the NICU walls quickly becoming too much to bear.

“Fuck.”

Lena hit the page button next to Orla’s incubator and wrapped her arms around herself, watching as Orla’s face faded into a deep blue color, her stifled wails getting more painful to listen to with every passing second.

All Lena wanted was to be able to pick her up and hold her. She wanted to take the pain away and make sure it never came back. She wished more than anything that she could protect her baby from everything but the only thing she could do was just stand there and watch. 

“Hey, what happened?” Dr. Robbins asked, jogging over to the incubator.

“I’m not sure, she was fine one minute then she started crying and her heart rate spiked,” Lena explained, running a hand through her hair as she watched the doctor begin to examine her daughter. 

“Okay, it looks like she’s just got a little bit of fluid buildup around her lungs,” Dr. Robbins said, her voice calm as she pressed the stethoscope to Orla’s chest. 

“How can you be sure?” Lena asked. She straightened herself out and folded her arms over her chest, swallowing all her fear and doubt as she stared down the doctor. She may have been terrified, but she was _not_ going to let her daughter suffer from any sort of false diagnosis or faulty treatment. “You looked at her for two seconds, how do you know?” 

“Hear that wetness in her breathing? That’s the giveaway,” Dr. Robbins explained and snapped on a fresh pair of gloves. “Then the increased heart rate and labored breathing, with her respiratory and heart issues, it all adds up.” 

She flagged over a nurse, who came to her side right away to help.

“We’re just gonna insert a needle into her chest to drain the fluid, she won’t feel a thing,” Dr. Robbins continued. 

“Just don’t hurt her,” Lena said. 

“I won’t.” 

Lena held her breath as she watched. They opened up the incubator and wiped down the area around Orla’s heart and lungs. The nurse had the baby's arms and legs pinned down so she wouldn't wiggle away as Dr. Robbins poked the syringe into her skin. Tears burned in Lena’s eyes as the doctor pulled back the plunger and the barrel of the needle filled with water. 

“There we go, she’s all done.” 

Dr. Robbins disposed of the needle and took off her gloves, smiling comfortingly at Lena, whose strong facade had quickly fallen to pieces. 

“She’s alright,” she reassured. “This kind of thing is normal, it happens in full-term babies all the time.” 

“But she’s not a full-term baby,” Lena breathed, looking down at Orla who was looking at Lena’s empty chair with wide eyes and scrunched up eyebrows. “She can’t eat without a tube, she can’t even breathe on her own yet.” 

“Yes, but look at how far she’s come. She’s been off the ventilator for weeks now, her weight’s up to almost four pounds, and her reflexes are right where they should be. She isn’t showing any signs of vision or hearing loss-- if anything, she’s more way alert than most newborns,” Dr. Robbins pointed out. “Trust me, if you only look at the complications, you’re never going to see how well she’s actually doing.” 

Lena nodded, releasing a shaky breath as she sat back down at Orla’s side. It was just so hard to stay positive when there was nothing she could do to help, nothing that she got to be in control of. She trusted the doctors and she knew they were doing everything they could, but still, that didn’t make it any easier. All Lena wanted was to be able to help her baby, but once again, she was completely at the mercy of others. 

With a sigh, Lena slipped her hand through the opening of the incubator and stroked Orla’s cheek. 

“I’m so sorry this is happening,” she whispered with a sad smile. “You don’t deserve this, baby.” 

Orla’s eyes widened as she reflexively leaned into Lena’s hand. 

“I just wanna take you home, I wanna take care of you… be your mom.” Lena’s voice broke and a few tears fell.

With her free hand, Lena quickly wiped her eyes so Orla wouldn’t see her get upset. She knew she was still far too young to understand what was happening, but Lena still had to keep it together for her. Because if she couldn’t stay strong for Orla, who could she do it for? 

“But we’re gonna be okay,” Lena reminded herself, running her thumb over Orla’s cheek. “Just one month and it’ll be over. I’ll never have to put you down.” 

As Lena continued to softly caress her, Orla’s eyelids began to droop. She watched her mom, opening her mouth and sticking her tongue out the way she always did. 

“You’re tired, huh?” Lena asked and quietly laughed through her tears. “Must take a lot of energy to have a scare like that.” 

Orla cooed and closed her eyes. It only took a second before she was fast asleep in Lena’s hand, completely recovered from her moment earlier. 

“Goodnight, love. Please try not to do that again.”

* * *

Lena set her bag down on the kitchen table and let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. 

“Hey, you’re home early,” Kara said, looking up from where she sat on the ground, filling a box with old tupperwares and plastic storage bowls. 

Lena nodded and bit down on the inside of her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around herself, shifting her weight on her heels as she managed to force a small smile. 

“Yeah. The doctors kept running tests and examining Orla so I was just getting in the way.” 

“Oh,” Kara said, brushing off her things as she stood up. “How is she? Is she holding up alright?” 

Lena nodded but her face fell, the stress of the day's events finally setting in.

“Hey, what is it?” Kara asked. She made her way across the room, keeping some distance between her and Lena just in case, but stood close enough that she’d be there if Lena needed her. 

“She’s fine, she just…” Lena shook her head and looked down at the ground, replaying the scene in her head once more. “She had fluid build up around her lungs and her breathing got crazy and her heart rate shot through the roof. She’s okay now, the doctor got to her right away. I just… I hate seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything.” 

Lena took a step towards Kara, reaching out and tucking a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. She swallowed the lump rising to the top of her throat as she did the best to put her brave face back on. 

“I keep telling myself when we take her home next month it’ll all be better, I’m just so scared it won’t happen.” 

Kara nodded, smiling sadly as she watched Lena do her best to pull herself together. “A little hiccup isn’t gonna push back her discharge day, okay? We’ve been here before, she always pulls through,” she said. “But you don’t have to force yourself to be alright. This is… it’s unimaginably hard, you deserve to take your time.” 

Lena shook her head, biting down on the inside of her cheeks as hard as she could as burning tears slipped away from her. 

Kara took Lena’s hand in hers, gently kissing the back of her palm. She squeezed her hand, giving Lena the chance to squeeze it back if she needed to. 

“Your baby is in the hospital, you’re allowed to be upset about it. I am too most of the time and you never force me to be okay, you deserve the same kindness you give to me.” 

Lena sighed and bowed her head. “I know. And I am trying to be nicer to myself, I- I’m working on it with Kelly. I just… it’s so much to deal with at once. And she’s getting better, I know she is but she’s still sick and little and I…” 

Forcing back a sob, Lena did her best to focus on Kara’s hands. She pulled at her fingertips, a movement which was now almost second nature. 

“It is still so much and I just-- I can’t. So can we… just talk about something else for now? Tell me about your day, talk to me about you.” 

“Of course,” Kara said. “Do you wanna see pictures of the stray cat that wandered into the garage today?” 

Lena smiled and wiped her eyes. She pulled Kara into her embrace, resting her head on Kara’s shoulder in the position where she’d come to know she’d always feel safe.

“Do you even have to ask?”

* * *

“Lena?” 

“Yeah?” 

“What’s this?” 

“Uh… packing tape?” Lena asked, holding up her roll of tape as she raised an eyebrow. 

“No-- I mean what is _this_ ,” Kara asked once more, gesturing between the two of them. She taped up her box full of old gardening supplies and sat down on the kitchen floor, looking to Lena for an answer. “I just mean it’s been a few weeks and we kiss and stuff and we share a bed, but we never really decided on what that meant.” 

She scratched her head, wondering if Lena had known the whole time what they were, which meant, by now she should’ve known too. But if Lena knew, she would’ve told her, right? She wouldn’t have left Kara in the dark, she wasn’t the kind of person to do something like that, Kara was sure of it. 

“And maybe you did, but I’m really not great at reading people or picking up on cues, so whatever you know, I just need to know too.” 

“No, love, I didn’t decide anything,” Lena said, her voice soft as she shook her head. “I was honestly just shocked that you let me kiss you and I guess I kind of assumed you were going to say something. But you didn’t, you… you were still treating me _that_ way, though, and I didn’t want to ruin what we had, so I realized if you knew what this was and I didn’t, I’d rather be confused and happy then ask for clarification and mess it all up.” 

“So neither of us knew?” Kara asked with a relieved laugh. 

“Neither of us knew.” 

“Well… what do you want us to be?” Kara asked. She tried to twirl her roll of tape around her hand in an attempt to appear cool and casual, but ended up tossing it off her wrist and clumsily rolling it across the floor.

Lena didn’t even bother to hold back her laugh as she shook her head. Her heart skipped a beat, Kara’s smile and rosy cheeks filling her stomach with butterflies. 

It had been happening for so long, but still, the feeling caught Lena off guard every time. When they’d first met, just being around Kara was enough to give her that flutter inside. As they became friends, Lena told herself once over time as she got comfortable around Kara, it would start to fade away. Only, the closer they got, the more joy Kara filled her with, feeling continued to grow stronger and stronger with every passing day. 

Now, as Lena watched Kara awkwardly try to impress her, the flitter inside was more powerful than ever. 

“It’s not just up to me,” Lena said, an endearing smile crossing her lips. “But I do like how things are now. I like being your friend, of course, but I do like being more than that. I honestly can’t say I want to go back to the way things were because this… this feels so much better.”

She pulled her legs close to her, sitting criss-cross applesauce and twiddling with the tips of her fingers.

“However,” Lena began, drawing out the word as she contemplated her next sentence. “I have a baby now. And I know you love Orla, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to get into something that you aren’t ready for. I mean, I can’t just date for fun anymore, so I don’t want to string you along in something that’ll only end up hurting both of us.” 

Kara nodded and smiled warmly. “You’re right, I do love Orla. But in terms of this being a fling, I’ve never thought of it that way. You guys have always mattered so much to me, and Orla-- I’ve never seen her as just something on the side, she’s a piece of you. And I love every bit of you, Lena. I always have.”

“You… you love me?” Lena breathed. It sounded so surreal, like some sort of dream she was bound to be forcefully pulled out of. Only no one was waking her up. Kara was nodding, telling her it was true, that she really did love her. Her voice was soft and warm; a blanket Lena could wrap herself in forever and ever. Then, before she knew it, Lena was agreeing, uttering the words _I love you too,_ words she’d kept inside for so long that came out so much easier than she ever could’ve imagined. 

“You guys are everything to me,” Kara confessed as her whole body filled with heat. “When I say that… I don’t just want to be your girlfriend, I want to be there for both of you.” 

Lena paused, her jaw dropping slightly as she processed what Kara said. “You want to be my girlfriend,” She thought aloud, unable to believe what she was hearing. “You-- _wow_.”

“Yeah… is that okay?” 

“That’s way more than okay,” Lena breathed. Her heart was pounding against her chest as she leaned forward, taking Kara’s collar and gently pulling her forward. She grinned, basking in the moment before she kissed her, and allowed Kara to take full control.

“I love you,” Lena mumbled against her lips. 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally the shortest break ever. i'm still on a break from this fic, I just wrote this to distract myself from the current political climate. so yeah, if you live in the US like me, I'm so sorry, and I hope you guys are holding up okay. and please, if you can, tomorrow is your last day so GO FUCKING VOTE!!!  
> also this is now at 53k words and normally I end my fics once they get this long but idk, this doesn't feel finished but it also doesn't feel like there's much further to go? i want to write cute fluffy scenes with everyone as a family and stuff but idk how to make it work so yeah. idk what to do, I don't want to end it but I also lowkey ruined it with the last few chapters so I'm not sure if it's worth it to continue.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 50% domestic fluff %50 authors tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's the second to last chapter :,)

The monitors beeped as Lena sat down and held out her hands. She could hear Orla fussing, cries that never failed to tug at her heartstrings as the baby was taken out of her warmer. She’d been moved from the incubator a little while ago-- now that she was getting closer to regulating her temperature on her own, she didn’t need all the extra support.

“Oh there she comes,” Kara said. She watched as the nurse placed Orla, who was messily wrapped in Eliza’s quilt, in Lena’s arms. She beamed from ear to ear at her favorite sight-- the way Lena’s face lit up when she was finally reunited with her daughter. 

Lena smiled down at the baby and brought Orla’s head up to her chest, lightly bouncing her up and down when she started to fuss once more. 

“How is she?” Kara asked. “Is she awake?” 

“I think so,” Lena said with a soft smile then tapped the baby’s nose to get her attention. Slowly, Orla’s eyes fluttered open and she looked up at Lena, cooing in recognition of her mother's face. 

“She likes it when we fuss over her,” Kara commented, laughing at the way Orla’s mouth hung open in fascination as her eyes drifted between herself and Lena. 

“Yeah, she knows she’s the star of the show.”

“Alright, Lena, are you ready to get started?” The nurse asked, gently adjusting Orla’s head so she was positioned correctly in Lena’s arms. 

“Yeah, I think so.” 

They’d already gone over the whole thing a few times. It was one of the many milestones Orla was reaching after having her nasal cannula removed and getting the hole in her heart corrected. Now, they were ready to try something Lena had been looking forward to for months. Since Orla could stay awake for longer than fifteen minutes at a time and had gotten used to having a pacifier, she was ready to try eating by mouth, instead of just through her G tube, which meant finally, Lena would get to nurse her. 

“Kara, can you uh… can you help?” Lena asked, worried that if she made even the slightest movement, Orla would start to cry. 

Luckily though, Kara nodded and tugged on Lena’s shirt so she could pull up the front, letting Lena take over once she was done. 

“Hey, hey, Orla, look at mommy,” Lena encouraged, snapping her daughter out of her haze before she could fall asleep all over again. 

“She’s confused, she doesn’t know what to do,” Kara chuckled. 

“Just give her a second, try to guide her head in the right direction so she’ll latch on and you can feed her,” the nurse instructed. 

“Okay.” Lena lifted Orla’s head and soon enough Orla somewhat caught on. She opened her mouth and Kara could’ve sworn she saw her raise an eyebrow the same way Lena did.

“Come on, you’re so close, Orla!” Kara said, almost more excited than Lena as she tried to lead the baby by quietly clapping and pointing. 

And soon enough, with just a little more adjustments from Lena, Orla eventually latched onto her breast. 

“Look at that!” Kara exclaimed. She had to remind herself to keep her voice down so she wouldn’t disturb the other parents checking on their own babies. But Lena smiled back up at her, unable to believe it herself that she was finally breastfeeding her daughter for the first time.

“It feels so weird,” Lena said with a laugh. She stroked Orla’s fuzzy head and smiled down at her, glancing back at Kara for a moment to beam with pride. “But it’s good, it’s the best kind of weird.” 

Kara nodded, watching in awe as Lena attended to her baby. 

“Have I ever told you how incredible you are?” She asked. Lena didn’t look over at her, far too focused on Orla to move. But Kara could see her cheeks turn beet red and smile widen. Her endearment just piling up on top of all the things Lena couldn’t believe she actually had.

“Yeah… maybe once or twice,” Lena breathed. “But I never get tired of hearing it.” 

“Well, you’re incredible,” Kara repeated. “And so are you, munchkin.” 

Lena inched over so she could gently lean against Kara without disturbing Orla.

“She’s a hungry girl,” Lena observed. She continued to watch her daughter, who for a moment, looked up, and locked eyes with Lena. Already, she was so expressive that Lena couldn’t feel like she was looking down at an extension of herself. 

“God, I just can’t wait to bring her home,” she whispered to no one in particular. 

“Just a few more days,” Kara said.

Lena nodded, looking back at her with a smile. “Just a few more days,” she repeated.

Still, it was torturous waiting to bring Orla home. But knowing that having her back was getting closer and closer every day, it was enough to fill them both with hope. 

* * *

“You know you really don’t have to do all this, I’m sure I’d be able to figure it out. And I know Kara would be more than willing to help.” 

“I know, but I don’t mind.” 

Maggie set down her hammer for a moment to pull her hair back into a low ponytail. “Besides, I’m sure you’re very capable, I just don’t think I could trust Kara to build furniture for anyone, especially a tiny human.” 

Lena chuckled and nodded, glancing over her shoulder to see the progress Maggie was making on what would soon be Orla’s dresser and changing table. She’d been working on it while Lena painted the walls a pastel shade of orange so light, Alex and Kara were convinced it was just white with a fancy name. But Lena didn’t mind the teasing.

For weeks now, she’d been marking off days on a calendar until Orla finally got to come home and at last, they were in the final stretch, doing everything they could to get the house ready for her. Now, all that was left was for Lena and Maggie to finish up their jobs, then everything could finally be decorated and ready for the baby.

“Kara’s great with cars…” Lena’s voice trailed off as she dipped her paint roller back in the metal tin. 

“Not so good with the non-mechanic tools.” 

Lena chuckled and nodded in agreement.

“Hey, ya know, I saw you in the paper the other day,” Maggie commented. 

Lena frowned. She paused, setting her paint roller down back in its tray, and looked over at Maggie. That had certainly come out of nowhere. 

“The-- like the  _ newspaper _ newspaper?” She stammered.

“Yeah.” Maggie nodded. Lena did her best to detect some sort of apprehension or relief, but her expression was completely unreadable. 

“What are people saying?” 

“Well, a lot of it was just about Lex and his sentencing,” Maggie clarified. “But there was still some stuff about you.” 

“Was it like… should I be worried.” 

Maggie shook her head, smiling warmly. “No. But there seemed to be a pretty consecutive agreement that without your testimony, he probably wouldn’t have gotten the years that he did.” 

Lena nearly dropped her paint roller onto the ground. She felt her breath catch in her throat, her vision flashing back to that hospital room and video call for just a split second. For that moment, she could all but believe she was back there, the agony in her bones and hollowness inside still lingering like a ghost inside of her.

“You can’t be serious,” Lena said, unable to believe it. 

Maggie nodded once more. “I am. Apparently, there’s something about a woman testifying against her brother at not even twelve hours postpartum that just really shows the jury how evil he is.” 

As she bowed her head, Lena’s cheeks were filled with heat.

“And not only that, but I think the rest of the world kind of realized how strong you are.” 

“It wasn’t all me,” Lena countered. “I just… all I did was video chat with the judge, I’m sure it didn’t do much.” 

“Alright, maybe it wasn’t everything, but it was still a lot. And even if it hadn’t been worth anything, you finally got to speak out against him and that in itself is huge,” Maggie said, firm in her ground. “It’s something to be proud of, Lena. I know I wouldn’t have been able to do what you did.” 

Lena was about to say something back when she heard the front door open. The sound of Kara’s voice letting them know she was home, filled the house, echoing off the walls as if on a mission to get Lena to smile. 

“We’re in the nursery, darling,” she yelled back, biting back a grin as she shook her head. They both could hear Kara thumping up the stairs to rush over to her, a wide grin across her lips as she entered the room. 

She was covered in oil stains. From the looks of things, she’d changed her shirt but even that had gotten messy, and her already ripped jeans were a complete mess. Lena could practically smell the gasoline on her, a stench she certainly hadn’t missed during her time off. 

But as disgusting as it all was, Lena couldn’t help but find comfort in the familiarity. The dirty clothes and off-putting smell meant things were going back to normal. Sure, not the normal she’d envisioned for herself all those months ago when she’d first arrived at Kara’s auto shop, but one she was sure she was more than content with having. 

“Hey, how was work?” Lena asked, extending a hand to pull her girlfriend closer. She might’ve been stained with grease, but Lena was covered in paint. It all canceled out in the end. 

“It was good, I stopped by Orla on my way back,” Kara said. She leaned over, planting a kiss on Lena’s lips which instantly got a smile out of her. 

“On your way back-- the hospital’s an hour away,” Lena exclaimed, though the smile still lingered through her confusion. 

“I know, I needed to get something for you.” 

Kara glanced over at Maggie, who picked up on the cue and set down her hammer. She smiled over at Lena and waved before heading out, shutting the nursery door behind her. 

“What is it?” Lena asked once she was gone. 

“Well, you need to be careful with it since you’re covered in paint. But I think you’ll like it,” Kara said. She swung her bag off her shoulder and set it through the ground, unzipping it and pulling out what appeared to be a white t-shirt that she quickly hid behind her back. 

“Kara, what’s going on?”

Lena raised an eyebrow, staring straight at Kara with arms folded over her chest.

“Remember a few months ago, the Fall Festival, when we were painting those pumpkins together?” Kara asked. 

“Yeah.” Lena nodded, smiling through her firm facade at the memory. “And you got paint all over me.” 

“We got paint all over each other,” Kara corrected.

Lena let herself release a quiet laugh. She bit her lip, thinking back to how nervous she’d been because she’d known she was going to have to meet Eliza. At the time, it had felt like the most stressful thing in the world. Their paint fight after had probably been one of the biggest reliefs she’d ever felt. 

“And you accidentally put a giant red handprint on my t-shirt,” Lena added. 

“Yeah,” Kara said. “And when you put your hand next to mine… do you remember what you said?” 

Lena shook her head. “No, I- I just remember the mess we made.” 

“Well, you told me you weren’t mad about the stain because when the baby got here, you’d just add their handprint between ours,” Kara explained. Her eyes met Lena, picking up the exact moment she realized what was happening. The way her face changed from the joyful, carefree demeanor she only wore around Kara, to something much more vulnerable. Filled with disbelief and excitement, Lena shook her head, almost as if she couldn’t comprehend it. 

“Kara…” 

“Orla’s so squirmy and her hands are so tiny, I couldn’t get a handprint,” Kara said, holding out the folded up fabric for Lena to take. “But I did get the cutest little footprint.” 

Lena unfolded the t-shirt, a gasp escaping her lips at the sight of the smallest purple footprint between her and Kara’s hands. She was so stunned she couldn’t bring herself to speak, she just stared at the colors blending back together, then up towards Kara, who wore the warmest smile on her lips. 

“Kara… you… you drove an hour to the hospital to get her footprint?” 

“I mean I… I’d been hoping for a hand… but yeah. I hope it’s okay.”

“It’s-- Kara this is perfect!” Lena exclaimed. “You’re just… you’re incredible!” 

Before Kara could get another word out, Lena threw her arms around her neck, holding her as tightly as she could.

“This is better than anything I could’ve asked for,” she mumbled, her words muffled by Kara’s top.

Kara beamed from ear to ear as she embraced Lena and held her close, leaning back ever so slightly so she could lift her girlfriend off the ground. And when Lena wrapped her arms around Kara’s waist, Kara let out the brightest laugh. For a moment, she took a hand away from Lena and instead held it up to her chin, tilting Lena’s face towards hers so she could kiss her. Lena smiled tearfully as she felt Kara against her, wanting nothing more than for her to know just how very loved she was. 

“Kara Danvers, you are my favorite person,” she whispered when she finally came up for air, only to rest her forehead against Kara’s. 

“And you’re mine,” Kara agreed. 

Lena let out another laugh as she kissed Kara once more. At that moment, she was sure she had everything. The only thing that could’ve made it better was if they could’ve had Orla there with them. But that was coming too, Lena was sure of it. They had to take it one day at a time and it would all start to work itself out. Just like how it was supposed to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so it's currently almost 3 am and I have school tomorrow. but I've been thinking about this fic a lot, mostly just regretting the direction I took it in. so I decided to reread the entire thing, in all its 50k+ word glory. I'm still not sure how I feel about what I ended up doing, but I realized it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, it's too late to go back now, and this used to be one of my favorite fics. so i'd rather tie it all together with an ending I like than abandon it entirely, since rereading it, I can still see that even though it was messy, it wasn't too terrible. but yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the rest of the fic, I really appreciate all the love and support it's gotten these past few months <3 <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orla finally comes home, so here are some wholesome moments of Lena and Kara officially growing into their roles as parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied this isn't the last chapter, there's one more oops  
> also I'm just putting it out there in case anyone wonders while reading- i wanted this fic to be medically accurate, so even though orla's home now, she will still have her g tube. in order to be taken off a surgical feeding tube, the patient needs to be able to maintain their weight for 3 weeks without using it. orla's still itty bitty so it wouldn't be realistic if she got it removed already :)

The three were met with loud barking and claws scraping against the wood floor as Kara rummaged through her bag to find her keys. She shifted her weight between her heels, letting out a frustrated huff as she tried to speed things up so Orla wouldn’t start to fuss again. 

“That’s Krypto, you’re gonna be his new best friend,” Lena whispered, smiling down at her daughter, and gently stroking her cheek. Orla was fast asleep in her stroller; she’d been passed out ever since they left the hospital, only crying once when Kara drove over a pothole. But luckily, Lena found very quickly that most times, all she needed to calm down was a lullaby, some extra attention, and her pacifier. 

“He already loves you more than me, now I’m just the poor old woman who gives him his food,” Kara said, sighing eccentrically. 

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Lena said with a playful scoff. “We both know Orla’s gonna be his new infatuation, you’re not the only one getting kicked to the curb.” 

She reached out to brush her hand against Kara’s upper arm. Perhaps allowing herself to feel the bicep muscles for just a moment. 

“But don’t worry, I’ll love you enough for the both of us.” 

“You big sap, you’re like my knight in shining armor,” Kara fawned as she opened the door. Immediately, Krypto began jumping up and down at the sight of Kara and Lena finally back home together with their new addition. Three hours without his moms had been  _ way _ too long for such a good dog.

“Shhh, you’re gonna wake the baby,” Kara laughed. She got down on her knees to scratch Krypto behind the ears and calm him down while Lena pushed the stroller inside. It didn’t take long before Krypto got distracted by it and started whining up at the strange contraption, pawing at Lena and swatting her stomach as if to tell her to show him what was inside. 

“This is Orla, she used to be in there,” Lena said with a chuckle and rubbed her belly. She removed the car seat from the stroller then slowly set it on the ground, getting Krypto to lie down so he was eye level with the baby. 

“Oh-- I think he likes her.”

“He’s so confused,” Kara said, gently giving Lena’s arm a tug so she’d sit down on the floor beside her. “It’s just a baby, buddy, go say hi.” 

Krypto sat back up and got closer to Orla, loudly sniffing her feet and poking around her car seat. It woke her up almost instantly, her face crumbling as she brought her hands up to her face and let out a wail. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay, darling,” Lena reassured. She gently nudged Krypto away so she could take Orla out of the car seat and cradle her in her arms. Soon enough, Orla settled down and cooed happily against her mom. 

“Hey, Kara, maybe try to bring him back over,” Lena suggested once she knew Orla was alright. 

Kara nodded and gently gave Krypto’s collar a tug. He turned back to Orla and began to sniff her once more.

“Oh, Krypto don’t lick her, she’s not gonna like that,” Kara said, letting out a laugh when the dog tried to lick at Orla’s brand new white socks. 

Orla narrowed her eyes and dropped her legs, carefully observing the large furry creature towering over her. 

“Your dog is so weird Kara,” Lena joked. She rested her head in the crook of Kara’s neck as she smiled dreamily, bruising her thumb over Kara’s knuckles. 

“Hey, don’t be mean to Krypto!” Kara chuckled. 

Lena laughed and shook her head. “It’s okay, Orla loves it.”

For some reason, it was absolutely true. Krypto was sniffing around and Orla was content with watching, making the purest noises of excitement when he tried to lick her again. 

“I’m so glad you guys get to be home together,” Kara said 

“Me too,” Lena breathed. “We’re really lucky.  _ I’m _ really lucky.” 

She pursed her lips together, picking up Kara’s hands as she smiled. “I just… I can’t believe we're finally here, you know? All of us home.”

Kara nodded. “I know. We made it, Lena.” 

Lena chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of Orla’s head before looking back up at her girlfriend. She still loved that word,  _ girlfriend. _ Kara was her girlfriend and Orla was her daughter. Even after weeks, it felt unreal, but it was entirely true. They were her family, her home. 

“Yeah,” she agreed, smiling softly and giving Kara’s hand a squeeze. “We made it.” 

* * *

“Okay, Orla. You pooped all the way up your shirt, so now we need  _ another _ spontaneous outfit change, got any requests?” Kara asked as she finished putting Orla into her fresh diaper. They’d been home for all of four hours and already, Lena had been peed on, puked on, pooped on, and had every other type of bodily fluid imaginable thrown her way. So even though she insisted on tending to Orla’s every need, she let Kara take this diaper change so she could have yet another shower to try and get the baby spit up out of her hair, for what felt like the millionth time. 

“I know, it was disgusting,” Kara agreed as Orla kicked her legs and stuck her tongue out, scrunching up her face, and rolling her head so she could look up at Kara. “I don’t know how such a tiny baby can make such a giant mess.” 

As Kara started to sort through the onesies, Orla continued to wiggle around and make little noises. She kicked her legs against the changing table, almost as if to remind Kara that she was still there and could use some extra attention. 

“Alright, do you like this one?” Kara asked and held up a green onesie with yellow daisies patterned across the fabric. Orla threw her arms up by her head and let out a whine, Kara nodding, keeping her serious composure as she accepted the feedback. “Yeah, I like this one too.” 

But when Orla realized Kara was going to put her  _ in _ the pajamas, she released a loud cackle like cry, causing Kara to jump back in shock. 

“Okay, okay, you don’t like daisies,” Kara mumbled. “It’s noted, don’t worry.” 

She put the garment away and pulled out one of the onesies Alex had bought-- a white one with the word  _ pacifist _ written across the chest. It had come with an array of mildly inappropriate baby clothes she and Maggie had gifted Lena while she was in the hospital, recovering from Orla’s birth. At the time, it had just been a little something to make her laugh for a minute and take her mind off the state of things. 

Now though, Orla was home, and finally, they were getting to dress her in real clothes. She was almost big enough that in a few weeks, she’d probably get to go from preemie clothes to newborn sizes. The onesies were certainly less significant now than they’d once been. Though, Lena still thought they were ridiculous, even if she pretended to be indifferent. So perhaps Orla’s  _ pacifist _ onesie paired with the clip-on pacifier Alex had gifted with it would get a laugh out of Lena. It was at least worth a shot after the many messes Orla had made. 

“You like this one?” Kara asked, holding up the onesie.

When Orla didn’t cry, Kara gently took a hold of the infant's left thigh, slipping it into the leg of the pajamas while the baby squirmed beneath her grip. 

“Hey, Orie, you gotta work with me here. I know you like it when your mom changes you but she’s so tired right now, we need to give her a break,” Kara said. She used her free hand to try and contain the rest of Orla’s itty bitty wiggly body as she attempted to put the other leg through the onesie. As soon as she finished with Orla’s right leg though, her left one somehow managed to kick itself right back out of the garment. 

“Okay well that was just rude,” Kara deadpanned. 

Almost as if she knew what she was doing, Orla knit her brow then stuck out her tongue, Kara gasping dramatically as she threw a hand over her chest. 

“Orla Mae Luthor!” She whispered. Unfortunately, though, she was unable to keep her offended facade much longer and soon fell into a fit of laughter. She couldn’t stay serious at that squishy face, it was like some sort of baby superpower. It wasn’t at all surprising though, Orla had had her wrapped around her grubby little finger since day one. Kara sighed as she chuckled, ticking the baby’s stomach in defeat. 

“You’re just the silliest little girl, aren’t you?” 

Orla gurgled and Kara lifted her head to set part of the onesie behind her back. Softly, she laid the baby back down on the changing table then began attempting to slip Orla’s arm through the sleeve. Kara laughed once more when she caught the corners of Orla’s eyes narrowing while her mouth widened. 

“Orla are you…” Kara stopped, her breath catching in her throat as she repeated the motion of lifting Orla’s head in her hand. Once more, the infant's lips pulled up by her cheeks, little dimples forming at either side. “Are you smiling at me?” 

“We gotta go show your mommy,” Kara said proudly. “She’s gonna be so happy!”

She lifted the baby into her arms, deciding they didn’t have time to dress her fully, and rushed her across the hall to the bathroom, where Lena was still in the shower. 

Krypto, who’d been laying in the hallway, basking in a sunbeam like a cat, instantly jumped up when he saw Kara running through the house with Orla secured safely against her chest and followed as quickly as he could. 

“Lena, hey,” Kara said, knocking on the bathroom door. Krypto barked in support, hopping up on his hind legs to tap at the door. “I know you’re busy but I need to show you something.” 

Orla, who laid against Kara’s chest with her head just below her shoulder, cooed and kicked her legs as if to call out for Lena too. 

“You can come in!” 

Kara opened the door with Krypto at her heel, and soon enough Lena pulled back the shower curtain, expecting some sort of disaster from all the chaos she’d heard at the door. With her free hand, she pushed her wet hair out of her face then reached out for her daughter, eyes wide with concern. 

“Is she okay? Why is she only half-dressed?” She asked. “She looks okay from here but did she-- uh, did she spit up again?” 

Her heart began to race as she thought of all the terrible possibilities. Orla could have another fluid buildup in her lungs, she could’ve choked on her own saliva. She could’ve lost weight from spitting up and needed her feeds to be upped. Or the site where her g-tube was could’ve gotten infected and now she was going to need surgery. And on top of that, the hole in her heart could’ve reopened somehow, which would mean  _ another _ emergency surgery. 

“Don’t worry, she’s alright,” Kara reassured her. She took a step forward, stroking the top of Orla’s fuzzy head with her knuckles. 

And soon enough, Orla’s eyes found Lena and she reached out a hand towards her mom, a smile spreading across her lips. 

“Oh my-- Kara, she--” Lena stammered, unable to believe it. “She’s smiling, she-- she’s smiling at me!” 

Kara nodded, beaming from ear to ear. She took another step towards Lena, who let go of the shower curtain and held her hands out for the baby. 

“Lemme see my girl,” she said with a proud smile. 

Kara handed Orla (who had conveniently kicked her onesie off once more) over to Lena, smiling when she saw the way Orla relaxed against her mom. 

“I leave you alone for two minutes and you hit a major milestone without me, what’s that all about?” Lena asked, chuckling as she accepted her daughter and laid her against her chest.

Orla threw her arm over Lena’s shoulder, her best attempt to hug Lena back, and settled against her. 

Kara chuckled and scratched her head, nervously adjusting her glasses as she watched her two favorite people. “I’m sorry, I know you wanted to shower to get away for a minute and I just brought all the chaos back to you,” she said with an apologetic smile. 

But Lena shook her head, completely unbothered. “It’s alright, you made her smile, what else could I ask for?” 

Kara shrugged. “A moment of peace, maybe?” 

Lena sighed. She glanced down at Orla, whose eyelids hung heavy and was now moments from falling away against Lena’s chest. 

“I don’t think we’ll be getting one of those for the next eighteen years,” she said with a gentle laugh. She then looked back up at Kara, the smile never faltering. “Can you turn the water off? She’s about to fall asleep and I don’t want to disturb her.” 

“Of course,” Kara said. She turned off the faucet then grabbed Lena’s bathrobe from off the towel rack. As she draped it over Lena’s shoulders, Lena lifted her chin, meeting Kara’s eyes for just a second. Kara felt her breath catch in her throat as she tied the robe around Lena’s waist, her hands trembling ever so slightly. 

“Can you uh… swaddle her and hold her for a bit so she doesn’t get cold?” Lena asked, keeping her voice hushed so she wouldn’t wake her daughter. “I just need a minute to dry off so I can put her down for her nap.” 

Kara nodded. “Yeah, that’s no problem.” 

She reached out to take Orla, but Lena wouldn’t let her go. She was staring at the baby against her chest, watching the way her mouth hung open as she slept and listening to her quiet little snores. All Lena could think about was how perfect she was, how perfect the life she’d found with Kara was. 

“Lena?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You um… I can’t swaddle her if you don’t let me take her.” 

“Right.” Lena chuckled, reluctantly placing Orla in Kara’s strong arms.

“I just hate letting her go,” she confessed with a sigh. “It’s hard to let her out of my sight.” 

“I know,” Kara said softly. She nodded and leaned over, placing a kiss to Lena’s forehead. “But she’s here with us now. And I’m going to give her the best swaddle this town has ever seen. I’ve been practicing on Krypto for days, I could honestly win awards for my blanket work.” 

Lena wrapped her arms around herself, smiling as she watched Kara fawn over Orla. 

“You’re the best, Kara.” 

“I know that too,” Kara said. She reached over once more, pressing her kiss against Lena’s lips. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, darling.” 

* * *

By the time Kara finished swaddling Orla, Lena had changed into a fresh t-shirt and sweats, then thrown her hair up into a ponytail. She stood in the nursery with Kara, who said in the rocking-chair holding Orla snug in her arms and prepped her evening meds/feeds.

“I think she’s finally out again,” Kara whispered, looking to Lena for approval. “Should I put her down?” 

Lena shook her head. “Not yet. It’ll be time for meds and to hook her up to her formula in a minute, so she’ll just probably wake up then anyways.” 

Kara nodded. “Hear that, Orie? You better enjoy that nap while it lasts ‘cause it’s almost time for dinner and meds,” Kara said softly.

She kept her voice low enough that it wouldn’t wake the baby, but Lena was able to pick up on it from where she stood towards the other end of the room. She smiled to herself as she listened, holding back a laugh as she used a syringe to measure out Orla’s antibiotics. 

_ Orie. _ The nickname was right there, it wasn’t hard to find. But Kara had been the one to think of it, not Lena. Just like she’d been the one to make Orla smile for the first time. Not Lena. 

With a sigh, Lena set down the antibiotics and reached for another syringe to prepare Orla’s next round of meds. She was Orla’s mom. And yes, Kara was… well, she was something, they hadn’t really decided yet. But either way, Lena should’ve been the one to do those things. It was her job, not Kara’s. It wasn’t fair to burden her with it all. 

“Hey, Kara?” She asked after a moment, keeping her eyes focused on the numbers.

“Yeah?” 

“Do you uh… do you ever feel like we’re rushing into this?” Lena looked over at her girlfriend. Although her expression softened, Kara could tell Lena’s guard was trying to shoot back up, instinctively wanting to protect her. But she was fighting it off, trying her hardest to not back away. 

“What do you mean?” 

Lena bit her lip as she opened Orla's dresser drawer with most of her medical supplies and pulled out the pump bag she’d connect to Orla’s port. 

“It’s just that all of this happened kind of fast,” she began, quickly averting Kara’s gaze. “I think on some level I… I always knew how I felt about you. But Orla came so early and we-- we went through a lot because of that. And that’s not to say my-- o- or your feelings would’ve changed. We just… we don’t just have a baby now we’re living with a baby and that… it’s different.” 

Kara nodded, offering a sympathetic smile as she stroked Orla’s cheek.

“You’re so close with her now though, and I- I can tell she really loves you too,” Lena continued. “And you are _ so _ good with her. But I mean, you’re you, I don’t know why that would be surprising. It’s just that, after everything we dealt with… the trial and the NICU, I don’t want you to feel obligated to be with me or to be there for her. I know having a baby, especially this soon is… it’s strange. So I- I don’t want to push you.” 

Kara stood up, keeping Orla secured in her hold. As she stepped towards her girlfriend, she reached out a hand, intertwining her fingers with Lena’s. 

“Lena, I’m always gonna be here for you. And for her,” Kara assured her. “Why… did something happen? Did I do something to make you doubt it?”

Lena shook her head. “No- no, Kara, you’ve been perfect,” Lena said, smiling softly. “I think it’s just having her home, it makes things different again. And if anything’s changed for you…”

She tilted her head to one side and swallowed her words, unable to push the rest out. 

“Are you having any doubts?” Kara breathed. 

Lena shook her head. 

“Good. Because neither am I.” 

“You’re not?” 

Kara shook her head. “I love you, Lena. And I love her. To me it-- it really isn’t that complicated. I just… I want to be here with you guys, that’s it, even if things are different or strange or whatever. I mean, this whole thing has always been kind of different. Nothing about any of this has been normal.” 

Bowing her head, Lena felt her cheeks turn bright red as a small chuckle escaped her. She did her best to keep her composure once she looked back up at Kara, a grin spreading across her lips. 

“And you’re okay with that?” 

“I’m okay with it,” Kara confirmed. “You’d be the first to know if I wasn’t.”

“That’s good to know,” Lena said with a shy smile. “Now gimme my kid so we can do meds.” 

“She’s all yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas eve to all of you guys who celebrate!! i really hope you all liked the chapter <3

**Author's Note:**

> lmk what you guys think, comments and feedback is always appreciated :)


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